[0.0s] Previously, on Dumptions and Dragons.
[2.9s] Vafreet, hey, friend, I brought some people here, they're looking for a person, maybe
[10.2s] you might have heard, I thought you mentioned the name.
[13.0s] I think we've decided that we'd like the information about Thelonious and we're
[19.2s] willing to carry your valuable package for you.
[23.3s] Ah, Thelonious, okay, Thelonious, I heard it a few times through some different
[28.3s] market channels of folks looking for bits and bobs.
[31.6s] Last I heard, the hand of Yartar was doing business with him.
[37.5s] So he's going to take the packages and put them in his bag and then he's going
[43.1s] to draw his greatsword.
[45.2s] So what's the plan here?
[46.9s] You're going to swing your sword around, knock us out, maybe take us out, you
[52.1s] know, there's somebody else in line.
[53.5s] But you're standing right in front of me and I don't like you very much.
[57.8s] I'm going to swing it up.
[59.1s] Your boss is right.
[61.0s] When this is all over, someone will have to take over.
[65.5s] If it's someone who does it the way we like it, I'd very carefully consider
[69.7s] your next action.
[70.6s] It could be you.
[71.6s] So taking the information you got from Vafreet, you make your way down
[75.0s] hopping caravans until you reach a guide to take you up the River Desserin.
[80.5s] You dock in the city's small port and make your way through the bustling
[84.8s] city until you find the tavern, wink and a kiss.
[89.5s] We're looking for someone named Thelonious, Prim's something.
[96.0s] Prim's friend? Prim's gown?
[98.6s] Her smile disappears.
[102.0s] You mean Thelonious Prim's Bay?
[105.7s] Oh, that was way off.
[114.8s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[132.4s] I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[134.0s] He-Him.
[135.0s] Also with me today is Tom Laird.
[136.9s] He-Him.
[137.9s] I am playing Perseus.
[139.3s] He is a lightfoot halfling warlock who also goes by He-Him.
[145.7s] And Carla Maxted.
[146.7s] She-her.
[147.7s] I am playing Lexington, a human fighter slash pAlydin, He-Him.
[153.4s] And joining us again this week from The Crit Show, our good buddy Rev.
[157.6s] Hey, I am He-Him and I am here as Margaret Broadcloak, the Betty White monster hunter,
[165.3s] she-her.
[166.3s] I love Margaret because she just brings reason to every situation.
[172.7s] Episode, Lex starts swinging swords.
[175.6s] You're like, you could run this organization, young man.
[178.7s] Yeah, it's good because Lex is, I mean, Lex and Perseus, I don't want to speak
[182.4s] for Tom.
[183.4s] We're very new to the world.
[184.4s] Sure.
[185.4s] So I don't think we have a lot of good reasoning skills or, yeah, we need an adult.
[192.4s] Yeah, Margaret's like that guiding hand for us and it's very needed.
[197.0s] Yeah.
[198.0s] It is just, Arvid has been in the world, but in his own world also, so.
[203.0s] Yeah.
[204.0s] Yeah, Arvid means well.
[206.0s] Yeah.
[207.0s] He's got a heart of gold, but terrifying spells.
[210.0s] Yeah, that one was creepy.
[213.0s] Yeah.
[214.0s] Like maybe, yeah, the downtime after this one, after this episode, I'll tell you
[219.3s] some of the other spells because there's a couple other good ones that maybe we'll
[224.2s] see, maybe we won't.
[225.6s] So we'll get into that.
[227.6s] That's the tease.
[228.6s] We have downtime episodes.
[230.4s] When you join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where we talk about the
[234.4s] episode, break it down, come up with what we did wrong and then do a better next
[238.6s] time.
[239.6s] Hilarious.
[240.6s] Oh, that's never happened.
[243.5s] That's never happened.
[244.5s] We mostly just talk about what goofs we made and then go on from there.
[249.0s] So you can join us Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and you also get an episode
[252.6s] dedicated to you when you are a patron.
[254.5s] Today's patron, Wilfred Gaube.
[258.2s] Thanks Wilfred.
[259.2s] Thank you, Wilfred.
[260.4s] Thanks Wilfred.
[261.4s] We appreciate you.
[262.4s] We do appreciate you.
[263.4s] We think you're great.
[264.4s] Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and now fuck it, let's play.
[271.4s] You're seated in Uzumaki's office, hickory and orange, filling your senses as she
[281.0s] reveals to you Thelonious Prim's full name, Thelonious Primsbane.
[288.3s] What could you four want with Thelonious Primsbane?
[294.5s] I kind of just look over at Lex like.
[300.0s] I think he knows something about me and I don't know enough about myself.
[310.1s] So I'm searching for him.
[314.8s] She looks at you.
[320.1s] Are there any scars visible?
[325.6s] On me?
[326.6s] On you?
[327.6s] Yeah, I think so.
[328.6s] I mean, I am wearing like adventurous clothes.
[330.6s] I'm pretty covered, you know, neck to wrists to ankles.
[335.3s] But I think I am very gray and mottled looking still.
[340.8s] And probably you can see some scarring like coming up alongside my jaw.
[345.1s] Right.
[346.1s] Because I'm not wearing a full turtleneck or scarf or anything.
[349.3s] So you can see some some scarring on my neck.
[353.1s] She looks you over and says, well, that makes sense.
[360.0s] I guess Primsbane is a is a bad man.
[366.8s] You know, you know that much.
[370.9s] Like I hope it's not some family reunion that you're looking for here.
[376.6s] No, I wouldn't.
[378.8s] I wouldn't say that.
[381.4s] I think he has destroyed my chances for any kind of family reunion.
[387.0s] Yeah.
[388.0s] He's done that for a few people.
[391.2s] So you do know him?
[392.9s] I've done business with him for quite a while.
[395.2s] And that's the only reason that I believe I'm still allowed to be doing business is
[404.7s] that I have accommodated him in his requests.
[409.0s] Does he operate in this city then?
[412.8s] No.
[414.3s] This is your city, isn't it?
[417.9s] Is this your organization?
[419.5s] Do you?
[420.5s] Is my organization?
[423.1s] Yes.
[425.5s] We don't yet have the power to control large swaths of the city.
[432.6s] While she's been talking, she reaches into just slowly and cautiously reaches into
[439.1s] her desk and pulls out a small purse and slides it across the desk to you.
[447.8s] It kind of ushers to it and marks off in her book again, Thelonious comes and goes.
[456.3s] And when he goes, leaves destruction in his wake.
[464.8s] The most recent was an attack on Mirabar.
[469.1s] I think all of you would have at least heard of Mirabar.
[473.8s] Margaret and Arvid for sure would know Mirabar as like the main dwarven like stronghold.
[480.3s] He raised an undead army that rivaled the acts of Mirabar.
[488.8s] The acts of Mirabar being the main force of the dwarven army, one of the most revered
[497.6s] in dwarven culture.
[500.8s] It came out of nowhere and he controlled everyone within city limits.
[510.2s] We still don't know how he did it.
[513.8s] He was able to turn living people undead almost with like a snap of his fingers.
[522.0s] He was driven off by the decimators of dragons before they got rid of Tiamat.
[531.0s] He's popped up a few times with me searching for parts.
[537.9s] And she kind of ushers towards the ice elemental on your desk and says, that's
[545.2s] not for him.
[546.9s] But similar parts are what he comes and looks for.
[551.6s] He's been quiet for the last few months, which is concerning for a man like him.
[561.5s] You want to find him, yes?
[565.5s] Yes, I want to find him.
[568.4s] I want to stop him.
[571.2s] Are you bringing an army?
[573.1s] When I look side to side at my friends, well, just this small group.
[581.7s] Okay, what do you want from me?
[586.6s] Well, I want to know where he is.
[592.2s] And I suppose I want to know if there are any allies to be found since he's raising
[600.6s] undead armies to fight the acts of Mirabar.
[605.4s] Perhaps the four of us are not enough.
[611.0s] Um, yeah.
[618.6s] Allies, you know, the four of you might just be the craziest idea, but he might
[628.6s] not see it coming.
[631.2s] You see her go into like deep thought.
[634.0s] He says, I, there are a couple of places he could be.
[640.1s] One, there is an entrance to the Underdark in the city of Neverwinter.
[649.4s] There's a, well, if you go there, you will have to go into the Underdark.
[658.7s] You'll have to trudge through and hopefully keep your sanity and selves as you try to
[668.8s] find him.
[669.8s] Well, that one, that one sounds pretty scary.
[673.2s] Well, the other option isn't a lot better.
[678.3s] The other one is closer.
[680.7s] It's further up the river that you may have seen or come in on.
[687.0s] It leads up into the Lost Peaks, where you'll be met with a guardian of the gates that
[698.6s] hold back anybody that Thelonious Primsbane does not want entering.
[705.9s] The guardian is a black dragon named Mordegim.
[711.6s] So we've got maybe going crazy in this Underdark or a black dragon.
[718.4s] These seem like bad options.
[722.7s] Thelonious is not a good option.
[726.9s] You had said that there's a chance that he wouldn't be expecting it from a group
[732.4s] like us.
[735.4s] Do you have any sense of this guardian?
[739.5s] Is it able to let him know when people try to enter?
[744.3s] Does that make the Underdark the better option?
[747.3s] The dragon controls a region of approximately six miles around its lair.
[759.0s] Anything that happens within that lair, the dragon knows about.
[766.6s] What its direct connection to Thelonious is, I can't tell you, but not...
[773.7s] I can tell you that nobody has made it past the dragon.
[777.7s] If you are to go to the Underdark, there are all manners of creatures and drow and
[787.1s] whatever Thelonious has been lying in wait with.
[792.5s] I know the history of the Hand.
[798.8s] I realize that what we're talking about is a costly gamble, but I imagine that
[808.8s] without Thelonious here, you might feel a large weight off of your shoulders.
[817.9s] Is there anyone in your guild that has had dealings with the Underdark that might
[821.2s] be able to escort us?
[825.7s] The Underdark seems like a fantastic place to find unexpected riches.
[831.3s] I can't imagine you haven't heard of a few thieves coming in and out of there.
[842.1s] There aren't many who have ventured far into the Underdark within our guild.
[849.0s] We do have a contact in Neverwinter that goes there regularly, who may be willing,
[860.7s] for the right price, to take you down there.
[865.7s] I turn in and look at Lex.
[869.1s] I think ultimately this is your decision, but I have to say that between myself and
[876.7s] Arvid, at least, we're far more equipped to deal with the things in the Underdark.
[884.5s] I've never fought a dragon, at least not one that large.
[888.7s] I'm not quite sure I want to start now unless we're sure we could do it.
[894.1s] Yeah, I got to say, I think I agree with Margaret, dragon seems like a lot.
[900.1s] Yes, I agree, a dragon, a six mile radius, sneaking.
[907.1s] I think if a small group can do it, it can only be by subterfuge and there's no subterfuge
[915.1s] when you're fighting a dragon.
[919.1s] That's embroidered on one of the quilts in my old home.
[928.8s] So I don't relish the idea of the Underdark, but I also don't fear death and the undead,
[937.4s] as most creatures do, being familiar with it.
[943.9s] Who is this contact in Neverwinter?
[947.2s] It's a gnome who goes by the name of Budig.
[952.2s] We've done business with him for a while.
[955.5s] He gets us goods from his travels down there, components for various clients, travels down
[967.4s] there quite regularly, was in pretty tight with Vafreet.
[974.0s] So maybe we won't mention the thing.
[978.0s] Maybe not.
[979.0s] Maybe we don't lead with it.
[983.2s] Is there anything you need from us for sharing this information?
[987.5s] If you do it, I mean, that's payment enough.
[993.2s] But if you don't, he can't know that I helped you.
[999.5s] Of course not, of course not.
[1001.9s] Probably a good time to mention I've already forgotten what your name was.
[1005.6s] Prims Blossom.
[1006.6s] I see what you did there.
[1009.9s] Who's got the list?
[1010.9s] I guess me.
[1012.9s] I mean, one of the names mentioned, Mordekim, jumps out as kind of sparks to you as part
[1022.6s] of that name is on that list.
[1024.9s] Right.
[1025.9s] Yeah.
[1026.9s] So maybe I'll pull that out, you know, while we've got a knowledgeable person here.
[1033.1s] This is the list of the people we're looking for and Thelonious is at the top
[1040.3s] of that list and you've helped us with that and it looks like Mordekim is probably there
[1046.1s] as well.
[1047.1s] I think we know who VAR is.
[1050.5s] Do you recognize this other name?
[1053.4s] I don't recognize that name.
[1056.7s] I mean, this has to be Mordekim.
[1060.0s] If this is Thelonious Primsbane, obviously.
[1064.9s] Mordekim makes sense.
[1067.7s] I don't recognize VAR, but if you say you know who it is, then no, I don't recognize
[1075.2s] nobody that I've dealt with.
[1078.0s] Well, then I guess we just need to say thank you and I'll take that coin purse that she
[1084.7s] handed across the desk earlier as payment for the packages.
[1091.2s] You know, we need money.
[1092.2s] Just because we're on a mission of righteousness doesn't mean we don't have to eat and
[1096.1s] stay at Inns.
[1098.6s] Well, it's been an absolute pleasure chatting with you.
[1105.6s] If there's anything else you need on your way out, Pia will lead you out and get you
[1113.8s] many food.
[1115.8s] Stay the night.
[1116.8s] We'll take care of you.
[1118.9s] I think just getting a sense of her.
[1122.7s] Margaret stands up and thinks back to our short time with Vafreet.
[1130.7s] We had mentioned that Vafreet's location is under new management.
[1138.7s] I think it's your management.
[1142.0s] Perhaps I will help you a little bit securing the city.
[1147.8s] Make sure everyone's well fed and rested.
[1154.6s] You've come with very interesting news today, friends.
[1160.8s] Who are you?
[1164.2s] Us?
[1167.2s] Just four random strangers that no one thought could pull it off.
[1174.0s] You're led back down the hallways and back out into the main tavern area.
[1179.9s] She sits you down at the table, brings you the menu, says anything is taken care of.
[1187.5s] Lex, you look into the purse, or if you look into the purse, I guess.
[1193.9s] Sure.
[1194.9s] Just spiders.
[1195.9s] Jingle dangles.
[1196.9s] Take that, Vafreet.
[1199.9s] That's the usual payment of spiders.
[1206.1s] And you find 25 platinum coins.
[1211.4s] What do you say?
[1213.4s] We enjoy our meal here, and then we look for a way to do some good deeds with all
[1218.6s] this money we've come into.
[1221.0s] That's not a bad idea.
[1223.8s] But perhaps set a little aside, we might want to do a bit of research of the Underdark
[1230.0s] to see if there are special supplies we might need.
[1233.7s] Absolutely, and it sounds like we'll probably need to pay this booted character to take
[1240.5s] us down there.
[1242.6s] But a small little splurge of good deeds before we leave town could be just the
[1247.8s] thing before heading into the Underdark.
[1250.0s] I couldn't agree more.
[1251.7s] I think it's a great idea.
[1254.2s] So what are causes close to your heart?
[1258.2s] Me personally, any time there's a underfunded orphanage, I always like to make sure everyone
[1267.2s] has enough to eat and a safe place to sleep.
[1269.8s] I was going to say let's get freaky, but it seems out of place right now.
[1276.9s] Well, especially after that answer.
[1279.8s] Yeah, no, I should have gone first.
[1282.0s] I hesitated.
[1283.6s] My bad.
[1286.4s] We'll pretend I didn't.
[1287.6s] I'll say mine last.
[1289.2s] No, it's fine.
[1290.2s] I like this this wordplay that we have here where I was going to say something
[1295.8s] sex related and you said for the kids.
[1302.4s] Perseus?
[1304.2s] Well, if there's any like hobby farms or anything, maybe like some some artisan type
[1311.4s] deals with maybe cheese, I don't know, could be anything.
[1315.3s] Maybe we could help them out.
[1317.0s] Yes.
[1318.0s] Yes, I love it.
[1319.0s] We can support local artisans.
[1322.2s] We can help an orphanage.
[1324.0s] I would love to find someone helping animals.
[1327.2s] Perseus got me through the worst times in my life as my best friend, the rat,
[1332.9s] and I feel like animals really offer something to the world.
[1336.8s] And then if we have energy, whatever Arvid thinks we should do.
[1342.8s] Oh, yes.
[1344.7s] Don't get me wrong.
[1345.7s] I mean, once the artisan cheeses are had and the children are fed and everyone's
[1351.8s] got a place to sleep, well, let's fucking get freaky real work hard, play hard
[1357.6s] kind of situation.
[1358.6s] Oh, yeah.
[1359.6s] It's not the years, it's the mileage.
[1361.2s] I'm only twenty nine.
[1369.6s] OK, so we're looking for an orphanage, blah, blah, blah.
[1373.2s] We go to an orphanage.
[1374.4s] We support some artisans and then Arvid, we support, we support some artisan
[1380.2s] orphans. We got our wires crossed a little bit.
[1385.2s] OK, well, we fast forward through you finding the local, the Yarder Orphanage
[1394.6s] and donating some money.
[1396.4s] You see children crying and happy and gleeful.
[1400.1s] You see the head nun thankful and gifts you something.
[1405.5s] No, it doesn't gift you anything. That would be weird.
[1408.6s] Thank you for this transaction.
[1410.0s] She gives you a child.
[1413.7s] The opposite of what we wanted.
[1415.9s] Yeah, we're going in the underdark here.
[1417.6s] We're perfect family. Yep.
[1421.7s] You go to the Yarder furry farm.
[1426.8s] No. We haven't.
[1429.4s] No, Arvid's thing is last.
[1431.3s] I said the Yarder animal shelter.
[1435.4s] Mm hmm.
[1438.3s] And there's a lot of there's a lot of dogs and cats and goats and a small rodent
[1446.0s] section, mice and rats.
[1450.5s] And they are very supportive.
[1452.5s] And then you each find a local artisan who you choose to donate some money to.
[1457.4s] Which artisan do you find?
[1459.8s] Well, Perseus finds the local cheesemonger, the cheese head.
[1464.8s] Yes, cheese head farms.
[1466.2s] Yeah, that's the one.
[1467.6s] It's a it's a small place.
[1471.0s] You know, they have one cheese hopper in the back.
[1474.5s] There's a little jingle on the bell as you enter.
[1477.9s] There's one woman and one man behind the desk.
[1482.4s] Man's reading the newspaper.
[1483.6s] A woman calls you in and says, hey, come in.
[1485.9s] What can I do for you?
[1488.8s] Good, sir.
[1490.2s] So we just stop by to sample some of your wares and see how business has been.
[1497.2s] Well, business has been good.
[1498.7s] It's a little slow right now.
[1502.1s] It's been tough to tough to tough to source, you know, enough material.
[1509.2s] But at the same time, when we get too much, some of it goes bad because we
[1512.8s] only have the one hopper in the back.
[1514.5s] Oh, sorry, I don't mean to dump that on you.
[1518.2s] What what can I do for you?
[1519.8s] You need some cheese here.
[1521.5s] Take take some take some of this.
[1524.9s] It's one of our finest Gruyères.
[1528.0s] Ooh, love a good Gruyere.
[1530.7s] Thank you.
[1531.7s] So you were saying about your too much supply, but not enough supply.
[1536.4s] And sometimes there's.
[1539.2s] You can tell I really know how a cheese business works by all of the
[1543.2s] intricacies I've put into, you know, what goes into it.
[1548.6s] Yes, yes.
[1549.6s] So if you were to need more equipment, sounded like that was kind of the way.
[1555.3s] Would you just have to sell more cheese to make that happen?
[1558.8s] Or how would you go about making that happen?
[1560.7s] Well, that's how business works.
[1563.1s] You sell goods for profit, save profit, grow business.
[1568.7s] Well, I'm learning.
[1569.7s] So let me write this down.
[1571.2s] Yep.
[1571.7s] Lather, rinse, repeat.
[1573.0s] Eventually you grow to a size that is sustainable in and of itself.
[1577.1s] And cheese can be had by all.
[1581.2s] Take down the big cheese, you know.
[1583.4s] Well, I really like that sentiment of cheese had by all.
[1586.8s] That is right up my alley.
[1589.0s] Well, I recently came into some money and I'm trying to decide what to do
[1594.5s] with it, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted it.
[1597.9s] You just you just want to give us money.
[1600.4s] Well, I mean, this Gruyere is delicious and I feel like more people
[1603.8s] should have access to it.
[1605.1s] What kind of secret millionaire are you?
[1609.4s] The best kind of former rat.
[1611.8s] There's a lot to unpack there.
[1614.0s] Yes, I know.
[1615.0s] It's very confusing for a lot of people.
[1617.8s] But here's the deal.
[1619.3s] If you think this will help you supply cheese to the masses,
[1623.8s] then I'm happy to help you.
[1625.8s] I think it would.
[1629.4s] What is your name, good sir?
[1632.1s] Perseus.
[1633.4s] Well, with this amount of money, we could buy two more hoppers.
[1638.5s] And that means more cheese for the people.
[1641.3s] And that means more cheese for the people.
[1643.1s] See, I'm learning.
[1644.5s] I'm learning since I've been here.
[1646.0s] You've got it.
[1647.4s] Well, with that, we could sell so much more cheese and you, Perseus.
[1652.5s] Well, I could offer you nothing but but cheese for future future visits.
[1657.2s] And any time you you come in, cheese is on the house.
[1661.7s] Well, I mean, that's very kind of you.
[1664.2s] And it's exactly what I was hoping for.
[1667.3s] Not exactly the most selfless task here, but.
[1671.5s] I like and Perseus have a little cheese out of the deal.
[1676.0s] Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka.
[1681.5s] Begins breaking down in tears over the cheese
[1685.3s] hoppers that could be had.
[1686.8s] And you two discuss cheese all the afternoon.
[1689.6s] The live long day.
[1691.9s] We cut to Lex.
[1693.9s] So I have found a jeweler.
[1696.8s] Yeah, you find Ruby's jewels.
[1701.2s] A small older woman comes out from the back and she's got like these, you know,
[1706.4s] the tiny magnifying glass glasses just on the edge of her nose.
[1712.6s] And she comes out from the back and says, yes, I'll be with you in a minute.
[1715.8s] And she kind of you hear some stumbling around at the back and she comes out and says,
[1720.9s] what can I do for you, sir?
[1723.8s] Hello, I'm looking for something.
[1726.8s] Something special.
[1728.1s] Do you ever have just just a group of friends or or family that.
[1734.2s] That you're so close to and you want to show them how much they mean to you,
[1737.4s] that they're a they're an intricate part of making you whole.
[1741.0s] My goodness.
[1742.6s] I. That's a lovely story.
[1745.5s] You have you have such people in your life.
[1748.6s] Yes. So I'm wondering if you have something that I could that I could give them each as a token to show.
[1756.5s] That we complete each other.
[1759.2s] That's such a lovely sentiment.
[1760.8s] Give me a moment.
[1762.4s] There's been there's been a line of product that I've been working on.
[1767.4s] You might just be the one to try it out on.
[1770.1s] She disappears into the back and then comes out with this.
[1774.4s] With her sketchbook and in it, she flips to a page and it is a square.
[1781.9s] It's like I saw it looks like a solid square piece, but in it are.
[1787.8s] Small jewels and intricate iron work or metal work that show part of the landscape of the area.
[1799.0s] There's like the mountain off in one side, the river kind of running through, connecting the pieces.
[1805.1s] And then the city in or a city, not necessarily this city, but a city in the center, surrounded by these hills and mountains.
[1813.2s] She says, I think this could be something.
[1816.6s] What do you think?
[1818.6s] Well, it's it's beautiful.
[1820.1s] But how does it.
[1823.0s] This looks just like one.
[1825.6s] Oh, of course, she flips the page and then it's like deconstructed to show four separate pieces that interlock with each other.
[1836.0s] She said we could we could make them as rings, as a necklace, as a brooch, however you you see fit for your friends.
[1845.8s] Oh, this are you are you Ruby?
[1849.5s] This I am Ruby.
[1850.9s] Yes, Ruby.
[1852.1s] This is perfect.
[1854.0s] This is exactly this is exactly what I need.
[1856.9s] Is it possible to get this fairly quickly?
[1860.4s] We're going on a dangerous sort of trip and I'd love to give it to my friends before we go.
[1866.3s] We live in a magical world.
[1867.6s] I'm sure I could have it for the time that you need it.
[1872.1s] Well, this is absolutely perfect, Ruby.
[1876.3s] You've made my day and I think I think my friend's day as well.
[1880.3s] Yes, yes, just come back later later this evening and I'll have them all ready for you.
[1885.1s] You can you can deliver them as you will.
[1889.0s] I'm so looking forward to this.
[1890.4s] I've been I've been thinking about this this idea just waiting for the perfect person to walk in who has three friends that they want to gift best friend things to.
[1900.6s] What are the chances?
[1906.9s] Margaret, what kind of thing do you want to support?
[1910.6s] I think like a like a small weaponsmith, like a small blacksmith.
[1916.4s] No one first saw the shopping montage, but I like it.
[1919.7s] Right.
[1920.4s] I didn't foresee it took a real twist.
[1923.0s] It really did.
[1924.4s] I was prepared to have you go fight a bit and an ancient black dragon.
[1928.3s] Doesn't it?
[1928.7s] Well, it's hard to just cram that in the back end of a two episode record night, or at least, you know, walk up to the mountain, be like, we've made a terrible decision.
[1939.2s] This was a mistake.
[1944.0s] It's the middle time.
[1945.4s] Thanks for being here.
[1947.1s] We're going to talk about some cool stuff.
[1950.2s] Can't get enough of that sugar crisp.
[1952.6s] Yeah, really.
[1953.3s] As a little bit, I felt it once I was in it.
[1955.7s] Thank you.
[1956.2s] Thank you.
[1957.0s] As soon as like halfway through, I was like, this is sugar crisp.
[1959.2s] So I hope somebody calls it.
[1963.5s] You need that creepy, like, oh, yeah, that the bear does at the end.
[1966.8s] Is it a bear?
[1967.7s] It's a bear.
[1969.2s] Yeah, he's a bear.
[1970.0s] Yeah.
[1970.6s] Yeah.
[1970.8s] It's a bear or a confused cat.
[1972.6s] One of the two.
[1973.6s] Oh, was it?
[1974.5s] No, he wasn't a wrecking.
[1975.3s] No, I think a bear.
[1976.6s] I'm pretty sure bear.
[1977.6s] Isn't he sugar bear?
[1978.8s] I'm pretty sure.
[1979.6s] Sugar bear.
[1980.0s] Yeah.
[1980.3s] Sugar bear.
[1981.4s] Sounds sexual.
[1982.7s] Anyway.
[1984.1s] Anyway, Rev's here.
[1985.4s] Lex is here.
[1986.6s] You know who's not here?
[1988.0s] Amy.
[1988.7s] Well, let's talk about who's here first, because Rev's our guest.
[1991.6s] Oh, that's true.
[1993.0s] And he's a guest?
[1994.2s] I thought he's just a part of a podcast.
[1996.2s] I feel like we have tricked him into being a cast member on the show, and I love it.
[2002.4s] We've done that with so many.
[2003.6s] He is not the only one.
[2004.8s] If he came over to our house, he would be getting, like, plates and dishes like himself.
[2008.8s] He would be inside of our refrigerator.
[2010.8s] He's a guest, but we put that in quotation marks.
[2013.3s] He's just one of the gang.
[2014.4s] So Rev is, Rev's a part of our show.
[2016.9s] He shows up every now and again, basically whenever we can steal him away from the
[2020.2s] quit show, which you should definitely be listening to and also checking out their
[2023.2s] new cool streams because they're doing, like, guest DMs and GMs for different games
[2028.3s] and showcasing different games over on their Twitch.
[2031.7s] Very cool, very fun.
[2033.7s] They've got like a Star Wars one and some other really cool stuff, which I
[2037.6s] probably should have looked up before I immediately started talking about it.
[2040.3s] But you know what?
[2040.8s] That's okay, cool.
[2042.3s] That's okay, too.
[2043.8s] It's fine.
[2044.2s] And that's okay, cool.
[2046.4s] And now we can talk about who's not here.
[2049.0s] It's me.
[2049.4s] I'm not here.
[2050.0s] I'm missing me.
[2050.6s] Amy's not here.
[2051.6s] I mean, she's here right now.
[2053.2s] But not here for the episode.
[2054.8s] Not in the episode.
[2056.1s] I just wanted to pop in because I miss you.
[2058.7s] Next time Rev comes on the show, which is probably going to be coming up
[2062.6s] somewhat soon, Amy will be joining us.
[2066.4s] Dang right.
[2067.6s] But until then, you know where you can find me?
[2069.6s] Over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2073.3s] That's right.
[2073.9s] Amy plays Gael Nighthunter Oglokanu in the game that Tom runs.
[2078.9s] Yeah, she's a Goliath and she has no time for Russ's character Opal shenanigans.
[2084.9s] So if you want to see that dynamic really play out like inter characterally and you
[2089.6s] do, you should join us.
[2092.4s] Tom, give us a scene.
[2093.7s] Oh boy.
[2094.2s] Here we go.
[2096.3s] Picture it.
[2097.0s] You're in the downtown office.
[2098.9s] Welcome to the downtown office.
[2100.8s] Oh, Nighthunter.
[2101.6s] Good to see you here.
[2102.6s] Tom Kitty, this is not downtown office.
[2104.3s] This is a coffee shop.
[2105.6s] Yeah, no, this is my office.
[2107.2s] Look, we've got baguettes, baguettes, bagels and baguettes and crumpets all together.
[2113.2s] It's a baguette.
[2113.9s] Harold, but behind the counter has asked you to leave many times.
[2117.8s] Harold.
[2118.8s] Oh, it's a change of ownership.
[2120.7s] I should probably talk to them about re-upping our contract while we're here too.
[2124.4s] Oh goodness.
[2124.9s] There was never a contract.
[2126.0s] Two coffees please.
[2127.1s] Okay, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2130.2s] We'll see you over there.
[2131.2s] I would love to say that that wasn't an accurate representation of what goes on
[2135.1s] in the game, but it was 100% inaccurate representation.
[2138.6s] Yeah, I know.
[2139.1s] It was pretty spot on.
[2139.9s] I loved it.
[2140.4s] It was good.
[2140.9s] Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
[2143.0s] Okay, we'll get you back to the episode.
[2145.0s] Thanks for being here with us.
[2145.8s] Come join us on Patreon.
[2146.7s] Okay, bye.
[2149.6s] Yeah, you find you find one after walking through you find a couple, but you find
[2154.1s] one that catches your eye.
[2155.8s] The sign hung outside the door is in intricate iron work and it just says
[2163.4s] Harriet's on the on the sign.
[2167.0s] It's a it's not not lavish or anything like that.
[2171.6s] It's just a nice little hole in the wall place.
[2175.0s] You enter and you hear like heavy banging on on iron in the back coming
[2181.6s] from the back of the room.
[2183.4s] Nobody else in here.
[2184.3s] You see a couple swords and some shields up on the walls.
[2188.9s] Not a lot of things.
[2190.5s] Hello.
[2191.5s] The hammering goes for a couple more and then stops.
[2194.9s] You just hear it from the back.
[2196.4s] Hello.
[2197.4s] Somebody somebody out there.
[2199.5s] Yes.
[2200.7s] She comes a short halfling woman, stout halfling woman comes out and walks
[2211.2s] over to you and says, sorry, wiping her hands, kind of wiping the grease off.
[2216.4s] Oh, loud back there.
[2218.4s] Uh, hopefully you haven't been here long.
[2219.7s] What can I do for you?
[2221.0s] No, no, not at all.
[2222.2s] Noisy work.
[2223.4s] It is, isn't it?
[2225.1s] Uh, sorry.
[2226.8s] Is there anything I can do for you, miss?
[2228.6s] Uh, yes.
[2229.4s] Um, and I'm going to pull my mace out.
[2232.2s] Um, do you notice how this puts off this light?
[2238.0s] Uh, and the mace does, it gives off about 40 feet of light when it's drawn.
[2242.2s] Uh, yes.
[2243.2s] Yes, I do.
[2244.9s] That's it.
[2245.3s] I don't suppose you have, uh, the ability or perhaps the stock.
[2250.4s] I'm looking for some daggers that would possibly do the same thing.
[2254.6s] Uh, you want, you want a set of daggers that do the same thing.
[2257.2s] Same light aspect.
[2258.9s] Yes.
[2259.5s] Yeah.
[2260.2s] We're going someplace that's going to be rather dark and torches may
[2264.5s] not always be the best option.
[2266.5s] Fair enough.
[2267.3s] Um, yeah, I've got, she's looking it over.
[2272.4s] I got some material that might be able to do something like that.
[2276.8s] Um, how long are you in town for?
[2280.1s] Uh, unfortunately, not long, but, uh, I could make a sizable
[2285.4s] donation to move this to the top of your list.
[2288.3s] Sure.
[2289.6s] Sure.
[2290.1s] Yeah.
[2290.6s] Um, I mean, I only got a couple other jobs, so a couple
[2294.4s] daggers shouldn't take too long.
[2296.2s] Um, you know what, come back in a couple hours and, uh, uh, you
[2301.6s] know, I'll see what I got.
[2303.0s] Um, hopefully I'll have something that, uh, that'll suit you.
[2307.4s] Um, you, you like the work on this one here?
[2310.5s] Would you want me to incorporate it to make it seem like it's a set or?
[2314.4s] Um, what have I seen, um, everyone wield?
[2321.5s] Uh, everyone of your friends?
[2323.2s] Yeah.
[2324.6s] Arvid deals hot fire.
[2326.1s] So yeah, usually goes with his magic, but he also
[2331.3s] has a dagger of venom as a weapon.
[2333.7s] Okay.
[2334.3s] Yeah.
[2334.7s] And Lex typically uses that great sword.
[2337.9s] He has various other weapons, but that's the one that he goes for usually.
[2343.3s] And what is, what is Percy's magic look like?
[2347.4s] Uh, some sweet green hellfire.
[2350.1s] Okay.
[2352.2s] Uh, I think I would take a moment and describe, uh, to, to Harriet,
[2358.6s] um, what Lex's sword Hilt looks like so that it would match.
[2364.0s] Uh, and then I just scribe the, the green fire and kind of the dark
[2369.1s] energy, uh, that comes from Arvid.
[2372.8s] Uh, so they each kind of feel, well, kind of, so they go with
[2375.9s] their, uh, with their, their mood, their tone.
[2379.2s] Okay.
[2379.6s] Green fire.
[2380.6s] Okay.
[2381.4s] Uh, what does Lex's Hilt look like?
[2384.0s] I think it's probably quite simple.
[2387.0s] Um, just like, uh, like a leather wrapped kind of, um, handle with a,
[2394.4s] with very simple, basic look.
[2397.6s] He, he got it on the go.
[2400.5s] This is no, you know, great heirloom that's been passed down or anything.
[2404.7s] It's a kind of an off the shelf standard great sword that was
[2410.2s] cash and carry, non-custom made.
[2413.3s] Yeah.
[2413.5s] Then the fourth one could, could look like the, kind of the design of the mace.
[2417.6s] Yeah.
[2417.8s] She, you give her all these descriptions and you go and then you come back a
[2421.0s] few hours later and, um, she comes out and she has a bundle, uh, wrapped up
[2427.6s] in cloth and she comes out and lays it out on the table and unrolls them.
[2431.2s] And, um, the first one is, uh, the one that looks like your mace.
[2435.5s] It's, it follows the exact same intricate, um, almost gold work.
[2441.4s] So she unravels it and all of them glow, just a slightly different color,
[2445.3s] depending on what she's, the work she's done with them.
[2448.7s] Um, yours is, yeah, it has this intricate work along the hilt and
[2452.4s] the handle that kind of wrap, um, down, like there's a, a handle that
[2458.0s] wraps over your knuckles, but also it kind of turns upwards, um, with
[2463.0s] this starburst or sunburst pattern.
[2466.2s] Lex's, it definitely stands out as the most simple of all of them, but you
[2471.4s] lift it and it's like, all of them are perfectly bAlydinced, but this one
[2474.7s] especially, like she's taken the time.
[2477.3s] Um, it's, it looks like just like a brick of, uh, of steel, but it's
[2481.8s] light, like the, um, that cuts across the hilt and it's like wrapped
[2487.3s] very tightly with very fine leather that ends in this metal ball at the end.
[2493.6s] Perseus's is like this green tinted steel, um, and it's like flames look
[2503.1s] like they're climbing up the handle and wrapping around the base of the
[2507.7s] blade and the blade itself is like tinted in this green and gives off
[2512.8s] this green aura, dark energy one.
[2515.6s] Like it's like this fluid dagger that there's no like stop to it.
[2520.8s] It just moves from, moves from blade into the handle itself.
[2524.5s] And like all kind of flows together.
[2527.2s] Um, and she, she steps back and she's showing them all to you.
[2530.8s] And I think I've done it.
[2533.8s] Yes.
[2534.4s] Uh, I would be inclined to agree.
[2537.2s] These were, this was an amazing project to work on.
[2541.6s] Thank you for, thank you for coming to me.
[2544.6s] No, thank you.
[2545.5s] These are beautiful.
[2546.9s] You, you all settle up individually and meet back together.
[2552.6s] Um, I assume at the same tavern, given that they would say
[2556.7s] that you could stay the night.
[2559.0s] You meet there and Arvid sits down.
[2560.8s] He's like, goodness, I found this medicine shop that, uh, they're
[2566.0s] dealing in some, is some interesting magic work, uh, and set them up with
[2572.1s] a good security system, which they did not have previously.
[2575.8s] I feel like I did a good job.
[2577.6s] I'm, I'm sure you did a great job.
[2580.3s] Well, good.
[2580.6s] Thank you.
[2581.5s] How did everybody else's evening go?
[2583.2s] Well, if you don't mind, I jump in here.
[2586.0s] I, I have a little something for you.
[2590.6s] And I, in the center of the table, I like unfold kind of this pretty
[2594.1s] cloth and see this, this small, what looks like this small scene of, of,
[2600.2s] um, terrain and everyone, you know, probably is like, what did he do?
[2606.5s] Just kidding.
[2607.0s] It's very pretty.
[2607.6s] It's quite tiny.
[2608.5s] It's like a miniature of, of, of the terrain surrounding us.
[2613.0s] Oh, this is really cool.
[2614.5s] Yes.
[2614.8s] It's beautiful.
[2616.5s] But wait, there's more.
[2620.8s] And I, I separate the pieces and I hand one to each of my friends.
[2625.9s] And I wanted to show you how important our, our bond is to me, that, that the,
[2631.4s] the pieces of each of us help, help me feel whole.
[2634.7s] So if you, if you would take this and, and, and keep it with you, I think
[2639.6s] it will, will help keep you safe.
[2642.8s] I'll never take it off.
[2644.6s] Yes.
[2645.0s] Thank you very much.
[2646.4s] As I, I will wear it close to my heart.
[2649.4s] I, uh, I also actually have something for each of you.
[2654.3s] Um, and I set the, the bundle on the table and start to unwrap it.
[2659.0s] Where we're headed, it's probably going to be literally and figuratively the
[2666.7s] darkest thing that any of us have ever faced.
[2670.1s] Uh, and I have the bundle open by this time and each of these daggers is
[2673.9s] glowing with a slightly different light.
[2676.7s] Um, and I passed them out to, to each of them.
[2680.6s] My hope is that with these, well, as long as we are each a light to one
[2686.8s] another, we'll always be able to find each other.
[2691.2s] These are incredible, Margaret.
[2692.6s] I've always admired your mace and how it, it lights our path.
[2696.0s] And this is, is super cool.
[2699.2s] Yes.
[2699.5s] It's super cool.
[2701.4s] This is, this is wonderful.
[2704.8s] I feel like I did not get the hint that we were purchasing gifts
[2709.8s] for each other and I got some pills.
[2716.1s] Is this for the get wild time?
[2719.2s] Yes.
[2719.6s] I thought you don't need to provide gifts.
[2721.5s] I thought you had planned our entertainment for the night.
[2725.0s] Well, Perseus still has to go, but yes, we are getting freaky, freaky.
[2732.5s] Well, I brought cheese for everybody.
[2735.6s] Um, and there's a little, uh, like cheese knife set for, for everybody
[2740.8s] to go with as well, so now when we have cheese, we've all got the
[2745.4s] stuff to eat the cheese with.
[2747.5s] And if we lose our lighted daggers, we have a small cheese
[2751.5s] knife to take on the darkness.
[2754.2s] Yes.
[2755.0s] True.
[2755.6s] Or if you lose the cheese knife, you've got something
[2759.6s] to still cut the cheese with.
[2761.3s] Especially for all our nighttime cheese fests.
[2765.4s] This will be very helpful.
[2767.1s] Late night snacks.
[2768.4s] All right.
[2768.8s] Who's ready to get fucked?
[2781.9s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season two, episode 80, starring Carla
[2785.4s] Maxted as Lex, Tom Laird as Perseus, and Russ More as your
[2789.1s] Dungeon Master with guest Rev DeShane as Margaret Broadcloak,
[2793.2s] editing production and sound design by Russ More.
[2795.8s] This episode featured music and sound effects from Epidemic Sound.
[2798.9s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch,
[2801.7s] Jessica Babyok, Mark Hartless, Stevie, Kat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[2806.2s] Christian Brown, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens, Eric Houlahan, and
[2810.1s] Ray Sirbeck to support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other
[2813.9s] productions and get access to an exclusive podcast, bonus episodes
[2817.7s] and much more, please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumb
[2821.8s] dragon cast.
[2823.0s] You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumb dragon podcast
[2826.6s] and on Twitter and Instagram at dumb dragon cast.
[2829.8s] Thank you for listening.
[2830.9s] Have a great week and we'll talk again soon.
[2833.8s] That no one thought could pull it off.
[2837.8s] Exactly what I was looking for.
[2842.0s] I thought you were going with the time honored tradition of making
[2844.4s] our guests name our groups.
[2846.2s] Yeah, me too.
[2848.9s] We're the Rough Riders.
[2853.0s] That would have been a wild answer.
[2856.5s] I've already done my naming.
[2858.1s] That's right.
[2859.7s] You just hear Harvard in the back.
[2860.9s] Stop.
[2862.0s] Throw away.
[2867.5s] No, is that not?
[2868.2s] I thought we had this conversation on the way here.
[2870.2s] Sorry.
[2870.6s] Sorry.
[2870.8s] I just, weird spell, weird songs.
[2874.2s] Yeah, fair enough.
[2875.7s] What you want to do?
[2878.6s] Chat about things, cut to another scene.
[2882.2s] How do you, how do you want to go about this?
[2885.3s] Can we have a small, fun adventure before we head into the underdark?
[2888.9s] Cause we're probably out of game, obviously not heading into the
[2892.0s] underdark tonight.
[2894.0s] No, probably not.
[2895.6s] Yeah.
[2896.6s] So what can we do that's fun guys?
[2898.6s] Karaoke competition.
[2900.2s] Ooh, cheese, cheese shop.
[2904.8s] Sure.
[2905.1s] For the back half of this episode.
[2909.8s] Meet there and Harvard sits down.
[2911.1s] He's like, well, I, nope, that's not Harvard.
[2915.2s] Oh, wow.
[2916.6s] Oh boy.
[2917.0s] Went real new for you there, didn't we?
[2919.0s] Oh jeez.
[2920.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.