[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.0s] The city?
[32.0s] Yeah, this here.
[34.0s] Do you guys know if there's any trouble?
[36.0s] I don't know about trouble. We got a new mayor recently.
[38.0s] Oh, they nice?
[40.0s] He's a pretty chill dude.
[52.0s] Do we let them in? They seem pretty chill.
[55.0s] Yeah, we're not supposed to let people in.
[57.0s] Okay, but you have to be the one to tell them no then.
[59.0s] No.
[60.0s] Maybe we did not explain the reason for us being here very well.
[65.0s] We actually have a destiny to save the world.
[71.0s] Whoa. The world.
[73.0s] We're going to come with you to see the baron.
[76.0s] And I'm going to place my axe down where I stand.
[81.0s] I'll put my shield down, except that it's very distinct that the shield has a smiley face that has been carved out with like a dagger.
[87.0s] They'll never know you're gone.
[89.0s] And you're here to stop the trouble. Well, I mean, I look around. I see no trouble.
[93.0s] It would be okay with you if we could maybe just hang out at night and do a little sleuthing ourselves.
[100.0s] I feel like as guards, we're obligated to assist you on this quest.
[106.0s] I'm going to report back tomorrow when you report back with all the nothing you've seen.
[109.0s] Well, that sounds really good.
[110.0s] Yeah, okay, good.
[111.0s] Aye, aye, Captain.
[113.0s] Baron.
[114.0s] Captain Baron.
[117.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[137.0s] I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More. He, him also with me today is Tom Laird.
[141.0s] He, him and I'm playing Moot, who also goes by he, him.
[144.0s] And Amy More.
[146.0s] She, her and I play Sullivan Sleight, a lightfoot halfling rogue who goes with he, him.
[152.0s] And joining us again today from the lovely podcast that broadsorts, BZelda.
[157.0s] What's up, what's up? I'm they, them and I'm joining you playing Zee, the half-orc pAlydin, they, them.
[165.0s] And Tracy Gibbons.
[167.0s] Hey, I'm Tracy, she, her and today I'm going to be playing the half-orc barbarian Zed, who uses they, them pronouns.
[175.0s] Thank you so much for joining us again this week.
[177.0s] I'm so glad I didn't have to kill anybody off right away last week.
[180.0s] Yay!
[181.0s] No senseless murder.
[184.0s] Hey, you know where everyone survives is over on Patreon.
[187.0s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[189.0s] That's right, we're offering immortality over there.
[191.0s] Wow.
[192.0s] Come on.
[193.0s] But wait, Highlander, there can only be one.
[195.0s] Like today's, no, you get an episode dedicated to you.
[199.0s] That's what I was trying to talk about.
[200.0s] Ah, it was a weird jump in my brain.
[202.0s] I know.
[203.0s] There can only be one patron or only one immortal?
[207.0s] That's a terrible slogan for patrons.
[210.0s] There can be many, if you want to be one.
[214.0s] Many patrons, only one immortal, so we'll talk about that later.
[218.0s] But today's patron, today's, here, today's dedicated immortal patron.
[223.0s] Ah.
[224.0s] Because immortalizing them in the podcast.
[226.0s] Took you like a long time to get there, but you got there.
[229.0s] It was rough.
[230.0s] Next up is Shosuro Ajo.
[233.0s] Shosuro Ajo?
[234.0s] That's the name.
[235.0s] Ah, I love it.
[236.0s] I love it.
[237.0s] Thanks, Oshiro.
[238.0s] Thanks, Oshiro.
[239.0s] Our patrons have the most awesome names.
[240.0s] And now, fuck it, let's play.
[243.0s] Wow.
[244.0s] The sweaty armpit is much, it's a little different on the inside than I thought it
[250.0s] would be from the sign outside.
[252.0s] Yeah, it's more than just a tent, you know.
[254.0s] It's like 15 tents combined.
[257.0s] Into a mega tent, yeah.
[259.0s] Sewn together, like just one long, it's impressive.
[264.0s] Yeah, when it rains, you get clean as well.
[267.0s] It's like a double, it's a win-win, really.
[269.0s] Zed will never come to the smelly armpit when it's raining.
[274.0s] No, I gotta stay, you know, gotta keep that base dirt layer on.
[278.0s] Well, that's what protects the skin.
[280.0s] Yep.
[281.0s] So, um.
[282.0s] Would you like me to list off my top three favorite dishes?
[285.0s] I really would.
[286.0s] Okay, well, we have some ketchup soup, which has a little bit of basil,
[292.0s] it's sprinkled on top.
[294.0s] Big fan.
[295.0s] We have all-dressed chip breadcrumbs that have been smushed on top of
[303.0s] chicken.
[305.0s] And finally, there is this delectable dessert that has sweet gravy on top
[312.0s] of these tiny potato sticks and a lot of cheese.
[317.0s] That's for dessert, though.
[319.0s] Like describing my poor childhood meals.
[323.0s] I heard ketchup soup and was just like, Carla too, Carla too would be like,
[330.0s] ate that.
[333.0s] Right up there with a piece of Wonder Bread wrapped around a hot dog.
[336.0s] Oh, heck yes, Cheez Whiz, if you're lucky.
[339.0s] Yes.
[342.0s] Zed, what are your top three favorite dishes here?
[344.0s] I think my number one is stew, which is written on the menu with a question
[352.0s] mark because it doesn't fully constitute stew because you need to have
[356.0s] potatoes, vegetables and meat and every time it's missing one of the three.
[364.0s] Changes the broth.
[366.0s] Yeah, it's just kind of like you're rolling the dice on that one,
[369.0s] aren't you?
[370.0s] A little bit of intrigue every time for dinner.
[372.0s] Yeah, exactly.
[373.0s] I like a good surprise.
[374.0s] Most of the time it's the vegetables that you lose, you know,
[377.0s] which is OK.
[379.0s] I'm also fond of the, you know, seared elk with mint reduction.
[390.0s] It's so fancy.
[392.0s] Sounds fucking good.
[393.0s] We went from stew that is missing one of three key ingredients.
[397.0s] We went from ketchup soup and an all dress crumb chip chicken to seared elk
[404.0s] with a mint reduction.
[405.0s] Is Zee ordering off the kids menu and Zed is ordering off the real menu?
[409.0s] That's exactly what I was thinking.
[411.0s] I thought there was only one menu.
[414.0s] Choose one of the ones that you can color on.
[418.0s] You got to turn it over.
[419.0s] There's more on the other side.
[421.0s] Can never get through that maze in one go though.
[424.0s] And then for dessert is the strawberry cake with vanilla compote.
[430.0s] I've seen about that.
[432.0s] It's good.
[433.0s] I like that.
[434.0s] It's like a reverse of what you would normally see.
[436.0s] Yeah.
[437.0s] How they do it.
[438.0s] We'll never know.
[439.0s] How's Moot feeling about this food establishment?
[442.0s] Moot is definitely leaning towards the adult menu over the kids menu,
[447.0s] but he likes the sound of the crushed up chip chicken.
[450.0s] Like he really is intrigued by that.
[452.0s] What did Sully and Moot order?
[454.0s] Did you take one of the suggestions or did you?
[457.0s] Moot saw that they also had just cherry turnovers on the menu for dessert.
[462.0s] So he just ordered like several servings of that.
[465.0s] Hell yeah.
[466.0s] Sully went off menu and wanted and wanted his seared elk steak to be crusted in the all dress chips.
[478.0s] Mind blowing.
[479.0s] You've changed Zed's life with that.
[481.0s] My life and also the chef's life.
[483.0s] Right?
[484.0s] I'm sure the chefs love modifiers.
[486.0s] You know, it really makes their day that much better.
[488.0s] One of those secret menu hacks.
[490.0s] Yeah, I think they do like that.
[492.0s] Well, you got to be able to stretch those ingredients so they don't go bad, right?
[495.0s] Because we're worried about all trash chips going down.
[497.0s] That's a real concern.
[500.0s] Look, a bag has never lasted that long.
[502.0s] I don't know if they go bad.
[503.0s] It's true.
[504.0s] Do they go bad in more than like a day?
[506.0s] I'll never know.
[507.0s] I think with the amount of saltiness that goes on to these specific chips,
[512.0s] and I love salty things, but I just can't handle it,
[514.0s] and the vinegar, I think those chips would last a long time.
[517.0s] They will last forever.
[518.0s] I think they would.
[519.0s] Probably true.
[520.0s] Welcome to our podcast in a podcast all about all dress chips.
[524.0s] Chip chat.
[525.0s] Chip chat.
[526.0s] As the evening goes on, you enjoy your meals
[529.0s] and you regale each other with different stories of guarding and or adventuring.
[535.0s] We just tell them about the other cities that we've been to.
[538.0s] Not even the adventures, just the fact that we've been there and seen them.
[542.0s] Mind blowing.
[543.0s] We believe everything that you said, even if it's not true.
[546.0s] We thought cities were just something that like merchants talked about,
[549.0s] but like really merchants just kind of go back to their home and then come back here.
[552.0s] The time has passed so quickly in all of this involved chatter of cities and food.
[560.0s] You catch out of the corner of your eye in the window, it's dark now.
[564.0s] Like it's the sun has long set.
[567.0s] And in fact, most of the people in the tavern,
[570.0s] not that there were a huge number to begin with,
[572.0s] but they have all left too and there's just the one barkeep.
[576.0s] She's standing just cleaning up, looking over kind of to her imaginary watch.
[582.0s] And like, can I?
[584.0s] Oh, no, Baron was taking care of it, right?
[587.0s] I can't even move you along with the bill.
[591.0s] Oh, but we can leave.
[592.0s] Oh, yeah.
[593.0s] Yeah, no, we don't want to take up.
[595.0s] Can I have a beer to go?
[597.0s] Please.
[598.0s] Sure.
[599.0s] Oh, yeah. Do you have go cups?
[601.0s] Well, we have mugs.
[602.0s] I mean, we've got to bring them back.
[604.0s] Yeah, I can keep yours.
[605.0s] I know where Z and Z work.
[607.0s] I'll find the mugs.
[608.0s] It's okay.
[609.0s] She pours four ales and brings them over to you.
[614.0s] So what are you four up to tonight?
[617.0s] Looking for trouble?
[619.0s] Was that what it was Sullivan?
[620.0s] Looking for the night screams, yeah.
[622.0s] Yeah, yeah, because we're not we're not looking for trouble because I think that gives a wrong impression of what we're trying to do because we're like anti trouble.
[631.0s] Yeah, not the colloquial looking for trouble, but we're actively searching to find the source of the trouble.
[638.0s] Oh, some sort of trouble.
[642.0s] Stoppers.
[643.0s] Yeah, we want to know where all that Wayland's coming from.
[645.0s] And I'm not talking about what's coming from probably Maggie's tent.
[648.0s] If you know what I mean.
[649.0s] Yeah, don't swing by Maggie's tent.
[651.0s] She nasty.
[652.0s] If you if she's mentioned it, watch yourself.
[655.0s] Yeah, she has and she gave me some ice.
[658.0s] Okay.
[659.0s] Okay.
[660.0s] Now, she changed my diapers.
[661.0s] I don't want to hear this.
[663.0s] That cover my ears.
[664.0s] I do.
[665.0s] She changed everybody's diapers.
[667.0s] How old is Maggie?
[669.0s] You can't put an age on on a woman like that.
[671.0s] Yeah.
[672.0s] Yeah.
[673.0s] Age can't hold her down.
[674.0s] Don't put it in that box.
[675.0s] Yeah.
[676.0s] Yeah.
[677.0s] So what happens to screaming stuff?
[684.0s] And who's 10?
[688.0s] I just like, you know, you know, it sounds like somebody's turning into a ghost or an
[697.0s] elephant stepping on a mouse or the Smith's doing their taxes.
[701.0s] Or if said would like to offer up this information, it could also be the night
[705.0s] hunters or the busily grares.
[709.0s] I don't know.
[710.0s] I don't know.
[711.0s] I don't know.
[712.0s] I don't know what time it starts.
[713.0s] But if you're going to go, you should probably go now.
[715.0s] OK, then.
[716.0s] Thank you for your service.
[718.0s] Thanks for the to go flagons.
[720.0s] Of course, I'll come pick them up at the at the front gate there tomorrow.
[724.0s] There's something about leaving a bar and going out into the crisp night air and
[729.0s] it's dark, but you went into the bar when it was light outside.
[733.0s] Do you remember going to bars?
[735.0s] I kind of miss that and I hate bars.
[738.0s] Yeah, not my favorite either.
[740.0s] But like it sounds real good.
[742.0s] Yeah, it does.
[744.0s] You step out of the sweaty armpit.
[747.0s] The city before you is not the same as when you went in because it's darker
[755.0s] because we're drunk.
[757.0s] Yes.
[758.0s] And yes, full of turnovers.
[760.0s] Nailed it.
[763.0s] As the last of you leave, you hear the door quickly shut and then lock that.
[769.0s] Did you mean zip?
[771.0s] It was a tent.
[774.0s] The door quickly.
[777.0s] I forgot we were in a tent.
[779.0s] She really did mean last call.
[781.0s] Hey, yeah, that's normal.
[782.0s] Nothing to be worried about.
[784.0s] You turn and you begin to figure out which way you're going to go.
[790.0s] But where you saw tents and small houses before, you see high walled buildings
[797.0s] built tightly together that stretch high into the sky.
[802.0s] And the light of the moon barely crests over.
[807.0s] It's difficult to see.
[808.0s] There are deep shadows that fill the cracks and crevices before you.
[814.0s] And those shadows appear to move and follow you.
[818.0s] Ahead, where there was a clear path, you now see five long streets that seemingly extend
[824.0s] as far as the eye can see, where you only see darkness at the end.
[829.0s] How long were we in there for?
[831.0s] Uh, I don't know.
[833.0s] Sud never really taught me how to read the time.
[835.0s] Yeah, time's a little funny in this witty armpit, you know?
[838.0s] Is this what it always looks like at night?
[841.0s] Yeah, I want to retract that because I don't think however long you spend in a place
[845.0s] changes the physical world outside of that place.
[849.0s] So I want, that was, you know what, that was the, that was the ale talking.
[854.0s] Uh, maybe shouldn't have had a couple because, you know, we're investigating and stuff.
[860.0s] But, you know, new city, new friends.
[863.0s] I'm not going to make excuses for myself.
[865.0s] I mean, drinking on the job is a requirement.
[868.0s] So we're doing our job.
[869.0s] Okay, there we go.
[871.0s] Mm-hmm.
[872.0s] So does it look like this at night?
[876.0s] A lot?
[877.0s] Zed, I think what?
[878.0s] This doesn't quite feel right.
[880.0s] No, this is, uh, I mean, we've seen some weird shit, but this is like weirder shit.
[888.0s] These buildings, they're so high.
[890.0s] Yeah, real tall tents.
[892.0s] I don't even think these are tents.
[894.0s] Zed, I think these are like made of stone and stuff.
[900.0s] A crack of energy is heard and rings out, and a high-pitched whine rings out on the air that rushes towards you and blasts you backwards.
[913.0s] Make a dexterity saving throw, everybody.
[917.0s] Oh, that's okay.
[918.0s] Well, that's not the best.
[920.0s] Uh, 13.
[921.0s] Uh, natural one.
[922.0s] Hey!
[924.0s] 12 for me.
[925.0s] I got a 19.
[927.0s] Z, Moot, and Sully, you, you're pushed backwards.
[931.0s] Z, you manage to stand, stand, you keep your ground.
[934.0s] You're not knocked back, but Moot and Sully, you're knocked back and into a, like, a brick wall that certainly wasn't there before because you just turned and left a tent.
[943.0s] Zed, you are blown back so hard you hit the back of your head and you take three bludgeoning damage.
[951.0s] No.
[952.0s] And are stunned for one minute.
[956.0s] Whoa, Zed, you okay?
[958.0s] Uh.
[960.0s] Sibling.
[962.0s] That was metal.
[964.0s] Was it? Did it look cool?
[966.0s] It looked really cool.
[968.0s] It looked really cool.
[969.0s] Yeah, that was super cool.
[971.0s] What was that?
[972.0s] Oh yeah, we should, what was that?
[974.0s] Angry wind.
[975.0s] Is that a thing here? Do you have angry wind that throws people around?
[979.0s] Uh, not that I remember.
[981.0s] I mean, this whole place seems a little bit weird.
[984.0s] Weird. I don't know, am I too drunk? How many fingers am I holding up?
[987.0s] Four.
[989.0s] Okay, I mean, you never taught me how to count, so that seems right.
[993.0s] All right, I'm not dreaming then.
[995.0s] No, I think, uh, uh, environment seems to be changing and, um, I don't think that just happens on its own.
[1005.0s] I think someone's got to do that.
[1007.0s] Hey, come out here and fight like a, you know, like person thing that's fightable.
[1013.0s] You hear flapping of wings and a low moaning whale coming from overhead and behind you in direction.
[1024.0s] Is that the screaming?
[1026.0s] Or is it the owl that the mayor baron mentioned?
[1029.0s] Oh, come on, that owl was bullshit.
[1032.0s] I thought the owl was real, but, uh...
[1035.0s] I just don't think that your baron mare is very trustworthy.
[1038.0s] Really?
[1039.0s] A man who's been trying to grow a mustache for the four months that I've known him, I think is very trustworthy.
[1045.0s] But if he was trustworthy, wouldn't he have already grown that mustache for you, Z?
[1050.0s] Sully raises a good point.
[1052.0s] Overhead in the dim night sky, you see huge wingspan coast out over this large wall that you've backed into and some of you have hit your head into.
[1063.0s] And it looks like you can see two figures in what looks like large, like, claws as it soars overhead and then moves towards these five different streets and almost like flickers in your vision, like between them quickly.
[1086.0s] Everybody make a perception check.
[1089.0s] I am killing it with these rules.
[1091.0s] Ten.
[1092.0s] Eleven.
[1094.0s] Fourteen.
[1095.0s] Nineteen.
[1096.0s] Look at that!
[1097.0s] Drunk Z is on their game.
[1101.0s] Moot, Zed, and Sully, you...
[1105.0s] Like, the sight of this thing flickers for you and you can't tell which one has gone down.
[1111.0s] In fact, you each see different ones.
[1113.0s] Sully, you see it go to the far right.
[1115.0s] Moot, you see it go straight down the middle.
[1117.0s] Zed, you see it go one left of center.
[1121.0s] Bee, you see it go down just right of center.
[1125.0s] I'm just going to start walking in that direction.
[1128.0s] Come on, Zed.
[1129.0s] No, Kavin.
[1130.0s] Oh, I think it's off to the right here.
[1132.0s] I think you're just one...
[1134.0s] You're just one to the left.
[1136.0s] I think it's this one.
[1137.0s] Nothing gets by Drunk Z.
[1139.0s] Yeah, trust me.
[1140.0s] I've hung out with Drunk Z a lot.
[1142.0s] Mm-hmm.
[1143.0s] I mean, every night, but yeah.
[1145.0s] I mean, if Drunk Z says that's what we got to do.
[1150.0s] Well, you know what?
[1151.0s] It looks like they're all going in the same direction anyway.
[1153.0s] Let's go.
[1154.0s] Okay, before we go though, I'm feeling like I'm really lacking a shield.
[1158.0s] So I'm going to use a spell slot to cast Shield of Faith,
[1162.0s] which just kind of gives me a plus two bonus to my AC.
[1166.0s] It really just looks like Sandy the shield, but much cooler.
[1171.0s] It's Syndra the shield.
[1173.0s] You follow Z's drunk direction,
[1176.0s] and you begin walking down this long passageway,
[1180.0s] this long street ahead of you.
[1182.0s] There are no real separation of buildings.
[1186.0s] Like, they all kind of just are built together.
[1188.0s] Like, it's a smooth wall.
[1191.0s] In each, like, every 20 feet or so,
[1195.0s] there's a doorway, and it's recessed.
[1198.0s] There's no physical door to it,
[1200.0s] but deep shadow that extends in each of these doorways as you walk past.
[1206.0s] Does anybody feel like the shadows are following us?
[1209.0s] I do kind of feel like we all be a watched.
[1212.0s] Like, I know your own shadow follows you.
[1214.0s] Sorry, Moot, what was that?
[1216.0s] I just definitely have that feeling.
[1218.0s] Okay, I do want to make it known that most of the time
[1220.0s] your own shadow does follow you,
[1223.0s] but those ones seem a little different.
[1226.0s] Just most of the time?
[1228.0s] Yeah, if you close your eyes, it's not there.
[1232.0s] Right.
[1234.0s] Uh, have you seen any animals like that before,
[1239.0s] and what was it holding?
[1241.0s] It was really big. Was it holding people?
[1243.0s] Couldn't quite tell.
[1245.0s] Do you have a bird snatching people?
[1247.0s] Z, are people going missing?
[1249.0s] Uh...
[1252.0s] Nobody that I know, but I mean, I only really know you, so...
[1257.0s] Yeah, I just know you and Maggie.
[1259.0s] Yeah, I know the Baron.
[1261.0s] Wait a minute, you said that this place, people used to be happier, right?
[1265.0s] Oh, so much happier.
[1267.0s] And then people started being not happy.
[1270.0s] Yeah.
[1272.0s] And people started walking into you.
[1274.0s] Yeah.
[1276.0s] I'm theorizing right now that there's, here it is,
[1279.0s] there's a big bird that's coming in
[1283.0s] and snatching happy people
[1286.0s] and taking them somewhere and sucking the happiness out of them,
[1290.0s] making them scream,
[1292.0s] and then bringing them back,
[1294.0s] dropping them off to live their sad, unhappy lives,
[1298.0s] bumping into people,
[1300.0s] and being unhappy.
[1302.0s] That's very logical. Wow.
[1304.0s] Why? What does the happiness do that they take from them?
[1309.0s] Well, I don't know, doesn't everyone want to be more happy?
[1312.0s] I know. Do you think they harvest it?
[1315.0s] Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, Zed.
[1318.0s] Are you not happy?
[1320.0s] Are you not happy with me?
[1322.0s] No, no, I'm just saying, like,
[1326.0s] don't you ever think to yourself, Zed,
[1328.0s] that you're happy, but you could be happier, you know?
[1333.0s] No, I'm happy every day I wake up
[1335.0s] and I find you falling on top of the tent.
[1338.0s] We just learned there are other cities out there.
[1341.0s] There's, like, more to life than we thought there was.
[1346.0s] Yeah, I'm going to have to sit down and think about that one.
[1349.0s] Yeah, me too.
[1350.0s] Oh, no, not here, not here.
[1351.0s] No, Zed, let's just keep going.
[1353.0s] You can sit down on it later.
[1355.0s] Okay, okay, I'll put that thought behind my brain
[1357.0s] because I can't really focus on two things at once.
[1359.0s] The four of you carry on down this passageway,
[1362.0s] and it seems to go on for a long time.
[1365.0s] After this conversation, like, you're just walking
[1367.0s] and this echoing sound of your footsteps
[1369.0s] are just bouncing off of the walls.
[1372.0s] Every once in a while, you think you catch, like,
[1374.0s] a glint of light past one of these doorways,
[1379.0s] but if you look closer, it quickly fades and is gone.
[1384.0s] It takes several minutes before you reach the end
[1388.0s] of this long corridor,
[1391.0s] and it appears, like, just like a dark, black void
[1397.0s] at the end once you get there.
[1400.0s] Like just a wall of blackness?
[1402.0s] Not a wall, but like the walls fade out
[1405.0s] and, like, blend into this darkness.
[1408.0s] Should I throw my shoe in there?
[1410.0s] Yeah.
[1411.0s] Okay.
[1412.0s] I throw my shoe.
[1414.0s] You throw your shoe, and when that big creature
[1419.0s] flew overhead and went down one of the paths,
[1422.0s] you see that same flicker effect.
[1424.0s] Like, you see, like, almost like the image transforms back
[1428.0s] to the place at the beginning of the tent.
[1430.0s] You see a darkly illuminated castle,
[1434.0s] the town hall where the Baron resides.
[1438.0s] You see the tavern itself.
[1440.0s] You see Sandy and Axelina sitting at the front gate,
[1448.0s] and then it fades back to black.
[1453.0s] That was home.
[1454.0s] That was our home, Zed.
[1456.0s] Whoa.
[1457.0s] Are you homesick?
[1459.0s] Yeah.
[1460.0s] How about you?
[1462.0s] I guess this is the farthest I've ever been away from home.
[1465.0s] Moot, where are we?
[1467.0s] You're well-traveled.
[1468.0s] You probably know this location, then.
[1470.0s] Yeah, maybe.
[1473.0s] Sully, what do you think?
[1475.0s] Does this look familiar?
[1477.0s] Oh, we're definitely in an alternate dimension
[1480.0s] placed inside, like, a little pocket dimension
[1483.0s] placed inside your city.
[1485.0s] Uh...
[1486.0s] That's what I was going to say.
[1487.0s] Yeah, yeah, that's it.
[1488.0s] Yeah, because 40% of the time,
[1492.0s] pocket dimensions happen, like, every time in a city.
[1495.0s] Whoa.
[1496.0s] That's just math.
[1497.0s] Yeah.
[1498.0s] Maybe I should use my arcana
[1500.0s] to see if there's anything I can figure out here.
[1502.0s] Is it all magical?
[1504.0s] Am I just the one that's magical?
[1506.0s] Yeah, roll it.
[1507.0s] Is there magic in everything?
[1508.0s] This is intense, sibling.
[1510.0s] Yeah, I'm going to get in on this arcana roll.
[1513.0s] 13?
[1514.0s] You know what? Me too, even though I'm real bad at it.
[1516.0s] Yeah, me too. Yeah.
[1517.0s] You never know what you're going to hit, right?
[1518.0s] You never know.
[1519.0s] Oh, I rolled a two, you guys.
[1520.0s] Nine.
[1521.0s] 15.
[1522.0s] Ooh, Moot got the highest.
[1524.0s] Sully lives here now.
[1527.0s] Yeah, checks out.
[1528.0s] Moot and Z...
[1530.0s] Yeah, you definitely get a sense
[1532.0s] that there's some illusory effect.
[1535.0s] Sully's onto something with what he's saying,
[1538.0s] and the flashing between places,
[1541.0s] you don't feel like you're there,
[1543.0s] but it's an image flashing.
[1546.0s] Perhaps it's trying to distract.
[1549.0s] That's kind of the feel that Z and Moot get.
[1553.0s] Moot, do you feel like this is a really good distraction?
[1557.0s] Something's going on,
[1559.0s] and I'm not entirely sure what it is.
[1563.0s] I dabble a little bit in the magics,
[1565.0s] but this isn't like anything I've ever seen before.
[1569.0s] Okay, I mean, I dabble in god magic
[1571.0s] in the sense that my god lets me do some stuff,
[1573.0s] you know, god, lowercase g,
[1575.0s] but I don't really know what to do with this either.
[1577.0s] Should I just poke my head through?
[1579.0s] Oh, okay. I'll look away, though, just in case.
[1581.0s] Do I need to hit something with my axe?
[1583.0s] Keep your axe out.
[1584.0s] Okay, done, and I have my axe out.
[1586.0s] I'd like to somehow stealthily poke my head through this illusion.
[1589.0s] Okay, you're trying to move forward.
[1591.0s] I may die.
[1592.0s] Zee, you're looking back down the way you came.
[1596.0s] Yep.
[1597.0s] And Zed, you have your axe out, and Moot,
[1600.0s] you're just being Moot.
[1602.0s] Rock it.
[1603.0s] So Sully, you're just trying to walk forward
[1606.0s] until something changes, essentially, yes?
[1608.0s] Yeah, pretty much.
[1609.0s] You walk forward, and then...
[1612.0s] So Zed and Moot, you would see as Sully walks forward,
[1615.0s] you see kind of that flickering effect again,
[1618.0s] but it's not landing on any one particular location.
[1621.0s] Sully, you don't see it as you're walking in
[1624.0s] until you get to a point where it starts to...
[1627.0s] the darkness starts to open up,
[1629.0s] and it's opening onto the castle.
[1632.0s] Like, you see it clearly.
[1634.0s] Like, you're opening, and you come around to the corner,
[1636.0s] and there's the castle now.
[1638.0s] You see this large beast that you were following
[1641.0s] up in the sky, and it's landing down behind the castle.
[1644.0s] Zee, you turn around,
[1646.0s] and as Sully's walking forward,
[1648.0s] you hear, like, slow, dragging footsteps.
[1654.0s] You don't see them.
[1656.0s] It's gotten darker,
[1659.0s] and you hear just these, like, slow, like,
[1662.0s] one foot off to the side, and then it hits,
[1665.0s] and then there's another step,
[1667.0s] and then they start to multiply.
[1669.0s] There's more of them coming down towards you.
[1672.0s] Oh, gosh, I have two things that I want to do.
[1674.0s] I want to break my concentration
[1675.0s] and cast my Protection of Good and Evil,
[1677.0s] but I also really want that extra AC.
[1679.0s] Oh, I hate playing casters.
[1682.0s] Hey. Hey, everybody.
[1684.0s] There's, like, the castle's, like, right here,
[1687.0s] and the bird landed in the backyard.
[1690.0s] I have command.
[1692.0s] Okay.
[1693.0s] The only thing is I can't quite see them,
[1696.0s] so I want to start walking in that direction,
[1699.0s] looking to see what I can.
[1701.0s] So you're walking towards the sound?
[1703.0s] Yep.
[1704.0s] Roger that.
[1705.0s] I haven't said anything to anybody else.
[1706.0s] I'm just walking away with my one shoe off.
[1708.0s] Just one shoe.
[1710.0s] Do I find Zee's shoe?
[1714.0s] You see Zee's shoe.
[1715.0s] Oh, okay, I pick it up.
[1717.0s] Oh, thanks.
[1718.0s] Zed and Moot, you hear, softly,
[1721.0s] Zee walking off.
[1727.0s] I assume you have heavy boots.
[1729.0s] I think so.
[1731.0s] But also, like, mixed in with this dragging foot sound.
[1736.0s] And it's nighttime, right, Ross?
[1738.0s] Yes.
[1741.0s] All right.
[1742.0s] It appears to be night, like, where Sully is,
[1744.0s] where you are, night all in general.
[1747.0s] I'm going to take out a torch,
[1751.0s] and I'm going to cast my light spell on it
[1753.0s] just to give us some more light in this situation.
[1756.0s] See if we can see what's making that noise.
[1758.0s] You're casting magic?
[1759.0s] I am casting magic.
[1761.0s] Oh, no.
[1762.0s] But I rolled a 15, so it should be all right
[1765.0s] on that wild magic surge.
[1766.0s] No wild magic.
[1767.0s] Fine.
[1769.0s] Nerd.
[1773.0s] Your light spell goes off,
[1774.0s] and it's almost like this light spell hits this wall,
[1777.0s] and then the wall disperses,
[1779.0s] and ahead of you, you see this corridor
[1783.0s] filled with undead,
[1785.0s] like, five feet in front of you.
[1787.0s] Is there a good...
[1788.0s] So I can command up to 60 feet?
[1791.0s] Sure.
[1792.0s] Okay, I just want to command them.
[1794.0s] Approach.
[1796.0s] Come here, please.
[1798.0s] That was two natural ones in a row.
[1800.0s] Oh, yeah, five of them snap to attention
[1804.0s] and just hop on over.
[1806.0s] Well, hello.
[1807.0s] So what brings you five here?
[1812.0s] Okay, I think there's a language barrier.
[1814.0s] I'm going to turn behind me.
[1816.0s] Does anybody speak...
[1818.0s] I'm going to turn back to them.
[1820.0s] I'm sorry.
[1821.0s] Could you tell me what language you speak,
[1823.0s] but in common?
[1828.0s] That was longer than the last one.
[1830.0s] Okay.
[1831.0s] Does anybody speak...
[1835.0s] Is that giant?
[1836.0s] It sounds kind of giant.
[1838.0s] And I want to say in giant...
[1844.0s] Hey?
[1847.0s] What's up?
[1854.0s] And from behind you yell,
[1856.0s] Hey, Z, I found your shoe!
[1858.0s] Oh, that's excellent.
[1859.0s] I can stop walking around with my shoe on.
[1861.0s] Thank you.
[1862.0s] I made some friends while you were away.
[1865.0s] Moot, would you like to come and meet them?
[1867.0s] The greater horde has now caught up to
[1869.0s] the five that got snappy.
[1871.0s] Unless you do anything against
[1873.0s] you to make a dexterity saving throw, Z.
[1876.0s] I'll make that dex save.
[1878.0s] See, he's trying to have a conversation.
[1880.0s] Right.
[1881.0s] I got a 12.
[1883.0s] Two of them reach out and try and
[1885.0s] grab you and like slip off of your
[1887.0s] arms as you take a step back
[1889.0s] as they now overtake
[1891.0s] the five that you had commanded.
[1893.0s] Hey now, we were having a conversation.
[1895.0s] That wasn't very polite.
[1897.0s] What did you tell them, Zed?
[1899.0s] You gotta make sure that your dialect with giant
[1901.0s] speak is like the right one, otherwise
[1903.0s] I said something rude.
[1904.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1905.0s] What's up?
[1906.0s] And go fuck yourself some free
[1907.0s] Sibylone giant.
[1911.0s] I know you mix them up all the time.
[1913.0s] All right. I don't want to.
[1915.0s] I think they want to hug us, but
[1917.0s] Hug them then.
[1919.0s] You know,
[1921.0s] Maggie never really gave us hugs
[1923.0s] growing up, so I'm not really a big
[1925.0s] fan of them.
[1926.0s] Punch them then.
[1927.0s] Yeah. Is that like, I mean,
[1929.0s] Maggie never punched us, so
[1931.0s] No, but you know,
[1933.0s] if you really don't want to hug, just give them
[1935.0s] a punch.
[1937.0s] Set your boundaries, Zee.
[1939.0s] Okay, unarm strike.
[1941.0s] Can I see any of this going on
[1943.0s] from where I am? Everything! What are you two
[1945.0s] doing?
[1947.0s] I'm watching
[1949.0s] in astonishment
[1951.0s] as Zee's just trying to
[1953.0s] communicate. Zombies get closer
[1955.0s] and then they back off.
[1957.0s] I'm making the sign of like, get away
[1959.0s] from the undeads, but
[1961.0s] no, no one's...
[1963.0s] 23 to hit. Putting in some firm
[1965.0s] boundaries. Yep, that'll hit it.
[1967.0s] That's a 3 plus
[1969.0s] 4. 7.
[1971.0s] Okay, tell me how you kill the zombie.
[1975.0s] It's your bare hands. I'm trying
[1977.0s] to establish boundaries.
[1979.0s] And if you keep trying
[1981.0s] to grab at me like that, this makes my
[1983.0s] job very difficult.
[1985.0s] Now please, and I'm just going to
[1987.0s] punch like the center of the mass.
[1989.0s] But again, I think I'm wearing
[1991.0s] a lot of armor, so like, I got
[1993.0s] the pointy stuff on my
[1995.0s] hands, and it's just like a classic
[1997.0s] jab to the center of them.
[1999.0s] Yeah, no, it collapses
[2001.0s] the chest and
[2003.0s] they fall to the ground, and then
[2005.0s] everything almost stops for a moment.
[2007.0s] And then the moaning gets
[2009.0s] louder, and they seem to pick up
[2011.0s] intensity and pace towards you.
[2013.0s] Hey, I think everybody should probably
[2015.0s] run back here, because look,
[2017.0s] there's a castle we could hide in. I mean,
[2019.0s] seek refuge. I mean,
[2021.0s] find the big bird.
[2023.0s] I like your line of thinking. That's a pretty good
[2025.0s] idea, I think. Maybe we should go.
[2027.0s] Do we know, though? Zed, do these
[2029.0s] zombies sound like
[2031.0s] the Smiths
[2033.0s] doing taxes?
[2035.0s] No, that's like, way more
[2037.0s] agonized. Do you think it
[2039.0s] sounds maybe like
[2041.0s] a busily grair? No,
[2043.0s] that sounds more like badass.
[2045.0s] Okay.
[2057.0s] It's the middle!
[2061.0s] Wow. It's a big showstopper,
[2063.0s] because it's a big day.
[2065.0s] It's a huge day. So big. Hey,
[2067.0s] did y'all hear? Our voices
[2069.0s] 300,000 times?
[2071.0s] You did! You did!
[2073.0s] Maybe not you individually,
[2075.0s] but the collective
[2077.0s] you of listeners.
[2079.0s] You contributed to the problem.
[2083.0s] You've encouraged
[2085.0s] these shenanigans. First off,
[2087.0s] how dare you? Yeah, geez,
[2089.0s] don't encourage us. We don't deserve
[2091.0s] that. But hey, we made it
[2093.0s] to 300,000 downloads. What does
[2095.0s] that mean? People listen to us
[2097.0s] all over the place in a lot. And that's
[2099.0s] completely overwhelming and wonderful.
[2101.0s] That's a crazy number. Yeah,
[2103.0s] it's so much. It just seems
[2105.0s] like yesterday that we were like, guys, we hit
[2107.0s] 100 downloads and it wasn't just Russ.
[2109.0s] I know. We pulled all
[2111.0s] of our friends and family and it wasn't just
[2113.0s] them. Yeah, because we all just figured
[2115.0s] it was Russ. I pulled all my friends and
[2117.0s] family and it definitely wasn't them.
[2119.0s] My dad tried once
[2121.0s] and he said,
[2123.0s] it's just not for me. My brother tried and he said,
[2125.0s] I don't get it. And I was like,
[2127.0s] you're only five years older than me. That's fair. Get a
[2129.0s] sense of humor. Am I right?
[2131.0s] Right. Right.
[2133.0s] Carla's entire family supports
[2135.0s] us on Patreon. Right.
[2137.0s] Thank you, Carla's family.
[2139.0s] And also all of you for listening and bumping
[2141.0s] us up to that really enormous number.
[2143.0s] It's so crazy and we love you
[2145.0s] and thank you because
[2147.0s] jeepers creepers. That's just
[2149.0s] wild. And where did you get them peepers?
[2151.0s] Probably
[2153.0s] somewhere dark because
[2155.0s] it's the darkest time. Oh, no.
[2157.0s] We don't know when we're releasing this.
[2159.0s] Who knows? It's the darkest timeline
[2161.0s] somewhere. Isn't that
[2163.0s] the same? That's horrible. Yeah, that's the silver
[2165.0s] lining, Carla. Nice.
[2167.0s] Somewhere people are losing their minds.
[2169.0s] Somewhere. Yeah.
[2171.0s] Alright. Well, let's bring it back up.
[2173.0s] Thank you so much for listening to us 300,000
[2175.0s] times. Yes, you. You specifically.
[2177.0s] But we just want to say thank you.
[2179.0s] And that's all we got. So we're going to get you back to the
[2181.0s] episode with our eternal
[2183.0s] praises and tell you that we
[2185.0s] love you and we'll see you all
[2187.0s] next week.
[2189.0s] We'll see you in like 30 seconds because we'll
[2191.0s] be back to the show.
[2193.0s] I don't know how this works. Okay, bye.
[2195.0s] We love you. Bye. We've done this how many
[2197.0s] times?
[2199.0s] Zed and Zee make a perception
[2201.0s] check as you're turning and leaving
[2203.0s] casually.
[2205.0s] Fourteen.
[2207.0s] Five.
[2209.0s] Fourteen.
[2211.0s] You do a scan of
[2213.0s] the crowd and some
[2215.0s] of the faces of these
[2217.0s] undead seem familiar
[2219.0s] to you. One of them
[2221.0s] does look like
[2223.0s] one of the smiths.
[2227.0s] Zee, is the smiths doing
[2229.0s] their taxes?
[2231.0s] What do you mean, Zed? Look at it.
[2233.0s] It's Griselda Smith.
[2235.0s] Are they really doing taxes in there
[2237.0s] though? I don't know, but they're looking pretty undead.
[2239.0s] Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should really get back
[2241.0s] to Sully.
[2243.0s] I'm feeling a little uncomfortable
[2245.0s] now. Bye, Smith. Sully's standing at the edge
[2247.0s] like, come on, come on,
[2249.0s] come on.
[2251.0s] Come in.
[2253.0s] Just gotta move kinda slow.
[2255.0s] Everybody rushes
[2257.0s] out at their own pace. You bound
[2259.0s] up to the castle out of what looks like
[2261.0s] just one of the regular
[2263.0s] streets. Not even the streets because
[2265.0s] there's an extra gate
[2267.0s] that went into the castle. They're just filing
[2269.0s] into this front
[2271.0s] area of
[2273.0s] the castle where you had previously parked
[2275.0s] Rolf. Who, you parked somewhere else, I'm
[2277.0s] assuming. Oh, yeah, definitely.
[2279.0s] Because we had to take him to go
[2281.0s] to the tavern.
[2283.0s] We're just gonna leave our
[2285.0s] donkey in the driveway
[2287.0s] of the Bear Marins.
[2289.0s] Animals are safe. It's fine.
[2291.0s] I'm just asking. You're going up
[2293.0s] the entrance, you're going behind the building.
[2295.0s] Where are you going?
[2297.0s] I think behind the building because that's
[2299.0s] where Sully saw the bird go.
[2301.0s] So he's maybe running ahead being like
[2303.0s] come on everyone, this way.
[2305.0s] You rush around the building
[2307.0s] everybody else following behind you.
[2309.0s] Sully, you're first to see it.
[2311.0s] But as everybody else comes around the corner, you also see
[2313.0s] there's another building that previously
[2315.0s] Z and Zed
[2317.0s] you had no knowledge
[2319.0s] of this extra building back there.
[2321.0s] And it's illuminated.
[2323.0s] There's this pathway illuminated
[2325.0s] by torches. You see this
[2327.0s] big winged creature
[2329.0s] standing up behind
[2331.0s] it. You see the head of this
[2333.0s] creature up and behind this building
[2335.0s] shadowed, lit
[2337.0s] by the moonlight.
[2339.0s] And then there are
[2341.0s] a door slightly cracked open
[2343.0s] and you see just a
[2345.0s] thin light, like
[2347.0s] flickering fire light coming from
[2349.0s] inside this building. Do I recognize this
[2351.0s] creature? You can roll
[2353.0s] nature? Nature is probably good.
[2355.0s] Nature really was smart.
[2357.0s] How about an eight?
[2359.0s] No, you don't recognize this creature.
[2361.0s] It doesn't look of this
[2363.0s] world, I guess you could say.
[2365.0s] Nothing that
[2367.0s] you have seen in the natural
[2369.0s] nature in your
[2371.0s] travels. Well that building's new.
[2373.0s] Like this is a new
[2375.0s] like someone just put this building up
[2377.0s] or you've never been
[2379.0s] back here? Zed, have we been back here before?
[2381.0s] Maybe when we were drunk?
[2383.0s] I definitely haven't seen this building.
[2385.0s] What about that garden? Have you thrown up in that garden?
[2387.0s] You know, it's all gardens
[2389.0s] blurred together under vomit.
[2391.0s] Okay, well friends,
[2393.0s] I can't comfortably lead you into the building
[2395.0s] knowing everything is going to be safe and okay.
[2397.0s] Plus there's that really scary bird
[2399.0s] up top. But I want to let you
[2401.0s] know that I'm here to, Zed and I
[2403.0s] were here to do our guardly duties.
[2405.0s] Cool. Is there someone
[2407.0s] that you need to alert in terms
[2409.0s] of zombie
[2411.0s] attack?
[2413.0s] This is never happened before.
[2415.0s] Maybe we should talk to Chief Benson?
[2417.0s] Is there a guard that lives on the property?
[2419.0s] Well that's X.
[2421.0s] Because is this maybe a guard house?
[2423.0s] Oh, that's a good idea.
[2425.0s] Oh, so you're saying we should just go barge in that door
[2427.0s] that's slightly ajar?
[2429.0s] Well, I mean it's slightly ajar.
[2431.0s] It's basically a welcome, isn't it?
[2433.0s] Well, an invitation, at least.
[2435.0s] Okay, let's just hope the bird doesn't try to claw at us
[2437.0s] as we get on closer.
[2439.0s] You are stealthily moving towards it.
[2441.0s] You are just moving towards it.
[2443.0s] Stealthily. Stealth, it's the only good thing I do.
[2445.0s] That and steal stuff. Everybody has to make it to us.
[2447.0s] I'm a disadvantage for stealth, y'all.
[2449.0s] You?
[2451.0s] No.
[2455.0s] And so many shields.
[2457.0s] Can I, I can do something
[2459.0s] to help with that. Help, maybe you can
[2461.0s] hold their armor steady
[2463.0s] as they walk forward.
[2465.0s] Yeah, I'll be like a human
[2467.0s] or halfling elastic band
[2469.0s] to keep them from jangling.
[2471.0s] Perfect.
[2473.0s] I got a 3 total.
[2475.0s] Wear me like a belt.
[2477.0s] Just wrap yourself around me.
[2479.0s] Hold it all together.
[2481.0s] I had an 18, Russ.
[2483.0s] I also rolled an 18.
[2485.0s] Oh geez, an 8. Alright, you guys distract them.
[2487.0s] Forgotten going quietly.
[2489.0s] I don't know what quiet is.
[2491.0s] Moot and Sully,
[2493.0s] you realize, Sully,
[2495.0s] you realize that the belt situation is
[2497.0s] not working and you zip forward
[2499.0s] with Moot. Zed and Zee,
[2501.0s] you
[2503.0s] more, more
[2505.0s] clangily
[2507.0s] carry forward, but no one
[2509.0s] seems to come out
[2511.0s] of the building.
[2513.0s] But by the time you reach
[2515.0s] the door, you hear the moaning
[2517.0s] of the undead
[2519.0s] following you around
[2521.0s] this castle. You peer in
[2523.0s] and there are torches
[2525.0s] lit all around this room. You see
[2527.0s] a dark robed figure standing
[2529.0s] up at a pedestal
[2531.0s] of sorts. There are
[2533.0s] two human figures
[2535.0s] crouched down before
[2537.0s] this robed figure.
[2539.0s] There's this illuminated light between
[2541.0s] them. It's not a torch.
[2543.0s] Almost floating in front
[2545.0s] of them. And behind this
[2547.0s] robed figure is like this
[2549.0s] wavy black
[2551.0s] and purple.
[2553.0s] It looks almost fluid.
[2555.0s] The wall itself is like this
[2557.0s] undulating
[2559.0s] black and purple fluid behind
[2561.0s] that takes up almost the entire wall.
[2563.0s] Russ, do these robes look familiar
[2565.0s] to us at all? Maybe someone we met
[2567.0s] earlier that night in an office?
[2569.0s] Perhaps they are dark brown robes?
[2571.0s] The colors
[2573.0s] themselves aren't
[2575.0s] too much to match. But roll
[2577.0s] perception to see if you can tell
[2579.0s] if it's like same
[2581.0s] body stance or stature.
[2583.0s] Fuck you. God damn it.
[2585.0s] What was it?
[2587.0s] What? You've been
[2589.0s] killing it on those tonight, Tracy.
[2591.0s] The secret of gaming with me is I roll
[2593.0s] really poorly all the time.
[2595.0s] You're an Amy. What do we got there?
[2597.0s] I want to show you my 20 but it's not working.
[2599.0s] We believe you.
[2601.0s] The yin and yang,
[2603.0s] we've achieved bAlydince.
[2605.0s] Where's your 20, Tom?
[2607.0s] I had like a 16.
[2609.0s] Immediately you recognize
[2611.0s] it as Mayor Barron.
[2613.0s] Everybody else,
[2615.0s] there's some that just don't get it.
[2617.0s] I won't point fingers.
[2619.0s] But some that just don't get that connection. Others
[2621.0s] it takes a minute but you get it
[2623.0s] instantly as soon as you see this figure standing
[2625.0s] up at this pedestal.
[2627.0s] I think he smells a certain way.
[2629.0s] Whatever.
[2631.0s] It's the Sandalwood.
[2633.0s] I was going to say it was Sandalwood-y.
[2635.0s] It's whatever he puts in his...
[2637.0s] It's whatever he's been using on his face
[2639.0s] all the time to try and grow his facial hair, you know?
[2643.0s] Mayor Barron?
[2645.0s] I smelled you a mile away.
[2647.0s] I didn't think I'd see you here. What's up?
[2649.0s] Whoa, it's the Mayoron?
[2651.0s] Yeah. Wow, that was really good of you, Zed.
[2653.0s] Whoa.
[2655.0s] Picked up on Sully's portmanteau like that.
[2657.0s] You see the figure look up
[2659.0s] and like startled, like
[2661.0s] gather up a book that's on the
[2663.0s] pedestal. Whatcha reading, brother?
[2665.0s] He turns and he says,
[2667.0s] I...
[2669.0s] No. No.
[2671.0s] You can't. You can't
[2673.0s] stop. No.
[2675.0s] And he turns
[2677.0s] and begins to move towards the black
[2679.0s] and purple wall. I want to throw something at him.
[2681.0s] Throw it. You got a boot still?
[2683.0s] No. Yeah. But...
[2685.0s] You got a boot still? I am.
[2687.0s] I want to throw the boot. I've just been hanging on to it.
[2689.0s] There's been no good time to stop and put a shoe on.
[2691.0s] Let's face it.
[2693.0s] I want to huck a boot.
[2695.0s] Roll a ranged attack. Oh, it was over ten.
[2697.0s] It was an eleven.
[2699.0s] Plus seven. Yeah. Eighteen.
[2701.0s] Eighteen for boot?
[2703.0s] Take my boot. It's not even mine.
[2705.0s] Take Z's boot. That looks familiar.
[2709.0s] Boot flies through the air. Time slows
[2711.0s] down. The boot hits the back
[2713.0s] of Mayor Barron
[2715.0s] basic. His arms go wide
[2717.0s] as it connects like center with his spine
[2719.0s] and the book goes flying.
[2721.0s] And he turns
[2723.0s] and looks and like his hood
[2725.0s] comes off and you see his panic
[2727.0s] poorly mustached face
[2729.0s] and he looks at the two people
[2731.0s] and he turns
[2733.0s] and leaves the book and jumps through the wall
[2735.0s] which waves
[2737.0s] out and then sucks
[2739.0s] up. And then you hear
[2741.0s] this loud, not explosion
[2743.0s] but that same crack of energy you heard
[2745.0s] when you left the tavern.
[2747.0s] And the wall goes back to a brick wall
[2749.0s] and the two people sitting in the center
[2751.0s] of the room kind of like shake
[2753.0s] their heads and look around and they're
[2755.0s] concerned like they don't
[2757.0s] recognize where they are.
[2759.0s] You two recognize them as
[2761.0s] Betty and Gareth.
[2763.0s] Obviously. We see them at the
[2765.0s] bar all the time. Characters we haven't met yet.
[2767.0s] Makes sense to introduce them in the last seconds.
[2769.0s] It's not like we gave you a lot of NPCs to work with.
[2771.0s] They're like
[2773.0s] what's happening?
[2775.0s] Where are we?
[2777.0s] I was hoping you could tell us that.
[2779.0s] Well we were sleeping and then we woke up here.
[2781.0s] Well I think this is the
[2783.0s] Mayor Barron's shed.
[2785.0s] Yeah.
[2787.0s] Oh the mayoral shed.
[2789.0s] Yeah like the man cave right?
[2791.0s] Amu you want to grab that book down there?
[2793.0s] I know you love books.
[2795.0s] Yeah I'm going to stroll on over and grab that book Russ.
[2797.0s] It has runes all over the outside.
[2799.0s] It's a leather book
[2801.0s] and it's like the spine
[2803.0s] there's runes filling it top to bottom.
[2805.0s] It looks very important.
[2807.0s] Does it look orcas-y?
[2809.0s] You open it up and it's filled with passages.
[2811.0s] All of which you can't read
[2813.0s] because you can't read.
[2815.0s] Well you can't read either?
[2817.0s] At all? We're just learning this about Amu.
[2819.0s] Yeah you can't read the specific language.
[2821.0s] I write down a lot of things
[2823.0s] but I can't actually read it.
[2825.0s] All pictures.
[2827.0s] You're looking at the book and you listen for a moment
[2829.0s] and the sound has died down
[2831.0s] considerably outside.
[2833.0s] Is there a window in this place?
[2835.0s] Did I say there was a window?
[2837.0s] No I just said the light came from the door.
[2839.0s] I just want to pop my head out really quick
[2841.0s] to see if there's still a giant bird behind this building.
[2843.0s] So you go out the door
[2845.0s] and you immediately don't see any of the
[2847.0s] undead anymore.
[2849.0s] And the bird is gone as well.
[2851.0s] We did it?
[2853.0s] Wow.
[2855.0s] Gawass.
[2857.0s] Yeah. Can I share with you
[2859.0s] my theory? It just came to me right now.
[2861.0s] Oh absolutely.
[2863.0s] I think that
[2865.0s] Mayor Baron is also
[2867.0s] a bird. That's why he chose the
[2869.0s] name Baron because I'm sure Barons
[2871.0s] have something to do with birds.
[2873.0s] I don't know about all those zombies though.
[2875.0s] Other than the fact that
[2877.0s] our friend was in there.
[2879.0s] One of the Smiths.
[2881.0s] No birds?
[2883.0s] I think they're just dead. That was a good thought though.
[2885.0s] That was good said.
[2887.0s] What about you Sully? Any theories?
[2889.0s] I think we're all sharing them.
[2891.0s] What if Mayor Baron
[2893.0s] was controlling the big bird
[2895.0s] and it would bring him
[2897.0s] happy people
[2899.0s] and then he would suck
[2901.0s] the energy out of them turning them
[2903.0s] into zombies?
[2905.0s] All to help make his mustache
[2907.0s] grow.
[2909.0s] Okay, I like this theory.
[2911.0s] I'm going to have to circle back
[2913.0s] to Z's ghostification theory.
[2915.0s] I think that's a little more
[2917.0s] along the lines of what was happening here.
[2919.0s] We've all got really good ones.
[2921.0s] Zed, do you have any you want to share?
[2923.0s] I don't know, I'm just so like
[2925.0s] this was a night, like I need
[2927.0s] a drink before my mind
[2929.0s] explodes.
[2931.0s] Are we still holding our mugs?
[2933.0s] I was just wondering that actually.
[2935.0s] Do we still have our travel mugs?
[2937.0s] But he said they dropped it.
[2939.0s] No, the whole time. Watching the zombies
[2941.0s] approach, just like taking a sip
[2943.0s] wondering are they going to run?
[2945.0s] I'm going to hand my travel mug over to Zed.
[2947.0s] And I actually just remember
[2949.0s] like you passed it to me and I remember that I actually had one
[2951.0s] in my left hand the whole time and I'm like whoa
[2953.0s] and I have two travel mugs and I
[2955.0s] take alternating sips from the two mugs.
[2957.0s] Thanks Moot.
[2959.0s] No problem.
[2961.0s] No problem at all.
[2963.0s] I guess we should
[2965.0s] take these people home.
[2967.0s] Oh they know the way home. We should probably go talk to the mayor baron.
[2969.0s] Oh yeah,
[2971.0s] you guys should probably get out of here.
[2973.0s] So that your souls don't
[2975.0s] get eaten.
[2977.0s] Wait, what? We think their souls are getting eaten?
[2979.0s] Oh shit.
[2981.0s] You said horrible screaming. I can only assume
[2983.0s] that's a scream someone makes when
[2985.0s] they get turned into
[2987.0s] a zombie
[2989.0s] but then they're just a shell
[2991.0s] of a person
[2993.0s] walking around the town.
[2995.0s] Hold on, new idea. Is everybody
[2997.0s] in the town a zombie and I just didn't notice?
[2999.0s] Are you a zombie? Am I
[3001.0s] a zombie? Oh gosh, somebody
[3003.0s] pinched me. I pinch you.
[3005.0s] Well I don't think zombies can ask the question
[3007.0s] am I a zombie? Okay, well I felt that pinch.
[3009.0s] Oh,
[3011.0s] zombies don't have self awa- Okay, I'm getting off track.
[3013.0s] We should go see the mayor baron.
[3015.0s] Okay, you two all right?
[3017.0s] I think there's a lot of talk of zombies
[3019.0s] and bird
[3021.0s] people and ghosts
[3025.0s] I don't know.
[3027.0s] Sully hands his
[3029.0s] probably like
[3031.0s] two thirds empty
[3033.0s] go mug
[3035.0s] to them and is like
[3037.0s] this might help, I'll get you started
[3039.0s] anyway and ushers him out the door.
[3041.0s] Okay, thank you
[3043.0s] Zed and Zee and
[3045.0s] you, you two.
[3047.0s] They
[3049.0s] hazily walk off
[3053.0s] back around the castle.
[3055.0s] Okay, let's go get
[3057.0s] the baron and then Sully does
[3059.0s] like the hand and fist.
[3061.0s] Real aggressive.
[3063.0s] Where are you going to get the
[3065.0s] baron? Back into the castle.
[3067.0s] He jumped through the portal thing though.
[3069.0s] Doesn't he have to still run the
[3071.0s] city? Yeah, won't he be there tomorrow morning?
[3073.0s] That's what I assumed.
[3075.0s] I mean if he is that's very impressive, but I got the feeling
[3077.0s] he was bailing completely.
[3079.0s] That makes more sense.
[3083.0s] So you go sit out in Baron
[3085.0s] Mayor Baron's office
[3087.0s] and you wait there until the next day
[3089.0s] and nobody shows up. Well, that's
[3091.0s] not true.
[3093.0s] Mag shows up the next morning
[3095.0s] and looks in the door.
[3097.0s] What are you four doing here?
[3099.0s] Hey, Maggie.
[3101.0s] Maggie, I found this note
[3103.0s] on the Mayor Baron's desk that
[3105.0s] said if he disappears
[3107.0s] he wants Z and Zed
[3109.0s] to be the new mayor.
[3111.0s] Wait, what?
[3113.0s] Let me see.
[3115.0s] Let me see.
[3117.0s] Moot, did you happen to have me write this by
[3119.0s] any chance?
[3121.0s] Somebody who wrote it make a deception
[3123.0s] check. Yes, we definitely
[3125.0s] had Sully write it. Well, because
[3127.0s] I have a forgery kit.
[3129.0s] Okay, so you get
[3131.0s] advantage. I was questioning
[3133.0s] whether Moot could actually read or write.
[3135.0s] He can.
[3137.0s] Well, that's an 18
[3139.0s] plus, what was it?
[3141.0s] Deception. Deception.
[3143.0s] 22 or a
[3145.0s] 23.
[3147.0s] I'd say go for the 23.
[3149.0s] Really pulling it out at the end here.
[3151.0s] She looks at it and
[3153.0s] raises one eyebrow over the note
[3155.0s] and says, well,
[3157.0s] the seal of approval
[3159.0s] is here.
[3161.0s] I guess if he doesn't show up by noon.
[3163.0s] Unorthodox
[3165.0s] for sure, but definitely on the
[3167.0s] up and up. Alright, well, I mean
[3169.0s] they were a write-in ballot, so
[3171.0s] this is still
[3173.0s] legit.
[3175.0s] And Mayor Baron doesn't show up by
[3177.0s] noon and quickly
[3179.0s] put into office
[3181.0s] Zed and Zed.
[3183.0s] We fade out on their
[3185.0s] processional arrangement. They've got
[3187.0s] sashes. Oh, yeah.
[3189.0s] Huge lavish
[3191.0s] sashes. Do you have your axes
[3193.0s] like, stapled to the sashes so it's just
[3195.0s] like a sash of axes as well? Yes.
[3197.0s] Oh, they're like in like loops. Yeah, exactly.
[3199.0s] They're in like loops. Kind of a little bit like
[3201.0s] Chewie's sash, but with axes.
[3203.0s] Sure, the bandolier, yeah.
[3205.0s] And as you're riding in the
[3207.0s] back of Moot and
[3209.0s] Sully's carriage with Rolf pulling you
[3211.0s] through the streets, everyone has
[3213.0s] come out, but something you notice
[3215.0s] is that although everyone is out,
[3217.0s] two-thirds of the town is missing.
[3247.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, Season 2,
[3249.0s] Episode 77,
[3251.0s] a homesick feeling,
[3253.0s] yet I was starring Amy More
[3255.0s] as Sullivan Slyke, Tom Laird
[3257.0s] as Moot, and me, Russ More,
[3259.0s] as your Dungeon Master.
[3261.0s] We had special guests Tracy Gibbons as Zed
[3263.0s] and B Zelda as Zee.
[3265.0s] You can find them both and look for them
[3267.0s] in the description below.
[3269.0s] Thanks for watching.
[3277.0s] You can listen to them on the BroadSwords.
[3279.0s] You can find that at thebroadswords.com.
[3281.0s] Editing, production, and
[3283.0s] sound design was by me, Russ More.
[3285.0s] This episode featured music from Epidemic
[3287.0s] Sound and sound effects from Epidemic
[3289.0s] Sound and BoomLibrary.com.
[3291.0s] Want to send out a huge thank you to
[3293.0s] our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch,
[3295.0s] Jessica Babyok, Mark Heartless,
[3297.0s] Stevie, CatWaterflame, Jacob Madden,
[3299.0s] Christian Brown, Devin Michaels,
[3301.0s] Aaron Stevens, and Ray Sirbeck.
[3303.0s] If you're able to and wish to support
[3305.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions
[3307.0s] and get access to an exclusive podcast,
[3309.0s] bonus episodes, and a whole lot more,
[3311.0s] please join our Patreon
[3313.0s] at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[3315.0s] Just want to say thank you so much
[3317.0s] for listening. You have a great week
[3319.0s] and we're going to talk again real soon.
[3321.0s] Russ right now is thinking of a recipe
[3323.0s] he could put in the air fryer.
[3325.0s] Covered chips in all-dressed chicken.
[3327.0s] Honestly, 100% cut.
[3329.0s] Egg wash to get it to stick.
[3331.0s] Isn't it just
[3333.0s] a savory panko?
[3335.0s] Dinner tomorrow night, baby.
[3337.0s] I got all-dressed chips.
[3339.0s] Here we go.
[3341.0s] Should never not have all-dressed chips.
[3343.0s] Oh, I can't with the all-dressed chip.
[3345.0s] Is it vinegary?
[3347.0s] Is it ketchup?
[3349.0s] It's all of those.
[3351.0s] It's like a Dr. Pepper.
[3353.0s] There's 23 flavors.
[3355.0s] You can't pick out just the one.
[3357.0s] Oh, no, I love Dr. Pepper.
[3359.0s] See, I don't like Dr. Pepper,
[3361.0s] but I will live and die for all-dressed chips.
[3363.0s] Outnumbered. Finally, finally!
[3365.0s] I'm not Canadian enough.
[3367.0s] No.
[3369.0s] Dang.
[3371.0s] This is where Russ can't read his writing.
[3373.0s] We run into this problem a lot.
[3375.0s] And sometimes he's like,
[3377.0s] don't look at my book, and I'm like,
[3379.0s] as if I could read it.
[3381.0s] No worries.
[3383.0s] Whoa.
[3385.0s] Can you change my mind with a really good perception rule?
[3387.0s] Maybe.
[3389.0s] Not likely. Let's see.
[3391.0s] Hope he's like, change my mind.
[3393.0s] Sure can't. Just roll this.
[3395.0s] Make me believe.
[3397.0s] Where is it? It's there somewhere.
[3399.0s] It's a one.
[3401.0s] I saw a seven.
[3403.0s] It wasn't a seven.
[3405.0s] It was, in fact, a one.
[3407.0s] All gardens look the same covered in vomit.
[3409.0s] That's the saying, right?
[3411.0s] I'm pretty sure.
[3413.0s] You got it.
[3415.0s] It's deep.
[3417.0s] I can't remember his real name now.
[3419.0s] Baron von Mare.
[3421.0s] Jasek.
[3423.0s] Mare Baron.
[3425.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.