[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.0s] you want to meet your creator yes i want to know why i was made well you were you were made as an
[37.5s] experiment but for no purpose just to see if he could do it is he evil he's evil right no he's
[44.2s] got to be evil i mean he sounds a little evil don't don't don't look not he's not evil he
[52.7s] was trying out some things uh because he was getting in good with uh with this guy who you
[60.0s] know i told him he was kind of evil you see a scene play out in front of you he sent you off
[68.6s] and he runs back to his chamber closes and locks the door behind him he begins writing
[73.8s] a note the door bursts open behind him and in behind them almost floats
[82.6s] a dark elf with long white hair small smile a smirk comes across this dark elf's face
[93.5s] well my friends i i feel like my work here is now i think only just beginning i need to
[100.4s] to find this balonious crims and get justice well i'm in i don't know about about you others
[109.8s] oh i'm happy to help yes this person seems to command just the type of thing i am
[116.8s] well still kicking around to deal with well Lex or lee or ranger or whatever your name
[123.5s] might be tomorrow
[127.5s] where to next
[131.2s] i think we need to leave this place
[135.0s] and go back to that town and get some more information
[153.5s] so
[165.4s] welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons i'm your dungeon master rusk more he him and with me today
[171.0s] carla max dead she her tonight i am playing Lexington a human fighter slash pAlydin
[179.6s] he him tom layered as well he him and tonight i'm playing perseus a lightfoot halfling warlock who
[186.7s] also goes by he him and joining us again if you haven't noticed we're in Lexus story which that
[191.8s] means that rev from the crit show is back he him i am here playing margaret broad cloak
[197.4s] the human monster hunter she her rev it's a delight to have you back i'm so excited thank
[203.5s] you so much yeah welcome back welcome back excited i was looking at it like when did
[208.1s] we last play this game because like it was pretty fresh in my mind because it was a memorable game
[212.3s] it's a long time ago almost one year ago i know i just looked at my notes and it was like oh
[217.8s] this is like 11 months ago this happened oh back in the olden days when there used to be other
[225.0s] people in the world not just floating heads on screens it was like i think we recorded
[230.6s] probably like that week like two days later the whole world shut down it's wild before
[237.0s] exactly that's that's why it's so fond in our in our mind but there's been a lot that's happening
[243.0s] over this year and you have another project or an expanded project with the crit show that you
[248.6s] have kind of going on that we would love to share with our audience here rep yeah yeah we
[253.2s] have just started a weekly twitch series monday nights at eight p.m eastern for about
[260.0s] two and a half hours we have brought on six different game masters and over the course of
[265.7s] the next year they are all going to run a eight session story in the game of their choosing the
[275.4s] game that they had pitched in their audition so by the time this comes out we will have announced
[280.2s] it so we are playing ghostbusters international we're playing a star wars game we're playing
[286.3s] masks new generation we're playing all kinds of of independent and powered by the apocalypse
[292.0s] games that sounds very cool we'll link all of the twitch and all of the crit shows information
[298.1s] down in the description go check it all out and hang in hang out in some of those streams
[302.9s] because that sounds like a blast yeah i'm excited where you can get in on some live
[308.2s] streams with just just us being goons and goofballs is over on Patreon Patreon.com slash
[314.6s] dumb dragon cast where when you join us you get an episode dedicated to you as well like
[320.9s] today's patron bald mouse is this like a take on dead mouse what's happening here yeah i really
[330.3s] like an industrial accident or oh okay yeah maybe yeah uh b a a l d m a u s s so bald
[339.9s] sounds like bald i like it when it is non-english just normal names because
[347.0s] russ is like going so strong going so strong here goes he's doing it his face is great
[354.7s] he steers into the skit it's delightful it's good he goes he powers right into it and i
[359.2s] i admire it so Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast we'd love to have you over there
[363.2s] and now fuck it let's play
[367.9s] it's been about a month since we last met up with Lex perseus margaret and arvid
[375.1s] in their last adventure tracking down nickle real Lex's creator to find out why Lex was created
[383.2s] your journey sent you to the town of glickfast where you met an old acquaintance
[388.1s] in marvam dundalfoot a courier of nickel reels who led you to nickle reels workshop
[394.8s] there you found mixed emotions in nickle real having had experimented on these deceased or
[402.1s] undead entities trying to bring them back to life Lex it appeared that you were the only one
[409.7s] who nickle real had managed to bring to life and give a full life back to
[417.5s] while there you had come across an illusory scene left almost as an implanted memory in
[425.6s] this space of nickle real's workshop having been attacked by a sinister looking dark elf
[431.3s] and a battalion of what could only be described as his soldiers within this space you came across
[438.1s] a letter that nickle real had written and addressed to lee this letter had been badly
[445.2s] damaged and burned but you could make out one nearly full name and other part names the letter
[452.7s] read to lee thelonious primes a series of hash marks
[462.6s] the beginning of another name j y s e another name m o r d e and a final
[472.6s] name before the page was torn off v a r having collectively decided in that moment
[481.4s] that the new goal was to find this thelonious primes and or the dark elf depicted in the
[487.7s] illusory memory the four of you set off in search of anything or anyone you could find to
[493.8s] help track this person down your journey for the last month has led you across the
[499.9s] sword coast following lead after lead trying to track down this mystery man who seemingly
[505.5s] has left no trail except half stories and misremembered events marvam believed he heard
[513.0s] the name from a black market dealer in glickfest that name was vafreet graystone
[522.2s] a smooth young dwarf dealing in organs and illicit drugs in the underbelly of the city
[528.0s] of glickfest marvam leads you there through the city and knocks on the door there's a grinding
[540.9s] metal slider that opens up and like a deep red light coming from within
[548.3s] marvam gives the password quietly at the door and it swings open and he leads you in and there's
[555.5s] rows and rows of these poorly dressed younger dwarves and humans packaging up different items
[570.3s] they lead you back through this dingy and musky filled room to an office at the back
[578.5s] door opens and marvam steps in vafreet hey friend i brought some people here
[585.1s] they're looking for a person maybe uh maybe you might have heard i thought you mentioned the
[590.7s] name uh it you know maybe uh maybe one of you you threes take it and uh i just i just
[599.8s] here to just make sure that you you know they're on the up and up and nobody's trying to just
[604.6s] swindle anybody here okay vafreet straightens himself up at his desk he's a very broad built
[614.1s] dwarf older he has long like gnarled hair black hair speckled with gray throughout it's got
[623.4s] scar that cuts right across his face over his mouth well who are you and what's name you're
[631.8s] looking for my name is Lex and we're looking for several people we just have scraps to go on but
[642.0s] the most complete name is thelonious prims
[650.5s] does that seem familiar to you well maybe it does what's uh what's in it for me to remember
[657.8s] a name well we can offer some compensation we can offer services
[667.6s] depends on the value of the name and the kind of information you have
[675.3s] thelonious you say that's that's the name yes yeah it might might spark a spark a ring or two
[684.2s] of where i might have heard that name could give you a location of a possible lead is that what
[691.7s] they say in the hunting down people business i look at margaret that's her business she'd
[698.8s] know the terminology uh lead i suppose is what you could call it perfect wow it's been a
[707.8s] while since i heard the name but uh might give you a place to start you seem like fine
[712.6s] fine uh find interesting people well we we are we have business with with this person
[722.4s] okay well i got uh let's let's put it this i've got to get some of my goods
[730.8s] transferred to actually to the location actually yeah you're funny little man
[739.0s] uh i've got some goods that need to go down to a city that could be in the proximity of
[746.7s] this lead that i have well it seems like pretty good luck for us
[751.5s] does doesn't it yes what amazing coincidence also what's the last name because i don't think
[758.2s] it's just prims but like do you know the rest of it or do i have to guess it i don't know
[765.7s] prims wheel full prims sky prims blossom tell me if i'm getting close look i've heard the first
[773.8s] name felonious is uh i mean it's not a super common name so it's not it popped up a couple
[781.4s] times a year or so prims buckle arva just puts his hand on uh perseus's shoulder give it give
[789.1s] it a moment i just thought i thought it would be fun to guess you're doing a great job
[796.0s] okay thanks arvid so question out of game when you were describing what we saw when we walked
[802.6s] in in my mind what i saw is like in every movie where you go into where they're putting
[807.3s] drugs together and everyone is just in their underwear is that what it was like uh so
[813.6s] basically yeah like it's all drugs um and there are sealed containers um with unknown things um
[824.8s] but like they look like they look like coolers neat if you know a cooler in a medieval fantasy
[831.0s] world picture picture that uh that's what they look like great like a very tiny ice
[837.5s] elemental just hugging something yes just blood running down his chest
[843.9s] i went from cute to disturbing very quickly took a real turn i had a life once
[853.7s] well how what's the volume of these goods you need do we need a wagon it's something
[861.4s] we can carry can you give us some logistical answers of where we might be going and what
[867.2s] we might be taking he flips a couple pages open uh in a ledger on his desk it's just oh
[873.8s] it's oh it's nothing the satchel you carry in there it could easily fit inside of that
[881.4s] yeah
[883.9s] high value though well and i look at my friends i'm on board i want to find this person
[893.9s] that destroyed nick areal so
[898.0s] you guys in well you don't even have to ask of course Lex yes is um
[905.0s] looking around the room at all of the people like packing up boxes and stuff
[909.1s] you know you said that they were dressed very shabbily what kind of condition are they in like
[917.5s] physically like their their health there many of them appear malnourished tired would be
[924.7s] a good descriptor it's it's quite warm in the there's a good heat coming throughout
[932.7s] coming throughout throughout this room um some of them do appear to be showing signs of
[938.7s] dehydration yes i suppose anything to ease our journey and give some respite to the folks
[946.7s] working here if there's a couple other items you've got to take if it means that
[953.4s] well everyone here gets to have a little bit of a rest or maybe you don't have to
[957.0s] and quite as many runners yeah everybody's treated very well here
[962.4s] not many complaints no yes yeah isn't that right you just hear yeah
[971.1s] i'm not feeling great about this maybe they could be singing like some sort of you know
[975.4s] sea shanty or workman song in the background to increase productivity
[979.6s] yes i've been working on the railroad slinging body parts see it all comes together
[988.5s] selling hearts and livers i'll be home before it's dark i start it's dark ah good one yeah
[999.8s] but free maybe you could give us a moment just to confirm amongst ourselves
[1004.0s] sure new tasks want to consult with the group you understand of course take take your time
[1011.8s] do you need the room i just i gotta go do the rounds anyways you know you just take the room
[1015.8s] i'll be right back oh that's that's very polite of you thank you yeah he gets up and
[1021.8s] he walks by and pushes by and says yeah i'll just be back in a couple minutes don't you
[1025.9s] worry closes the door
[1030.6s] so i'd like to know where this Thelonious character is but this whole place is not
[1036.2s] this is not great we can agree on that yes well very much so yeah i don't feel wonderful
[1044.3s] about just walking away from what is clearly seems like a bad situation do you think we
[1051.6s] should try to help i mean if we go to dark ends to find an answer to the things you're trying
[1059.0s] to solve we may not like what we become in the end yes we don't want to become the
[1066.7s] terrible monsters we're chasing right we want to retain our humanity for lack of a better word
[1074.2s] yes exactly yeah we'd hate to be a real prims bottom
[1080.8s] so close so so close i'll keep i'll keep workshopping it yeah prims prims
[1089.9s] could be prims i don't even know where to go with this yes that's probably what it is
[1096.3s] he's probably a steen or a stein it's nice they didn't have to change it at ellis island
[1103.5s] yeah fantasy ellis island
[1110.0s] uh well what are we saying are we saying burn this motherfucker to the ground Lex arvid's
[1115.8s] so forceful just exactly what i would expect from you and i like it um if we were going
[1122.8s] to burn this mother down i'd want to get all of those whore wretches out there out first
[1130.2s] mm-hmm yes and if possible the information uh from our friend perhaps he comes back
[1136.5s] in we give him a few knocks get what we need out of him and um as you said burn this mother down
[1143.4s] um did he have um there was like a security person that brought us in to see him or
[1151.0s] what's house other than these poor starving sad working people it what's what do defenses look
[1157.8s] like as you entered there were two guards at the door um both heavier set um armed dwarven
[1168.8s] males um one of them led you back uh to uh vafreet's room you didn't see many others
[1181.1s] no you wouldn't have seen any others walking back through the main room there
[1186.1s] so as far as you've seen two armed guards plus uh the main boss guy
[1194.0s] well we could always just say sure give us the information give us the package
[1198.6s] and we'll head out and then turn on him rather than trying to beat it out of him
[1204.4s] so hard to rely on information you get from torture oh yeah we could we could give him like
[1209.5s] an ultimatum after after he gives us the information like shut it down or we burn it down
[1216.6s] and we'll find primstone ourselves yes that's true sometimes people will say whatever they need
[1223.0s] to when they're under duress it's true all right well that's as much of a plan as we
[1229.1s] ever have so the door swings open well done the rounds does it give you enough time sorry
[1238.3s] i didn't mean to start it there no no it's your office of course come and come and go as you
[1243.0s] please i think we've decided that we'd like the information about Thelonious and we're willing
[1250.1s] to carry your valuable package for you seems pretty straightforward you came to the
[1256.7s] conclusion that the information was worth the worth the journey i think so in a rural
[1263.4s] deception sure i'm probably bad at that let's see
[1269.9s] that was 14 okay well it seems like a pretty straight trait then great and where's this
[1276.6s] package you need us to take and where are we going goes over back over to his desk and again
[1281.5s] flips to a different page in his ledger and well Thelonious okay Thelonious i heard it a few
[1290.3s] times through some different market channels of folks looking for bits and bobs you know that's
[1295.3s] what we call it in the business last i heard the hand of Yartar was doing business with them
[1305.4s] easy place to go missing did anyone else think when he mentioned a hand that it belonged to
[1310.3s] a person i assumed is that the name of a place oh yes sorry the hand of Yartar is an organization
[1321.3s] of a fractious thieves guild made up entirely of women in the city of Yartar so where you can
[1330.9s] generally find them and where i need you to deliver certain goods is to their their home base
[1339.3s] the tavern called wink and a kiss in Yartar in Yartar all right does this seem on the level
[1347.1s] what he's saying uh you can roll an insight okay or i guess yeah insight or history depending
[1354.8s] on what kind of if you're you're trying to just get his feel or like actual world information
[1360.8s] uh insight would be a 19 you feel like he's being um completely honest
[1368.4s] um as honest as as he he can be um if you do want to roll if anybody does want to roll
[1377.1s] history you can see if you've heard of um this thieves guild or of the the tavern i would say
[1385.5s] that uh margaret for sure maybe not lax but arvid definitely like me and ursius have
[1393.5s] yeah very limited knowledge of the world it was a rat for a while
[1398.0s] margaret and arvid would definitely have knowledge of the city of yartar
[1403.4s] so the city itself exists um if you want further information on uh the guild and its
[1410.3s] makeup and if it if it does exist then you can roll a history but um as far as you are concerned
[1416.3s] it does appear that he's being uh straightforward and and as honest as he feels he needs to be
[1422.8s] uh with this transaction okay uh history would be an 18 so you know that the hand of yartar
[1429.8s] is in fact a thieves guild um one that um didn't it hasn't reached
[1440.2s] much a large amount of notoriety throughout the land there's a lot there was a lot of
[1446.0s] infighting throughout the beginning so it's taken them a long time to kind of
[1451.6s] get things working but they do operate out of yartar and have been known uh in some
[1461.4s] circles to deal in similar similar illicit goods uh yeah i will just kind of give a
[1468.0s] little glance to Lex and give a short nod all right then we will be off to yartar as soon
[1474.0s] as you give us what it is we need to take of course of course hey bring it in
[1481.3s] and one of the guards followed by another man who you didn't recognize the first time
[1488.3s] you came in he's a large built human man um he's carrying a few packages i guess is probably a
[1495.9s] better word um of materials and one of the uh ice elementals this is it uh just a couple
[1503.4s] packages uh it's got to go to uh uzumaki current leader of the hand of yartar
[1514.2s] they're expecting it she'll know you're coming you just tell her that vafreet sent you
[1521.2s] and you've got the goods she also should have some information on your thelonious
[1527.4s] great thank you and i go to take the packages they freely give them to you
[1535.4s] i don't feel prepared for what is about to happen but that's okay i feel like Lex um
[1542.0s] feels a lot a lot of empathy a lot of feeling not a lot of thinking yeah yeah more more heart
[1548.3s] driven than head driven so he's going to take the packages and uh put them in his bag
[1554.8s] and then he's going to draw his greatsword hey what's going on here what is going on here
[1561.3s] what are you doing to those poor people out there running a business here friend
[1566.2s] i'd be careful with swinging that around i don't know that i will be those people don't seem
[1572.6s] to want to be here to be well treated by you at all everything okay out there
[1576.5s] there uh see it's all good yeah that wasn't the overwhelming happy workforce
[1586.8s] i'd like to see in a manufacturing facility that just sounded like you throwing your voice out
[1591.9s] the door well i did want to be a ventriloquist in a past life so what's the plan here you're
[1599.4s] going to swing your sword around knock us out maybe take us out you know there's somebody
[1605.2s] else in line well just fill the void in behind it maybe but you're standing right in front of me
[1613.9s] and i don't like you very much
[1617.8s] i'm gonna swing it up okay here we go y'all yeah swing and then we'll roll initiative okay uh
[1626.3s] 26 she's just fine seems like that'll do it okay he was called beefy boy recall he's a he's
[1633.5s] a large creature he was known as beefy boy for a while okay yeah swing away it's 14 damage
[1644.2s] you swing out and immediately as it cuts into him where do you where do you aim for here um i
[1650.8s] feel like maybe i was inspired by all this hand talk and i'm trying to chop off one of his
[1655.0s] hands sure yeah let's say okay the fritz got his hands like on his desk so with a 26 and 14 damage
[1667.9s] pick your hand
[1673.1s] what hand was he using to like hand us things with her gesture with
[1679.1s] can i roll insight to see which hand dominant he is i i'll give it to you it was he was
[1684.1s] more gestured uh with his right great than i he doesn't really maybe think i'm so serious but i'm
[1690.8s] i'm mad so i just just swing that big old sword right through his wrist sever his hand
[1700.3s] it swings through like glides through like butter and he doesn't move because he's trying
[1706.0s] to call your bluff at this point and then he looks down and like his arm drops to the table
[1714.2s] and he lets out like this guttural scream get them and i'll need you to roll initiative that
[1721.9s] seems fair i mean i feel like it's well earned 19 11 i was really worried i'd roll really low
[1729.1s] and have started this fight and be like see you guys later arvid got a 12 what's margaret got
[1735.0s] 18 okay Lex uh you're up first so you've got two guards behind you you just hear them
[1741.5s] begin to rush towards you you don't necessarily you didn't notice any visible like longswords
[1747.1s] or anything like that but they're rushing towards you um the fritz in front of you
[1753.5s] bloody stump pouring down over his desk and floor at this point yeah i feel like i have
[1759.4s] at least momentarily distracted the fritz so i'm gonna spin around and uh attack one of
[1764.8s] the guards with my sword i don't do a great job it's a 13 13 does not hit do i oh god who cares
[1774.3s] i have like a thousand attacks i forgot there's three attacks at this guy uh 15 these are bad
[1782.8s] rolls you guys uh 15 does not hit 16 third time's the charm 16 does hit okay we found it
[1791.9s] jeez process of elimination that's good that's almost max damage that is 11 plus four is 15
[1799.6s] damage okay you got two guys coming at you one on your left one on your right which one do you
[1804.4s] go for probably the one on the right okay uh so yeah you turn and swing back and cut into
[1810.4s] him and he lets out a yell and falls to the ground bleeding heavily margaret um the second
[1817.9s] guard is still rushing towards Lex at this point uh you hear commotion out in uh out in
[1824.2s] the main area you see a lot of the just like the workers for lack of a better term kind of
[1829.9s] look towards the door um and you see one more guard rushing from uh the front where you came
[1836.3s] in uh i'm going to uh draw my shield and step in front of Lex uh at you know in between her
[1845.0s] and the other charging guard i'm gonna look at them and say your boss is right when this is all
[1852.0s] over someone will have to take over if it's someone who does it the way we like it
[1858.6s] i'd very carefully consider your next action it could be you okay uh are you looking to
[1864.2s] persuade or intimidate what do you i think it's persuade because i think he's right like
[1869.3s] someone will fill this in but if they were doing it in a way that didn't piss us off
[1872.8s] so much at least that would be something all right roll persuasion natural 20
[1881.7s] even they realize margaret is such a fucking badass they're so convinced this hulking tree
[1887.8s] trunk of a man stops before this little old lady who's giving him a stern talking to and he
[1895.1s] just he stops and he's like in serious contemplation at this point like he's no
[1899.4s] longer moving aggressively but he's you can see like the slow gears kind of kick into place
[1905.8s] as he is stopped there i'll even just say why don't you step aside and think about it for a
[1910.5s] moment and let us deal with this oh yeah he takes a few steps over to a chair in the corner
[1917.8s] and he's he's thinking about it for free it's like what the what are you doing hit her she's
[1923.4s] little he's getting a promotion it's for freet's turn and he reaches below his desk
[1929.2s] and pulls out a crossbow and points it at you Lex seems fair did he reach with his stump hand
[1935.8s] he reaches with his stump hand once and he's like oh man got me again uh and then reaches
[1943.2s] with his good hand so he's gonna roll with disadvantage for being non-dominant here
[1948.1s] um which is oh nat 20 and a five so five plus four is nine that probably doesn't hit no that
[1958.5s] won't hit a bolt goes wide over your head and into the wall behind you um you hear the guard
[1967.1s] that's running up he's yelling out to someone um you don't know who out there uh it's arvid's
[1974.6s] turn well should i do should i do something dangerous yes please or help the people out
[1984.4s] there up to you oh okay uh he goes and he steps uh to the door towards the guard that's running
[1994.2s] towards him and he's going to cast that's dangerous yeah let's do that he's going to cast
[2004.6s] a spell called negative energy flood oh boy that sounds fun you send ribbons of negative
[2011.5s] energy at one creature you can see within range of 60 feet unless the target is undead
[2016.4s] it must make a con saving throw which it rolls a two he rolls a two so he does not
[2022.3s] make that uh or he takes 5d 12 necrotic damage
[2031.1s] this is arvid like weaponizing that general creepy feeling that he gives everyone
[2035.8s] except for except for this crew that seems seems on board with him but so that is
[2043.0s] uh 25 damage which does kill the guard uh a target killed by this damage rises up as a
[2051.0s] zombie at the start of your next turn the zombie pursues whatever creature it can that is closest
[2057.5s] to it oops oh no i did it i did you see look and you just see like this these tendrils of
[2070.1s] of like black energy like sapping the life out of this guard who falls to the ground
[2075.4s] just like i did something cool that was pretty cool maybe you'll have to show me that one later
[2081.0s] arvid yeah this is going to be one to keep i think perseus it's your turn i am going to
[2088.1s] throw a bunch of eldritch blasts towards uh the freight okay i've got four of them so i'm
[2095.9s] going to make uh ranged attack spells please do all right first one's a 25 yep second one's
[2102.7s] a nat 20 okay third one's a 24 uh-huh and another 24 for the fourth one okay well all of those hit
[2113.3s] perfect okay here we go
[2118.5s] it's lots of d10s i should have grabbed more d10s which is not something i usually have to
[2123.5s] say no i also feel like there's been a lot of nat 20s rolled so far like not all of them
[2129.7s] able to be used but still 24 force damage blast into him and he gets knocked back and into like
[2138.6s] this bookshelf that just crumbles and he like just slumped down on the ground groaning
[2145.3s] but he's not dead yet Lex it's your turn um okay so can you clarify where everyone's at
[2152.4s] one's turned into a zombie that hadn't made it into the room yet uh yeah we don't know
[2156.7s] that they've turned into a zombie yet but that will happen on arvids next turn okay perfect
[2161.4s] the freak got blasted backwards from his desk so he's in the room still in front of you
[2166.3s] one of the guards margaret gave a stern talking to and is sitting in a chair just
[2170.2s] thinking thinking hard one guy's behind you the guy who got uh arvidized it called to
[2177.0s] someone who hasn't shown up yet okay i think i'm going to just attack the freight again
[2183.4s] okay that's a 13 that's a 20 that's a 22 the 20 and 22 hit great is 25 damage tell me how you
[2194.6s] kill the freight you think as like a parts person myself i just chop his head off i don't
[2201.0s] know i feel like i'm i'm okay with just taking body parts apart yeah i was gonna say he already
[2206.2s] took the hand just just just chop his head off and turn and look at the guy that's sitting and
[2212.1s] thinking and say all we want is good conditions for your workers uh huh something to consider
[2222.7s] death for you or breaks and fair compensation something to think about
[2231.1s] as you say that a another human male comes like running around the corner he's in
[2238.4s] armor like head to toe and he's got a great sword and a mace and he's swinging the mace
[2243.9s] and he looks at the scene and he pauses looking at like the massacre before him and the guy in
[2252.0s] the chair looks at him it's just gives him the just maybe maybe not today sign just across his
[2259.0s] neck he stops swinging it and kind of puts it down says uh everything okay in here
[2267.4s] i think maybe you're under new management
[2272.2s] okay star wipe
[2278.5s] cut to a new scene knowing that everyone is happy well compensated and can go pee
[2283.5s] as much as they want during their shift much as they want no more puddles it's all good
[2289.9s] whoo okay um so taking uh vafreet's information oh yeah there was a zombie there what'd you do
[2299.3s] with the zombie i was gonna ask have we have we seen this before is this the first time
[2305.7s] that that arvid has done this good question there wasn't a lot of battle collectively
[2312.1s] i think it would have been the first time that you would have seen that so
[2315.1s] let's cut back the guards like yeah okay cool yeah uh lots of pee breaks good and then you
[2321.6s] hear like this groaning of the zombie standing up and he begins moving towards that armored
[2328.2s] guard i think i just draw my uh mace of disruption and stay walk around behind the
[2333.5s] guard and hit it as it approaches yeah it's it's not hard to hit and doesn't have a
[2338.5s] lot of hit points it uh you connect and it like explodes out into the room and falls to the ground
[2347.2s] just remember we'll check back in here to make sure things are going well and
[2352.0s] that could be you okay is it primsby
[2363.8s] hey it's the middle it's the middle it's the lightest middle
[2368.0s] it's just it's the happiest sunshiniest rainbowiest middle nothing bad happens in the middle so
[2373.9s] pleasant here it's like a nice warm bath it's the inside of a twinkie you guys it's fluffy
[2379.0s] it's sweet one of those fleece blankets that you just like wrap around yourself but then
[2382.8s] aren't you the middle it's nice yeah you're in the delicious middle yeah you're in the middle
[2388.2s] hey everybody glad to have you here listening to this episode with us we had a couple weeks
[2393.4s] off hopefully you enjoyed that q a that we dropped for you we answered all of your questions if you
[2398.6s] ever have questions just send them to us um but what we want to tell you about is this great
[2403.0s] goal we've got going on in this cool spot called Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[2408.9s] where when we hit 85 patrons we're going to hang out in one of those those video chat things
[2414.3s] where you can come and hang out too and give us suggestions and guide us through an adventure
[2420.0s] in an unscripted fashion much like how we record all of our adventures yeah but with your input not
[2429.8s] ours yeah so i'm like hold on hold on hold on russ just made it sound like we script any of this
[2436.1s] we don't that we do we do not see no no an important yes an important clarification this
[2440.5s] is all just yeah it's all just flying off the top of the dome and what we're saying is
[2445.5s] please give us better domes to come up with ideas let us use your dome our dome yeah that's
[2452.6s] yeah we're gonna call it thunder dome it's the thunder dome goal i like it i like it i like
[2459.2s] it a lot we're a little ways away from our next goal which is 85 patrons where we're going to
[2463.0s] play this super awesome uh improv game with our patrons and we can't wait for you to be there
[2467.7s] so come join us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and we'll see you over there
[2471.3s] okay thank you have a great day and now okay brace yourself we're about to exit the middle
[2478.5s] oh no it's okay it's okay it's not as bad as you think
[2489.9s] exactly so taking the information for you got from the freak you make your way down
[2495.4s] hopping caravans until you reach a guide to take you up the river desarin all in
[2501.6s] totaling a solid 10 day to navigate the trails and rapids before the river splits
[2507.8s] off heading toward yarta you dock in the city's small port and make your way through the
[2514.2s] bustling city until you find the tavern wink and a kiss you head inside and make your way
[2522.6s] to the bartender who is a young human woman she has long curly brown hair brown eyes and her skin
[2529.7s] is a deep brown tan beneath her sleeves you see line art tattoos creeping up from her arms and
[2536.2s] out under her long sleeves and she sees you approach and calls to says ah you new around
[2542.1s] here what can i get you uh what kind of locally sourced cheese do you have uh we're
[2547.8s] not a big uh cheesery uh we just got just got your regular old orange no okay
[2557.4s] would you like really what i was hoping for well i'm sorry uh i can go check in the back if
[2564.0s] that's something you want um i'll i'm okay for now okay um i'll i'll have an ale and also
[2573.2s] we're we're looking for uzumaki we have something for her uh you have something for uh
[2581.9s] uzumaki she goes to pour your ale and anybody else who signals that they want one and brings
[2587.7s] them over and uh since uh how what do you what do you have for uh for miss uzu uh something
[2594.6s] from the freight interesting okay um well here's your drinks uh anything else i can get you i'll
[2603.9s] go let her know you're here and uh and and and see see what we can do for you thank you are
[2611.0s] you all right am i all right yes yes um yes yes i am i am fine normally people don't say
[2619.6s] that with a question mark at the end sorry i am fine i want to just glance around to see
[2627.5s] like if if anyone is watching this interaction what's your passive perception my passive
[2633.8s] perception is 22 oh yeah it's reasonably busy um it's kind of mid-day so you're a bit
[2640.8s] between lunch and dinner crowds um she's not looking to anyone in particular um there are
[2646.9s] a few people who look over to you as you noticed as you entered but nothing more than uh hearing
[2652.9s] the door open and seeing somebody enter and then giving you a once you know look up and
[2657.2s] down just because you're you're new in town or new to this uh you know they haven't been
[2661.8s] seen here before as far as the room goes like it's a it's a darker lit uh tavern there
[2669.2s] are finely woven tapestries a couple paintings of of the harbor and of the city
[2675.9s] nothing really to give away any sort of person or place just just landscapes and and and that
[2683.9s] sort of thing um you hear noise coming from the kitchen in the back there's only one
[2690.1s] other doorway or passageway looks like a hallway kind of on the other side of the room
[2695.0s] from where the bar is uh yeah just kind of getting a sense that there's just a general
[2700.0s] unease about her yep uh i'll just i'll just pat her hand perhaps get yourself a drink as well
[2705.8s] take the edge off thank you thank you yeah i might have one uh she she hands you eat your
[2712.8s] drinks and uh says i'll try and find your cheese there too oh that'd be that'd be so
[2718.0s] great and she heads off and back down uh the the one hallway uh leaving you four there
[2724.6s] for a brief moment before she returns if there's anything you would like to discuss
[2728.7s] separately uh i think i would just look at everyone and say you know unlike where we were
[2736.3s] a few days ago we're going to see if we do if we aren't able to get a meeting with the hand
[2745.6s] many other things we may not like but it won't be the same situation where we
[2749.5s] four can power our way through it so very carefully pick your battles yeah i'm thinking
[2756.0s] it's entirely possible that we just have a bunch of people come out with weapons
[2760.6s] this is why i need you here my friends i just it just seems obvious i'm looking for a person
[2766.7s] i ask for the person but you're right i'm hoping i'm hoping the hand is more of a
[2773.7s] a collective not terrible conditions people doing what they want freely not like not like where
[2780.8s] we were with with vatir but maybe i'll sit back a little and see i'm not the best to
[2791.6s] lead negotiations oh you're just fine to lead negotiations you did a great job and i got to
[2797.0s] do something cool and new that was very cool yes very disturbing too yeah had you done that
[2803.7s] before did you know that there was gonna be like a zombie dude afterwards didn't no i've
[2810.0s] tried it once before long time ago um we didn't hang around for very long afterwards
[2819.6s] so maybe that happened oh so there could just be some zombie running around well i mean that is
[2829.3s] that is par for the oh god you don't think that one started maybe from now on
[2840.9s] we'll make sure that they're they're down for good before just moving on yeah puts his head
[2848.5s] down sits down it's like i don't i don't think it was that one okay uh you see the woman come
[2858.5s] back over and she has in her hand um a small like cloth wrapped parcel and she puts it down
[2866.1s] in front of you perseus and you immediately smell it is a very fine strong cheese oh boy
[2872.6s] here we go perseus is time to shine
[2881.0s] and i am ignoring whatever else is happening at this table now uh uh miss miss uzu uh
[2887.7s] it was umaki uh she's uh was expecting a delivery from vafrit and uh would see you i
[2895.0s] will take you back as soon as you're ready no rush have your drinks have your cheese uh if
[2900.7s] there's anything else i can get you and then uh we can be on with business um i think we
[2906.2s] probably just wait while perseus eats his cheese he seemed pretty focused we probably
[2911.3s] weren't going to go anywhere while that happened okay um while we're sitting there
[2916.6s] does it seem like anyone is taking any notice of us any more than seems
[2921.0s] unusual we are an unusual looking group you are a motley crew um no uh yeah i would say no more
[2929.3s] than what you're used to walking into similar establishments uh just based on the makeup of
[2935.0s] your group an old lady a tall creepy dude a piece together puzzle man and uh and a rattling
[2944.2s] we're this world's kiss exactly um but yeah no more than than you would otherwise uh find in a
[2956.6s] in a neutral territory great so you finish your cheese and she leads you down uh back
[2963.0s] down this hallway uh and it which turns into a series of hallways and it's several minutes
[2970.5s] walking down before you realize that even if you had been paying attention to the direction
[2977.2s] quickly there's no way you can remember which direction you had come i suddenly have this
[2983.1s] thought in my head that i have a special ability that makes it so i always know where north is
[2987.5s] and i don't know why i think that okay i mean it seems like something that margaret would
[2991.3s] have yeah this is what happens when i only play dnd three times a year and it's with
[2996.4s] all of you yeah uh yeah keen mind do you always know which way is north
[3000.8s] and the number of hours left before the sun sets or rises all right well you are
[3007.8s] um i can't trick you with my with my hallway puzzle um but everybody else like you get this
[3014.6s] like you know you're tracking like lefts and rights as you go but all the hallways and doors
[3019.8s] look identical um you see in past several paintings that you swear look like copies
[3026.4s] of ones you had passed previously this set of hallways that she's walking you through
[3032.0s] give you the very distinct feeling that it's been designed this way so that people
[3036.8s] once they're in need to be led out otherwise they are stuck there margaret because of your
[3042.5s] ability to always you know your divining rod that you carry in your pocket always know
[3047.4s] which way is north so you you have a better understanding i'd say you'd have
[3052.8s] to get back out you would not be at disadvantage um to to retrace your steps there for sure
[3060.2s] okay so after several confusing minutes um the bartender opens a door and ushers you in
[3068.3s] to a warm office space where you see a female elf seated at a modest desk
[3074.6s] surrounded by tomes and scrolls there's a fire burning in a stove in the corner of the room
[3080.8s] that fills it with this hickory and orange smell i have to say it's a little ironic that
[3087.8s] normally in you know my previous form i would get the cheese after going through the maze
[3092.9s] but this time i had it before the woman looks up and smiles and says uh you are a different
[3101.7s] delivery group than previous please come in have a seat thank you yes thank you there there has
[3110.1s] been some management changes at the fritz so things may be different in your dealings with
[3116.2s] them in the future i look forward to learning more about that uh my name is uzumaki uh you
[3123.4s] look at her and she is in a a hooded cloak the hood is down um there are colorful spirals
[3129.3s] all over her cloak um she has very long slender fingers she's very pale like porcelain skin
[3137.8s] almost um and she has just this soft sweet smile as the bartender moves a few chairs
[3143.8s] from the side of the room so the four of you can sit on the the one side of her desk
[3148.9s] she says um you have a you have a delivery for me yes and and a request oh she's flipping
[3156.7s] open a ledger and uh just moving her finger down she's um well uh what is your request
[3164.3s] and i'm sorry your names were i'm Lex oh hi i'm perseus here margaret uh yes uh arvid arvid
[3175.0s] is how you say that of innistrad of i wasn't going to brag but uh yes of innistrad
[3182.9s] um it's a pleasure to meet you all um as i'm talking i am going to um put my bag down in
[3189.8s] front of me and start pulling out those two packages or whatever it is he gave us
[3194.5s] yes the two packages and the the ice elemental right of course cooler bag right
[3202.2s] um she she takes them from you and slides them across the desk and you see her kind of
[3207.8s] make a note in her book beside a couple different lines and she says yes this
[3211.9s] this all checks out okay well what uh what is it i can help you with we're looking for someone
[3219.2s] named felonious prims prims friend prims gown her smile disappears
[3228.9s] you mean felonious prims bay oh that was way off
[3240.3s] so
[3250.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season two episode 78 starring carla max dead as Lexington tom laird as
[3257.8s] perseus and Russ More as your dungeon master with guest rev as margaret broadcloak find more
[3263.8s] from rev at the crit show podcast.com editing production and sound design by Russ More
[3269.8s] this episode featured music from epidemic sound and sound effects from epidemic sound and boom
[3274.4s] library a huge thank you to our supporting producers gabriel lynch jessica Babyok mark
[3279.9s] heartless stevie cat water flame jacob madden christian brown devin michaels aaron stevens
[3285.5s] eric hulahan and ray serbeck to support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other
[3290.8s] productions and get access to an exclusive podcast bonus episodes and much more please
[3295.7s] join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast you can also follow us at facebook.com
[3301.5s] slash dumb dragon podcast and on twitter at dumb dragon cast thank you for listening
[3306.5s] have a great week we'll talk again soon well maybe it does what's uh what's in it for me
[3313.3s] to remember a name while we're stumped yeah we have we have nothing to offer this person
[3325.8s] uh that's hilarious just a long pause and then uh we can be on with business
[3335.0s] i can't remember if that was the voice i was using is a little higher not british
[3340.4s] i'll recut that if it sounds weird i'm sure it's fine we're all here and we don't remember
[3345.8s] what it sounded like i think she's been swapped out yeah it's a doppelganger no
[3350.5s] oh sorry margaret had an uneasy feeling that's right
[3355.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production