[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.0s] Okay, so you're looking for more of a general opposite? You're looking for like a god of something not good?
[35.0s] No.
[35.5s] Like a god of pain?
[36.0s] No.
[36.5s] Like a god of war?
[38.0s] No, I'm not. I think I'm just not looking for a god at all.
[41.0s] Do you find yourself constantly in search of the answers to see?
[47.0s] Looking deeper into unknown?
[51.0s] Like how I don't know how to use this staff?
[54.0s] That could be.
[56.0s] Ezgeth, wait, wait, wait. I think I saw something in there.
[60.0s] Saviors missing, realms tearing apart. Seek your start in Hardcastle.
[69.0s] He folds up the book, props it in his lap, and then moves it over to your lap.
[74.0s] I think this is better served with you.
[76.0s] Well, I guess I've got to talk to my friends first, but we'll probably head to Hardcastle now that we know where we need to go next.
[83.0s] So hopefully I'll see you again before I go, but if I don't, thanks. Thanks for everything.
[89.0s] Thank you. Be safe. As the book says, take care of yourself and your friends.
[114.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Russ More. He, him. Also with me today is Amy More.
[122.0s] Yeah, she, her, and I play Sullivan Sleight, a lightfoot halfling rogue. He, him.
[128.0s] And Tom Laird.
[130.0s] Yeah, he, him, and I play Moot. He is a wild magic half-orc sorcerer, and he also goes by he, him.
[138.0s] And joining us today, we have two very special guests from the podcast, The Broad Swords.
[144.0s] First up, B Zelda.
[147.0s] Can we cheer for ourselves? I'm cheering for myself.
[149.0s] Hello, my name is B, my pronouns are they, them, and I'm joining you today playing Zee, the half-orc pAlydin.
[157.0s] And Tracy Gibbons.
[159.0s] Hey, I'm Tracy, she, her, and today I'm going to be playing Zed, the half-orc barbarian.
[166.0s] I love it. I love it already. One name we were missing off the top here, Carla's not joining us tonight.
[172.0s] She's got some things going on. She's got Baja Maniacs.
[176.0s] She's doing some Zumba right now.
[178.0s] She's doing some Zumba. It's all good. But we have extra special guests to join us, and it's going to be a blast, is what it's going to be.
[186.0s] Where it's always a blast is over on Patreon. Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[191.0s] Where when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, ALexander.
[196.0s] ALexander. Thanks, ALexander. Thank you. Thanks, ALexander. Thanks, ALexander.
[200.0s] See? Thanks for joining in.
[202.0s] And now, fuck it, let's play. All that niceness and now we're just getting to it.
[207.0s] Thanks, thanks, thanks. Fuck it. Fuck it.
[211.0s] Game face. Go time.
[213.0s] Moot and Sully, you find yourselves in the back of your caravan with Rolf leading the way.
[219.0s] Son's Glim.
[221.0s] You left her back in Geranthamar for a brief period of time.
[225.0s] She said she'd catch up after she helped set up a new Baja Maniacs gym that they just couldn't live without.
[231.0s] This was okay, though, because she thought that you could get at least the start on this next part of your destiny.
[237.0s] We find the two of you chatting about what you might find in Hardcastle.
[241.0s] In Hardcastle. What a fun sounding location. Hopefully no shenanigans get to happen in there.
[246.0s] I bet most of the buildings are built very sturdily and with like stone and stuff. Definitely no tents.
[254.0s] Yeah, with a name like Hardcastle, you'd think that it's made of hard material.
[258.0s] Oh, for sure. And definitely a castle.
[261.0s] 100% a castle. Why would it be in the name if it wasn't a castle?
[264.0s] Oh, did I show you? And Sully brings out his Staff of the Adder.
[270.0s] Oh, yeah. I thought you were maybe getting rid of that?
[275.0s] Well, you know what? I gave it to him, but instead I got him to do a little justification.
[282.0s] And now it's Sully sized.
[286.0s] Well, I mean, that's pretty cool. How did that even work?
[290.0s] I think he just chops him off the bottom, but he assured me it's still going to work.
[294.0s] Oh, okay. I mean, that sounds pretty cool. So what does it do, anyway?
[298.0s] Well, so what I decided, because I went and I saw some different people, because apparently
[305.0s] I got to like learn stuff about how to use it and stuff and be like trained and whatever.
[312.0s] Oh, yeah. That is a downside to having those magical items.
[316.0s] Yeah, but I was thinking like maybe it's time, right? Maybe I need like a big boom kind of thing.
[322.0s] So anyway, I went and I saw this warlock who was just super creepy.
[328.0s] And then I also saw this cleric and he was also creepy, but just slightly less creepy and slightly less kind of like dark.
[341.0s] So I decided to maybe to go with him and learn some stuff about how to use it.
[348.0s] This stick turns into a snake.
[351.0s] Whoa, really? Now, is it going to be a smaller snake because of the chopping part of it off?
[356.0s] Well, it's like the head of it. So I don't think that it will be smaller because the head is still the same size.
[363.0s] And the guy at Zed Mart said that nothing would change.
[367.0s] Well, I mean, that's awesome. And good choice not going with the super creepy guy. That's always a win.
[373.0s] Yeah, it just felt wrong. And I mean, I didn't even try to with the druid.
[378.0s] They were in the forest and you know how I feel about going into the forest alone.
[382.0s] So you seem to be very anti forest.
[385.0s] Well, you know, as a general rule, I like a forest.
[390.0s] The trees. But yeah, no, no, no, no, not all by myself.
[395.0s] Oh, and you gave me all these books to read and stuff.
[398.0s] You might be interested in some of this. You could help me study.
[401.0s] You could be my study buddy. Book club. Oh, for sure.
[404.0s] And when Glim gets here, I'm sure she's going to be so proud of me because I mean, clerics are like buddies with pAlydins.
[413.0s] I'm sure there's some sort of overlap. I don't know.
[416.0s] Let's read one of those books and see if we can figure it out.
[420.0s] We transition to the once bustling tent city of Hardcastle,
[426.0s] a place where merchants and caravans could be seen doing business and trading,
[431.0s] resting their animals before choosing their next path along the trade route between Torsh, Delzimmer or Gerard-Thamar.
[439.0s] Now it all sits pretty much empty before the large main city walls.
[446.0s] Flyers and election paraphernalia can be seen tossing about on the gentle breeze as we make our way through this not crowd.
[457.0s] We stop at two city guards standing watch at the entrance of this walled city of Hardcastle.
[466.0s] So Zed, we're having some good weather here, yeah?
[471.0s] You see Zed, they're picking between their teeth with the tip of their javelin.
[476.0s] Yeah, yeah. Good day. Good, exciting day.
[483.0s] Isn't that how the dentist told you you got gingivitis from cleaning your teeth with your javelin?
[487.0s] I thought that gingivitis was a good thing.
[490.0s] I'm still working that one out, you know?
[492.0s] Like it's got like, vitus! Doesn't that sound like, like vital, like exciting?
[496.0s] Gingivitis is exciting!
[499.0s] Okay, so we want gingivitis.
[501.0s] Yeah, yeah, so-
[502.0s] Can I borrow your, can I pick my teeth with that?
[505.0s] Um, I kind of want to keep my javelin. You can use this, though, and I pass one of my hand axes.
[511.0s] Oh, I don't have any, I don't need your axe. I have a couple extra axes for you, you know?
[516.0s] Oh, thanks, you know how much I love to keep my axes, you know, have to have at least four axes on you at a time.
[522.0s] Mm-hmm, I got two just in case you lose two, and then I also have two shields for myself.
[526.0s] Yeah, just in case you lose a shield, right?
[528.0s] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, very important business.
[530.0s] We are so prepared for anything that happens to this city, really. Anything. We are the best guards.
[536.0s] Nothing gets by us.
[538.0s] In the city.
[539.0s] Mm-hmm.
[540.0s] A, Z, Z!
[542.0s] Uh-oh, is that a boss?
[544.0s] Uh, and I want to, like, my shirt is very untucked, and I'm going to kind of half tuck half of my shirt in, but it just actually kind of rumbles.
[551.0s] It makes it look worse, and I'm going to turn around to whoever is calling.
[555.0s] Coming around the corner with a swift and stern pace towards you is the Chief of the Guard, as you know him, Chief Benson,
[564.0s] and he's walking with determination up towards you, and he stops a couple feet from you and says,
[570.0s] Look, Z, I know we saw you up on the things. You're messing around here with things, picking your teeth.
[575.0s] We need to make sure that you're on guard and you don't let anything or anyone by, okay?
[579.0s] Captain, we are on top of it, Captain! Yes, Captain, and I want to salute the Captain, not sarcastically.
[586.0s] We need to be extra cautious. The Baron, he needs to know that nobody's going to sneak by, okay?
[592.0s] We're sorry. We'll do better.
[594.0s] Wait, what are you sorry for?
[597.0s] Uh, you're reprimanding us. We've got to be sorry about it.
[601.0s] I need to work on my tone. I was just telling you, we need to be extra cautious.
[606.0s] Okay, I'm sorry.
[607.0s] Okay.
[608.0s] Thanks for your time.
[609.0s] You're welcome. I'm going to go to the guard tower now. Don't let anyone, no one.
[616.0s] Yes, sir.
[617.0s] And he slowly backs away. Why are they sorry?
[623.0s] Off in the distance and coming over the hill, we see a carriage being pulled by a donkey with two passengers.
[629.0s] I can't believe she got roped in to stay in there for so long.
[634.0s] I mean, and they just kind of jumped her in that Zedmott parking lot, you know?
[639.0s] And it's just like, really, is now the appropriate time?
[643.0s] I mean, jumped is, it's a bit of a maybe overstatement.
[649.0s] Like she does get that appearance fee, so that's pretty good.
[652.0s] But then she turns around and just donates it to charity.
[654.0s] So like really, she's doing good things, but it just sometimes it takes up some of her time.
[659.0s] Yeah, it's just, you know, when you got a destiny, I say you just kind of, you know,
[664.0s] grab it and run with your destiny over your head, probably in a zigzag line.
[671.0s] Okay, yeah, yeah.
[672.0s] You carry the destiny over your head so you don't drop it.
[675.0s] Perfect. Got it.
[676.0s] Yeah, I'm just going to write that down real quick.
[677.0s] Well, and keep it away from others.
[679.0s] Like that time you didn't want me to have that juice and you just held it up over your head
[684.0s] and it was a real asshole move.
[686.0s] Well, that's because you're so short.
[688.0s] That's all that was.
[690.0s] Rolf, did you hear that?
[692.0s] Because donkeys are just short horses.
[698.0s] We've never had a donkey appearance.
[700.0s] I love it.
[701.0s] What's the donkey's name?
[702.0s] Rolf.
[703.0s] Thank you.
[704.0s] You're welcome.
[705.0s] As you crest over this hill and you see the city of Hardcastle, the large, tall walls,
[710.0s] there's guard towers spaced every so often, it looks like, it was described to you that
[719.0s] it had a major tent city, but there's a lot of torn down tents, but nothing really
[724.0s] happening out front there as you come down this hill and approach and you see two guards
[730.0s] up at the main gate where this pathway leads up before it splits off to the other two cities.
[734.0s] Hey, Mo, this doesn't look very intense.
[737.0s] And Sully like looks at him.
[740.0s] Mo doesn't get it.
[742.0s] It just goes right over his head.
[744.0s] Write it down.
[745.0s] This is gold.
[747.0s] In tents.
[748.0s] Got it.
[749.0s] Get it?
[750.0s] Because it's a tent city.
[751.0s] It's intense.
[753.0s] Okay.
[754.0s] You know what?
[755.0s] If Glim was here, she would have got it right away and would have been laughing.
[759.0s] She would have been laughing her head off.
[761.0s] This is the place we're supposed to go though, right?
[763.0s] Like the Hard Castle?
[765.0s] Considering it's filled with such soft types of abodes, I think it is improperly named.
[772.0s] Well, maybe we could we could ask these these two guards from the looks of it.
[777.0s] Hello, guards.
[779.0s] Huh?
[780.0s] What?
[782.0s] Pulls things out of my mouth that I was picking with.
[784.0s] Yeah.
[785.0s] I was half asleep.
[788.0s] Oh, sorry to rouse you from your afternoon nap.
[794.0s] Thanks.
[796.0s] I wasn't napping.
[797.0s] I was guarding.
[798.0s] I was napping.
[800.0s] What are you guarding?
[803.0s] The city.
[804.0s] Yeah, this here.
[805.0s] And they gesture behind them.
[808.0s] I look behind them and I'm like, you guys have gotten that?
[816.0s] I think so.
[817.0s] This needs to be protected.
[819.0s] Are we Z?
[820.0s] What is?
[821.0s] Oh, I think so.
[822.0s] Well, I'm just wondering because it just it looks a little I like I don't.
[825.0s] So do you live here?
[827.0s] Yeah.
[828.0s] Yeah.
[829.0s] When we're done work, we got like a little hovel that we go live in.
[831.0s] It's technically a tent.
[833.0s] But there's this really great tavern tent across the street.
[837.0s] So it's it's good real estate.
[840.0s] What's all about location?
[841.0s] As long as you don't mind some dirt in your beer.
[842.0s] Mm hmm.
[843.0s] Yeah.
[844.0s] All about location.
[845.0s] If you're really drunk, you just stumble across the street and you're in bed.
[848.0s] You fall right into your own home.
[850.0s] That sounds pretty perfect.
[852.0s] It's nice.
[853.0s] Sometimes Z falls asleep on top of the tent and I'm in the tent.
[857.0s] And then I wake up with like a pain in my neck.
[859.0s] But oh, no, it's not that bad.
[861.0s] Yeah, that only happens like twice a week.
[862.0s] It's not a big deal.
[864.0s] How many people?
[865.0s] Because I don't see many, many people live in here.
[868.0s] Like, where are the people?
[870.0s] And I'm like craning to see around them.
[872.0s] You see people walking through the city beyond the walls.
[874.0s] So there are there are people living like within the walled city.
[878.0s] But the tent city is quite empty.
[881.0s] Now I'm confused.
[883.0s] Is it tent city guards walled city?
[887.0s] Tent city.
[888.0s] He's got a diagram.
[889.0s] Walls.
[890.0s] Oh, I want to see the diagram.
[892.0s] Right.
[895.0s] Okay.
[896.0s] So tent cities out here pathways and stuff.
[899.0s] You're at the gate here.
[901.0s] And then this is the city inside.
[904.0s] There's a castle back here.
[906.0s] I don't know why we sleep in tents then.
[908.0s] Yeah, I know.
[909.0s] Maybe you sleep outside the city because real estate inside the city is just ridiculously priced.
[915.0s] Can't afford it, you know?
[916.0s] Yeah.
[917.0s] You know how it is.
[918.0s] Those city dwellers have it real good.
[920.0s] Well, I mean, gods too.
[921.0s] I mean, they don't they don't pay you all enough.
[924.0s] We tried to unionize once.
[926.0s] What happened, Zed?
[928.0s] We forgot to go to the union meetings.
[931.0s] Yeah.
[932.0s] Yeah.
[933.0s] We were the ones doing the unionizing.
[934.0s] So it just kind of fell to the waste side.
[936.0s] Yeah.
[937.0s] Yeah.
[938.0s] And they pay us minimum wage.
[939.0s] You know, it's, you know, seven coffers an hour.
[944.0s] Enough for a tent and a beer.
[946.0s] Really?
[947.0s] Yeah.
[948.0s] Tent and beer.
[949.0s] Those are our necessities, you know?
[950.0s] Sometimes some water.
[951.0s] But like, I just go walk to a fountain.
[953.0s] Well, yeah, fair enough.
[956.0s] So we're supposed to like come in here or we maybe we're just going through.
[961.0s] Moot, are we coming in here?
[963.0s] Are we just going through here?
[965.0s] You know what?
[966.0s] When Glen was shouting it over top of all the people cheering, I just stopped listening.
[971.0s] Yeah, she's really tall, but sometimes not the best with the shouting.
[976.0s] But I think we're supposed to go in.
[979.0s] Are we meeting somebody in here?
[981.0s] Oh, that's a good question.
[983.0s] And Moot like flips through his notes.
[985.0s] Are we are we headed somewhere?
[987.0s] I think we're supposed to try to put a stop to some trouble.
[992.0s] The maybe the do you guys know if there's any trouble?
[996.0s] Oh, and what are your names?
[998.0s] So sorry.
[999.0s] I'm Sullivan Slate.
[1001.0s] And I'm Moot.
[1002.0s] Nice to meet you.
[1003.0s] Nice to meet you, too.
[1004.0s] I'm Zed.
[1006.0s] Well, which one am I again?
[1007.0s] You're Zed.
[1008.0s] I'm Zed.
[1009.0s] Right.
[1010.0s] I think we discussed the beginning being the other way around.
[1013.0s] But you know what?
[1014.0s] This is working for me.
[1015.0s] I just forget my own name sometimes.
[1017.0s] I look at your face.
[1018.0s] It's like looking at my face.
[1019.0s] Yeah.
[1020.0s] Yeah.
[1021.0s] This is what happens when you're twins who share very similar names.
[1024.0s] Oh, you're twins.
[1025.0s] That's very exciting.
[1027.0s] Couldn't you tell?
[1028.0s] Well, absolutely.
[1030.0s] You know, our tusks are very similar.
[1032.0s] I've been told that we have our mother's eyes.
[1035.0s] Yeah, I know that I'm a lot dirtier, but there's we're similar underneath the
[1039.0s] layer of dirt.
[1041.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1043.0s] That's probably just hydrating, too.
[1045.0s] It's just keeping it all in.
[1046.0s] Yeah.
[1047.0s] Mud masks.
[1048.0s] They have very smooth skin, too.
[1050.0s] Well, you know what?
[1051.0s] I used to be a muddest.
[1053.0s] So I used to go to what you've heard a nudist, right?
[1059.0s] Oh, sure.
[1060.0s] Yeah.
[1061.0s] So I was a person who would like sell high end quality mud to nudists so
[1068.0s] that they could mud themselves from head to toe.
[1071.0s] It was quite a lucrative business.
[1072.0s] But would they be the muddest and you would just be the seller of mud?
[1076.0s] Do you put the mud on them?
[1077.0s] Yeah, I did the occasional application.
[1079.0s] I did.
[1080.0s] I did.
[1081.0s] Okay.
[1082.0s] Oh, wow.
[1083.0s] We should look into that kind of job.
[1084.0s] That sounds like it pays better than this.
[1085.0s] Yeah.
[1086.0s] And also, like, if I get to hang out with mud, that's up my alley.
[1090.0s] Yeah.
[1091.0s] Yeah.
[1092.0s] So anyways, you're asking about trouble.
[1094.0s] I mean, I don't know about trouble.
[1096.0s] We got a new mayor recently.
[1100.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1101.0s] They nice?
[1102.0s] Baron Jacek.
[1103.0s] Yeah.
[1104.0s] Yeah.
[1105.0s] He's a pretty chill dude.
[1108.0s] You know, he's like a shaken hands with babies kind of guy.
[1112.0s] But I'm not sure he knows the difference between us yet.
[1116.0s] He thinks that we're both said and I don't think he's ever seen us both in the same
[1119.0s] place at once.
[1120.0s] Yeah.
[1121.0s] But sometimes that's how we do half shifts.
[1123.0s] You know, it's like we pretend to be each other, but don't.
[1126.0s] Really smart.
[1127.0s] Really smart to do that.
[1128.0s] Don't tell the Baron.
[1130.0s] Yeah, please don't.
[1132.0s] Hmm.
[1133.0s] Secret safe with us.
[1134.0s] Wait, hold on.
[1135.0s] Are you doing those half shifts when you're both working together?
[1138.0s] Yeah.
[1139.0s] Yeah.
[1140.0s] So you just switch spots, though, but you still work your whole shift.
[1145.0s] No, no, no.
[1147.0s] It makes sense.
[1148.0s] Oh, no.
[1149.0s] Well, yeah.
[1150.0s] In a time conservation kind of way.
[1153.0s] I get it.
[1156.0s] Yeah.
[1157.0s] No.
[1158.0s] Mm hmm.
[1159.0s] Anyway, so no trouble from the mayor.
[1161.0s] Is it like trouble in the streets?
[1163.0s] You guys like, you know, maybe breaking up some brawls or some some some mafia
[1169.0s] dudes, some underground unsavory business.
[1173.0s] Maybe there's a fight club.
[1174.0s] Is there a fight club here?
[1176.0s] You don't talk about that.
[1177.0s] We don't talk about that.
[1178.0s] But sometimes at night I hear like, you know, for on guard duty, I hear like
[1183.0s] screaming in the night.
[1184.0s] But I don't know.
[1185.0s] I thought that that could just be the fight club.
[1187.0s] I mean, sorry, not the fight club, but not not the fight club.
[1190.0s] OK.
[1191.0s] Mm hmm.
[1192.0s] Huh.
[1193.0s] So screaming chill mayor named Baron Baron Jasek.
[1199.0s] Yeah.
[1200.0s] OK.
[1201.0s] You think you'd be a Baron.
[1202.0s] Well, you got to you got to work your way up to Baron.
[1204.0s] You start with mayor and then you get up to Baron.
[1207.0s] What if his first name is actually Baron?
[1211.0s] Well, then my theory is right out the window.
[1213.0s] Well, I thought his first name was Baron.
[1216.0s] And so I thought I thought maybe the obvious job choice would be to be a
[1223.0s] bar. You know what?
[1224.0s] We're we're getting off track here.
[1226.0s] OK. Well, maybe we should go talk to this Baron person and see if we
[1230.0s] could help. It's just it's sounding like I'm talking about a lady who
[1233.0s] can't have babies.
[1234.0s] Can I talk to Mayor Baron?
[1238.0s] Please.
[1239.0s] See, why don't we I'm going to like turn and whisper to my twin side panel.
[1244.0s] Hold on.
[1245.0s] Do we let them in?
[1246.0s] They seem pretty chill.
[1248.0s] OK.
[1249.0s] I I spent a lot of time working on my apology to our boss.
[1252.0s] I don't want to let him down again.
[1254.0s] Oh, shit.
[1255.0s] I forgot about that.
[1256.0s] You're right.
[1257.0s] Yeah.
[1258.0s] We're not supposed to let people in.
[1259.0s] OK.
[1260.0s] But you have to be the one to tell them no, then.
[1262.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1263.0s] Yeah.
[1264.0s] I got a God that I prayed to.
[1265.0s] They tell me no all the time.
[1266.0s] So I'm pretty good about hearing no.
[1268.0s] So therefore, I think I'm good at saying no.
[1270.0s] OK.
[1271.0s] Yeah, you got this.
[1272.0s] OK.
[1273.0s] OK.
[1274.0s] All right.
[1275.0s] We turn around.
[1276.0s] Hmm.
[1277.0s] Hmm.
[1278.0s] No.
[1279.0s] I mean, I'm sorry.
[1281.0s] No.
[1282.0s] No, we cannot see Mayor Baron.
[1286.0s] Oh, no.
[1287.0s] I'm sure you could see the Baron.
[1288.0s] I just can't let you in.
[1290.0s] How am I?
[1291.0s] How?
[1292.0s] Suddenly looks at Moot.
[1293.0s] Well, if if we if you can't let us in, how can we see the Mayor Baron?
[1298.0s] A carrier pigeon?
[1301.0s] Yeah.
[1302.0s] Yeah.
[1303.0s] Even though if you write a letter, I could deliver it.
[1305.0s] I walk really slow because I wear a lot of chainmail and plate mail and all that
[1308.0s] stuff.
[1309.0s] But like, Zed's got pretty fast feet.
[1311.0s] Yeah.
[1312.0s] I mean, I'm really weighed down by all my axes, but I I'm a little bit faster
[1315.0s] than Zed.
[1316.0s] I was going to ask, what is with all the axes?
[1319.0s] So many.
[1320.0s] The multiple shields.
[1321.0s] There's a lot going on here.
[1322.0s] It's impressive.
[1323.0s] I got to say.
[1325.0s] Hard castle guards.
[1326.0s] We got to be.
[1328.0s] Hard.
[1330.0s] Yeah, you look hard.
[1333.0s] That wouldn't hurt to say.
[1336.0s] Tracy, you keep it together.
[1340.0s] I've had to say our motto in a long time, you know?
[1343.0s] OK.
[1344.0s] Oh, maybe.
[1345.0s] OK.
[1346.0s] I get it.
[1347.0s] You you are just doing your jobs, right?
[1350.0s] Totally.
[1351.0s] And I commend you for that.
[1352.0s] You're doing it.
[1353.0s] Don't you think they're doing a fantastic job?
[1355.0s] Doing a great job.
[1356.0s] Oh, thanks.
[1357.0s] I'm real impressed.
[1358.0s] You know, it's been a while since we've heard that.
[1360.0s] You know, people just don't appreciate guards like they used to.
[1364.0s] Right.
[1365.0s] So, OK, maybe maybe we did not explain the reason for us being here very well.
[1373.0s] We actually have a destiny to save the world.
[1378.0s] Whoa.
[1379.0s] The world.
[1380.0s] Like all of like all of it.
[1382.0s] Like the whole thing.
[1383.0s] Like Hardcastle and then the rest of it.
[1385.0s] And then other places, too.
[1387.0s] Wait, there's more than just this.
[1389.0s] Oh, yes.
[1392.0s] Oh, yes.
[1393.0s] I'm going to sit down for a second.
[1394.0s] Z, we need another sidebar.
[1396.0s] OK.
[1397.0s] Z, listen, I know what Chief Benson said, but what if they are actually going to
[1406.0s] save everybody and we say no, we could get even bigger trouble?
[1412.0s] Oh, yeah, I'll have to prepare another apology.
[1416.0s] Yeah, I don't want to have to apologize again.
[1419.0s] What if we just what if we let them in?
[1422.0s] What if we let them in and go with them?
[1426.0s] That way, we can make sure they don't get up to any trouble.
[1433.0s] Only if we leave Sandy the shield behind to kind of hold the guard space.
[1440.0s] We can't just abandon our post, you know.
[1442.0s] No, I'll leave Axel leaving the axe behind.
[1444.0s] That's my third.
[1446.0s] Sorry.
[1448.0s] Did you say Axelina?
[1451.0s] Yeah.
[1452.0s] Yeah.
[1453.0s] All right.
[1454.0s] I just want to make sure I heard you clearly.
[1455.0s] It's a good name.
[1456.0s] It's my third favorite axe, so I could do without it.
[1461.0s] OK, OK, let's turn back around.
[1464.0s] We've we've decided.
[1467.0s] Yes.
[1469.0s] We're going to come with you to see the Baron.
[1473.0s] And I'm going to place my axe down where I stand.
[1477.0s] I guess I'll put my shield down, except that it's very distinct that the shield has a smiley face that has been carved out with like a dagger.
[1484.0s] They'll never know you're gone.
[1485.0s] I didn't think so.
[1486.0s] Wow.
[1487.0s] We are good at this.
[1488.0s] You guys, you all protected this place so well.
[1491.0s] No one's going to come and try anything because they know you'll be here.
[1494.0s] They know better than to show up and try this.
[1498.0s] I know I'm not the GM, but will somebody give me a persuasion roll?
[1501.0s] I want to know how much like how much does Z really, really believe?
[1508.0s] I can roll persuasion.
[1511.0s] Not well.
[1513.0s] Yes, well, yes, well.
[1515.0s] No, I rolled another three, Tom.
[1518.0s] I mean, seven.
[1521.0s] I mean, it's just what I roll.
[1523.0s] I'll give it a go.
[1524.0s] I'll try to channel my inner glim.
[1526.0s] She's always the one who talks about this destiny.
[1529.0s] So.
[1531.0s] All right.
[1532.0s] It's a 14 and I have a five bonus.
[1534.0s] So 19.
[1535.0s] Oh, there you go.
[1536.0s] That's so much better.
[1537.0s] See, I only half believe in the Destinies.
[1540.0s] Wow.
[1541.0s] No, I'm really I really want to help you with your destiny.
[1543.0s] My God talks to me about destiny all the time.
[1545.0s] How they say I've never actually fulfilled it.
[1547.0s] So I think this would be really good.
[1549.0s] Which which is is your God?
[1551.0s] Never actually remember to take one.
[1553.0s] So we're just going to keep talking about them as if they're a God.
[1555.0s] Oh, oh, OK.
[1556.0s] Yep.
[1557.0s] It's it's God.
[1558.0s] Your God is God.
[1559.0s] It's lowercase G.
[1560.0s] Yeah.
[1561.0s] Perfect.
[1562.0s] I love it.
[1563.0s] Having Christian Bible school flashbacks.
[1567.0s] So you got you.
[1569.0s] Do you want to hop in the wagon?
[1572.0s] Because Rolf can just roll us on in there.
[1574.0s] You can give us directions.
[1575.0s] Yeah, I'm so tired.
[1578.0s] Well, it's hard work standing here.
[1580.0s] It is.
[1581.0s] It's hot outside.
[1582.0s] Are you just saying that because we're sweating?
[1584.0s] Oh, no, I'm just who is hot.
[1587.0s] OK, because I'm always sweaty.
[1589.0s] So.
[1590.0s] Oh, well, that may be a glandular thing.
[1591.0s] Oh, yeah.
[1592.0s] You should maybe have someone look at that for you.
[1594.0s] Whoa.
[1595.0s] Z and Z climb in the back of the the carriage there.
[1599.0s] You head off into the city and the path that you're immediately taken by is passing the guard tower.
[1611.0s] With confidence.
[1613.0s] As you pass by the open window, Z and Z, you catch sight of your chief,
[1620.0s] Chief Benson, who's sitting at his desk, looks like he's writing notes and then looks up just as you like pass the wall and double takes.
[1630.0s] But then the camera hangs on him and he shakes his head like that.
[1635.0s] That couldn't be that.
[1637.0s] That just no.
[1638.0s] And he puts his head back down to write his notes.
[1642.0s] They couldn't.
[1643.0s] They couldn't have gotten in the back of somebody's carriage and let them in the city and given them direct.
[1649.0s] No, not Z and Z.
[1653.0s] You keep going through and you you lead Moot and Sully.
[1657.0s] The city is there are some tents.
[1660.0s] There aren't as many tents as one might believe, but some people live in tents.
[1664.0s] There are lots of buildings at the people you pass.
[1669.0s] Few of them like wave smile.
[1673.0s] Others almost seem like they're like funneling out of your way.
[1678.0s] Like they're not really paying attention, but like just they can sense that you're coming and they just veer out of the direction of the carriage.
[1686.0s] And don't really say or acknowledge your presence.
[1690.0s] That's weird because I'm aiming for the crowds.
[1694.0s] Disappointing.
[1695.0s] Well, you got like a real dichotomy of friendly folks and folks who just mind their own fucking business.
[1702.0s] Yeah, it's pretty much everybody.
[1704.0s] You'd be surprised at how many people said and I walk into on a regular basis.
[1708.0s] Well, it looks like nobody's walking into us here.
[1712.0s] So has this changed since the new mayor took over or was it always like this?
[1717.0s] Oh, no, things were a lot less.
[1720.0s] I walked into a lot less people before this mayor got in here.
[1723.0s] And now that ever since the Baron, what's the Baron's name again?
[1727.0s] JSEC.
[1729.0s] JSEC.
[1731.0s] Yeah, that's the one.
[1733.0s] Yeah, I feel like he's kind of inspired me to walk into more people or have them walk into me.
[1739.0s] I'm still working this one out, you know.
[1741.0s] As long as he's inspiring.
[1742.0s] Yeah, but like I feel like people used to be happier, which is weird because the old mayor kind of sucked.
[1752.0s] But now people are like kind of quieter.
[1759.0s] I don't know.
[1760.0s] You say quiet, but then there's also the wailing and screaming at night.
[1763.0s] Yeah, it's quieter during the day and then louder with the screams at night.
[1768.0s] It keeps you up.
[1769.0s] That's why we got to drink so much.
[1771.0s] Can we talk a little more about the screaming and wailing at night?
[1776.0s] Is there a reason for it?
[1778.0s] Is there ghosts?
[1780.0s] What's happening here?
[1781.0s] People screams or like animal screams.
[1783.0s] I know when cats are doing it, you hear them like miles away.
[1788.0s] They're so loud.
[1789.0s] It's like we get it and don't rub it in.
[1792.0s] Well, listen, when we're stuck on guard duty at night, there's not a lot to do.
[1797.0s] And we've been trying to figure out where they are.
[1800.0s] We just we can't take guesses.
[1803.0s] Yeah, I thought Zed was really close with the guess of an elephant stepping on a mouse.
[1806.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[1808.0s] And said, what was my best guess?
[1811.0s] I think your best guess was probably a man becoming a ghost.
[1818.0s] Yeah, I hear that transformation stuff.
[1821.0s] Yeah, yeah, but not we don't know for sure.
[1826.0s] Maybe Mare Baron.
[1827.0s] And now I'm not sure.
[1828.0s] Is he a mare or a Baron?
[1830.0s] Is his name Baron?
[1833.0s] Lot to unpack.
[1834.0s] Can I just call him Barry?
[1836.0s] Because I think I might do that anyway.
[1838.0s] I think you could call him Maren.
[1840.0s] Oh, I like that.
[1842.0s] I do like a good portmanteau.
[1845.0s] You've made it up to the secondary guard gate to the castle.
[1850.0s] And there is one guard standing there who you know as what do you know this guard as Zed and Z?
[1857.0s] Honestly, they're probably just X.
[1860.0s] Is it EX or just the letter X?
[1862.0s] I wrote down EX.
[1865.0s] Well, right.
[1866.0s] I mean, if I were to take notes, that's how I would have spelled it.
[1871.0s] And X hops out and stands in front of the carriage, slowing Rolf.
[1878.0s] Zed, what's going on here?
[1881.0s] X, hey.
[1883.0s] Good weather we're having.
[1884.0s] Yeah, hey.
[1885.0s] Well, I mean, you're supposed to be on guard duty up at the front there, aren't you?
[1888.0s] I mean, your shift's not over yet.
[1889.0s] And why you bring it?
[1891.0s] There was explicit instructions not to let anybody through.
[1896.0s] You see Baron's mustache ruffle?
[1899.0s] That really sounds scary.
[1901.0s] But they said that they're here to save the world.
[1903.0s] Why?
[1904.0s] We can't stop them when they're going to save the world.
[1906.0s] It's destiny.
[1908.0s] Did they prove that they're going to?
[1910.0s] Excuse me, folks.
[1913.0s] What proof of world saving did you give to Zed and Z here to allow you into the walled gates of Hard Castle?
[1924.0s] I mean, they were very convincing.
[1925.0s] Yeah, I just, I looked into their eyes and I just knew.
[1929.0s] Also, they didn't know there were other places.
[1933.0s] There's a whole world out there.
[1934.0s] Yeah, that was a pretty big one.
[1936.0s] Yeah, that blew my mind.
[1938.0s] Yeah, if you notice the license plate on the back of my carriage here.
[1944.0s] Let me get out and check.
[1946.0s] It says Neverwinter.
[1949.0s] Whoa.
[1951.0s] That's not just a made up place.
[1953.0s] No, it's a real place.
[1954.0s] No, I was totally in prison there once.
[1957.0s] Wow.
[1958.0s] You let fugitives in?
[1960.0s] He's going around.
[1961.0s] He's writing down the license plate number.
[1963.0s] What does the license plate number say?
[1965.0s] F-U.
[1968.0s] Yes.
[1970.0s] It's a vanity plate.
[1972.0s] Yeah, you're damn right it is.
[1974.0s] I've got your plates.
[1975.0s] You let in criminals?
[1976.0s] I said I was in prison.
[1978.0s] I did not say I was a criminal.
[1979.0s] What about a misunderstanding than a criminal thing?
[1984.0s] Make a persuasion roll.
[1985.0s] Damn it, again?
[1986.0s] I'm going to roll a different dice.
[1988.0s] Well, Moot's helping you.
[1990.0s] Well, thank God.
[1991.0s] Yeah, yeah, suck on that.
[1994.0s] 22.
[1995.0s] Oh, that's much better than mine.
[1996.0s] That's very exciting for me when I roll over a three.
[2001.0s] Look, you got the plates.
[2003.0s] You've convinced Zed and Zee.
[2005.0s] I mean, nobody gets past Zed and Zee twice.
[2008.0s] What's your business here then?
[2010.0s] Well, we're not here to start any trouble.
[2012.0s] But we heard there was already some trouble here.
[2016.0s] So we're here to stop it.
[2018.0s] Zed, Zee, have you seen any trouble?
[2020.0s] Or heard.
[2022.0s] Or maybe heard.
[2023.0s] Like today?
[2024.0s] No, like the screaming at night.
[2027.0s] Well, I'm not really sure that's trouble.
[2029.0s] That's just, you know, the night screams.
[2031.0s] Yeah.
[2032.0s] The Heart Castle, famous for the night screams.
[2036.0s] You're never going to wink asleep.
[2038.0s] You know, some people have the night sweats.
[2040.0s] They're night terrors.
[2041.0s] But these are just night screams.
[2043.0s] OK, OK, I'm just going to lay a little something down,
[2047.0s] is that we've been in so many different cities.
[2050.0s] And night screams are not a normal thing.
[2054.0s] Oh.
[2055.0s] They do sound panicked.
[2057.0s] Oh, they sound terrified.
[2059.0s] Yeah.
[2060.0s] You know, like a man changing into a ghost.
[2063.0s] Oh.
[2064.0s] Like an elephant stepping on a mouse.
[2066.0s] Oh, I didn't think of it either of those ways before.
[2069.0s] Now that you say it, the tone is correct.
[2072.0s] Yeah, it's not at all like a woo-hoo kind of scream, is it?
[2076.0s] X, what did you think it was?
[2079.0s] Well, I thought it was just, you know,
[2082.0s] the Smiths doing the business.
[2086.0s] Taxes can be very difficult and frustrating.
[2089.0s] They, I, they're screamers is what they are.
[2093.0s] And you mean, I live right next door to them
[2095.0s] and the walls shake sometimes.
[2097.0s] So you know specifically who's screaming?
[2099.0s] I don't know.
[2100.0s] It's different screaming.
[2101.0s] It's been evolving.
[2102.0s] I thought they was just trying something new.
[2104.0s] There's only so many taxes they can do.
[2106.0s] Well, I mean, there's, there's the T4
[2109.0s] and then there's the TA29.
[2113.0s] Line 2206.
[2114.0s] Don't forget about that one.
[2115.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[2116.0s] And line 206 is super important too.
[2118.0s] Wait, are you accountants too?
[2120.0s] I know how to count.
[2122.0s] Good.
[2124.0s] So is, is Mayor Barron home?
[2127.0s] Uh, the mayor.
[2130.0s] I still am not sure about his first name.
[2133.0s] Oh, oh yeah.
[2134.0s] Well, it's, it is their title is Barron.
[2140.0s] I thought it was mayor.
[2141.0s] Well, they replaced the former mayor,
[2144.0s] but then have been trying to reinstitute Barron
[2148.0s] as the new title.
[2150.0s] And that's where Marron came about.
[2151.0s] I think it really melds the two together.
[2153.0s] It's a brand new title.
[2154.0s] These travelers know what's up.
[2155.0s] That poor manteau is 10 out of 10.
[2157.0s] Jeez.
[2158.0s] Okay.
[2159.0s] So Barron Jasek.
[2162.0s] Zenzi have been spread.
[2164.0s] It's been hard to convince them that mayor is not their title
[2168.0s] and that Barron is not their first name.
[2171.0s] When somebody replaces a mayor,
[2173.0s] they just naturally become a mayor.
[2175.0s] Sometimes when people take office,
[2177.0s] they try and change all the rules.
[2180.0s] Yeah.
[2181.0s] I don't know.
[2182.0s] That means it doesn't sound familiar.
[2184.0s] I've never encountered this.
[2186.0s] No, no.
[2188.0s] Anyways, Barron Jasek.
[2190.0s] Yeah.
[2191.0s] I mean, I think they're here.
[2192.0s] They haven't seen them.
[2193.0s] I haven't seen them leave.
[2194.0s] This is the only way out.
[2195.0s] So I assume.
[2197.0s] Oh, one more really important question.
[2199.0s] Uh, may seem a little silly.
[2201.0s] Um, uh, Barron Jasek.
[2205.0s] He's not a bear.
[2207.0s] Right?
[2208.0s] No.
[2209.0s] Okay.
[2210.0s] Just, you know, I just want to know what I'm walking into.
[2212.0s] Well, we could have told you he wasn't a bear.
[2214.0s] I saw a person turn into a bear once.
[2216.0s] Whoa.
[2217.0s] What?
[2218.0s] Yeah.
[2219.0s] I was walking through the woods
[2221.0s] and then there was this person there
[2223.0s] and then I turned back and then there was a bear.
[2225.0s] And I thought, well, maybe it was a bear all along.
[2227.0s] There's some strange things in the woods.
[2229.0s] Okay. Great story.
[2230.0s] X is a great storyteller.
[2232.0s] So we're just going to go through
[2236.0s] and meet not a bear, Barron, not a mare.
[2240.0s] Jasek?
[2241.0s] Yeah, Barron Jasek.
[2242.0s] He could probably shorten that up a little bit.
[2245.0s] Right?
[2246.0s] Zed and Zee, you're going to go with them,
[2248.0s] make sure they get to the right place?
[2249.0s] Yep.
[2250.0s] Oh, yeah.
[2251.0s] We're on it.
[2252.0s] We're going to make sure no trouble happens.
[2253.0s] We're doing our guardly duties.
[2254.0s] Did Chief take your post?
[2256.0s] Like, who's watching the front gates?
[2258.0s] Sandy and, uh...
[2260.0s] Yep.
[2261.0s] We got it.
[2262.0s] Listen, we really should get going.
[2263.0s] We don't want to make Barron wait.
[2264.0s] Sandy?
[2265.0s] Yeah!
[2266.0s] Steps aside as Rolf casually moves off.
[2271.0s] Yeah, he doesn't go very fast.
[2273.0s] He does not respond well to the hias.
[2275.0s] I think he rolled his eyes at me.
[2278.0s] You pull up to the front entrance of the castle,
[2281.0s] that hard castle.
[2282.0s] It's not a huge castle.
[2284.0s] It's more like a large house
[2286.0s] that's been kind of designed in the vein of a castle.
[2290.0s] Well, welcome.
[2292.0s] Welcome.
[2293.0s] So, whereabouts in the castle are we going?
[2295.0s] Yeah, you ever been in here?
[2297.0s] Oh, yeah.
[2298.0s] I think I was getting in trouble one time
[2300.0s] and I had to go visit the mayor, Barron.
[2304.0s] Yeah, I was trying to find the pub one time.
[2306.0s] The old mayor or the new mayor that isn't a mayor?
[2311.0s] Both.
[2312.0s] Yeah.
[2313.0s] It's the middle.
[2327.0s] Got kind of sad.
[2328.0s] Yeah, a little pensive or something at the end there.
[2330.0s] You okay, buddy?
[2331.0s] We're here to say...
[2336.0s] Papa?
[2337.0s] We'd like you to listen to the broadswords today.
[2347.0s] That was very nice.
[2348.0s] That was beautiful.
[2350.0s] It was a little sad of tone.
[2352.0s] It's like in a minor key or something.
[2354.0s] Yeah, this is going with the diminished on that one,
[2356.0s] which, you know, sometimes just evokes that feel
[2358.0s] even though you say happy words.
[2360.0s] I'm now trying to think of the tune of that song
[2362.0s] because it's something.
[2364.0s] Yeah, it started off like something
[2365.0s] and then I couldn't find what that something was,
[2367.0s] so I just kept going with it.
[2368.0s] Just made something new.
[2369.0s] Perfect.
[2370.0s] That's how all the greats do it, Russ.
[2371.0s] That's right.
[2372.0s] They start with a Tom Petty.
[2373.0s] They start with something familiar.
[2374.0s] And then change it a little bit.
[2376.0s] Just whatever kind of flows out
[2378.0s] talking about the broadswords.
[2380.0s] That's right.
[2381.0s] Hey, B and Tracy are here
[2382.0s] and they're not melancholy.
[2384.0s] They're delightful.
[2385.0s] So much fun.
[2386.0s] Oh, so much fun.
[2388.0s] Well, not all of us.
[2389.0s] Sorry, Carla.
[2390.0s] But most of us had a chance to play with them.
[2392.0s] I'll get the fun of listening like everyone else.
[2397.0s] Like a listener.
[2398.0s] Exactly.
[2399.0s] Perfect.
[2400.0s] We've revealed very little
[2401.0s] because very little happened,
[2402.0s] but so much happened at the same time.
[2404.0s] I feel like, Carla, when you just said that,
[2406.0s] it was kind of like,
[2407.0s] I'll slum it with everyone else out there.
[2409.0s] Right?
[2410.0s] Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
[2411.0s] Just like having to listen.
[2412.0s] I didn't mean it like that.
[2413.0s] No, I didn't mean it like that.
[2414.0s] I mean, it's more fun to get it as like,
[2416.0s] I mean, to be honest,
[2418.0s] I like listening to podcasts more.
[2420.0s] No, that's not.
[2421.0s] That's not what I mean.
[2422.0s] Tell us what you really mean.
[2424.0s] It's more exciting when you hear something
[2427.0s] for the first time as to not having participated in it.
[2430.0s] Yeah.
[2431.0s] Especially when you know all the participants
[2434.0s] and you're like,
[2435.0s] I wonder what these knuckleheads are going to get up to.
[2437.0s] We got up to stuff.
[2439.0s] We got up to stuff, Carla.
[2441.0s] I can only imagine because I know you three.
[2445.0s] What?
[2446.0s] And I know those two.
[2447.0s] So.
[2448.0s] So it was completely straight laced
[2450.0s] and everything was on the rails.
[2451.0s] You got it?
[2452.0s] Yeah, I'm sure.
[2453.0s] Definitely.
[2454.0s] No shenanigans.
[2455.0s] What we're trying to say is,
[2456.0s] Bea and Tracy are amazing.
[2457.0s] The entire group of the broadswords are amazing.
[2459.0s] Victoria and Kristin as well.
[2461.0s] So go listen to them.
[2462.0s] We'll link all their stuff down in the description,
[2465.0s] but you can just find them by searching for the broadswords
[2467.0s] and you should start from the beginning
[2469.0s] and go to the end
[2471.0s] and enjoy them and tell them we sent you.
[2475.0s] Perfect.
[2476.0s] Okay?
[2477.0s] Yeah, do that.
[2478.0s] Yeah.
[2479.0s] So we'll get back and see what's what in Hardcastle.
[2482.0s] That's where we are, right?
[2483.0s] Yep.
[2484.0s] That's the one.
[2485.0s] All right.
[2486.0s] We're going.
[2487.0s] Onward.
[2488.0s] Bye.
[2489.0s] Yeah, no.
[2490.0s] One time I was trying to find the tavern
[2491.0s] and accidentally end up in here.
[2492.0s] So.
[2493.0s] This would be a pretty fancy tavern.
[2495.0s] That's what I thought, too.
[2496.0s] You didn't barf anywhere, did you?
[2498.0s] I hear people don't like it when you barf in the house.
[2501.0s] Soda's very, very polite about that
[2503.0s] and they will only barf in shoes.
[2505.0s] Or gardens.
[2506.0s] Mm-hmm.
[2507.0s] Mm-hmm.
[2508.0s] Yeah.
[2509.0s] We have class.
[2510.0s] Anyways, let us walk you into Hardcastle Castle.
[2513.0s] Okay.
[2514.0s] You head up the steps and into the door
[2516.0s] and it opens with a loud creak.
[2519.0s] And inside there are a couple hallways in Z and Z,
[2524.0s] assuming that they know where they're going.
[2526.0s] It leads you down the right hallway,
[2528.0s] which takes you down past a few sets of doors,
[2531.0s] all of which are closed,
[2533.0s] to a small waiting room
[2535.0s] where there is a desk with an older woman,
[2538.0s] very tight curls.
[2540.0s] She looks up and says,
[2543.0s] Z, there's no appointments today.
[2547.0s] Oh, you know we don't know how to make appointments.
[2550.0s] Well, how about you two?
[2552.0s] Did you make an appointment?
[2554.0s] Well, perhaps we could have one for right now.
[2558.0s] I seem to have misplaced it if you did.
[2561.0s] Oh, you know what?
[2562.0s] That's okay.
[2563.0s] You called ahead a couple days ago
[2565.0s] and made an appointment, I'm sure of it.
[2567.0s] You called ahead, hey?
[2568.0s] Oh, yes.
[2569.0s] Oh, well, I must not have checked my messages.
[2572.0s] Well, you know, a lot of voicemails
[2574.0s] these days go un-listened to, so.
[2576.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[2577.0s] Okay, well, just remind me your name?
[2582.0s] Z?
[2583.0s] Moot, and that there is Sully,
[2586.0s] and we're here about the trouble.
[2588.0s] And I'm Zed and that's Z.
[2591.0s] I know you Zed and Z.
[2594.0s] Oh, we were doing a roll call.
[2595.0s] We wanted to fit in.
[2596.0s] I changed your diapers, remember?
[2599.0s] I was too small to remember.
[2601.0s] You just keep telling me that, you know?
[2602.0s] Fair, fair.
[2604.0s] So tall boy and short boy.
[2609.0s] What was your business, Sully?
[2611.0s] Changing diapers?
[2613.0s] No, we're here about the trouble.
[2615.0s] The trouble.
[2616.0s] It starts with T.
[2618.0s] Yeah, trouble.
[2621.0s] Is that a person?
[2623.0s] No, it's a problem you have with your town.
[2627.0s] Oh, is there a problem with the town?
[2629.0s] Oh, yes, so is we here.
[2633.0s] Snake oil salesman.
[2636.0s] All right, well, have a seat,
[2638.0s] and when the Baron is free from their appointments,
[2643.0s] I'll let you, I'll send you in.
[2646.0s] I thought you said there were no appointments today.
[2649.0s] That she did move. Good listening.
[2651.0s] See, I've just checked my book
[2653.0s] and there is an appointment right now.
[2655.0s] That's our appointment.
[2657.0s] I'm sorry.
[2658.0s] Yeah, that's the one you just wrote down.
[2659.0s] What is your name?
[2661.0s] Maggie.
[2664.0s] Maggie.
[2665.0s] Can I call you Mags?
[2668.0s] Only if you're nasty.
[2674.0s] You changed our diapers, come on now.
[2683.0s] Okay, all right.
[2685.0s] Well, I do happen to be kind of nasty.
[2688.0s] All right.
[2693.0s] So, Mag.
[2696.0s] Maggie.
[2697.0s] Magdalen baby.
[2699.0s] Perhaps you could let us see the Baron
[2704.0s] and we can make sure that you enjoy
[2708.0s] the rest of your life here in safety
[2711.0s] and without night screaming.
[2713.0s] Is that a threat?
[2715.0s] No, I'm hitting on you.
[2716.0s] A threat towards the night scream, yes.
[2719.0s] Okay, all right, sugar.
[2722.0s] You have a seat.
[2724.0s] I'm so uncomfortable.
[2726.0s] Good.
[2727.0s] Reston, I should never flirt.
[2728.0s] We don't do it in real life.
[2729.0s] We're not good at it now.
[2732.0s] Have a seat and I'll tell the Baron
[2734.0s] that you're here for the trouble.
[2738.0s] No.
[2739.0s] Okay, to solve the trouble.
[2741.0s] Yes, to solve the trouble.
[2742.0s] No, we're not here for trouble.
[2744.0s] To take care of the trouble.
[2745.0s] Okay.
[2748.0s] She stands up.
[2749.0s] We walk back and I'm like, I think we nailed it.
[2752.0s] I turn to Zed and I say, you know her.
[2756.0s] Did that go well for us?
[2758.0s] Oh yeah, Maggie didn't try to throw papers or pens at you.
[2761.0s] You see this scar?
[2763.0s] She once tried to stab my eye out.
[2765.0s] Whoa, she's got some face to her.
[2767.0s] Yeah, does a really good job at receptioning though.
[2770.0s] Well yeah, she does not want to let us in
[2773.0s] and that's what you want in a good receptionist, right?
[2775.0s] You just want to field these bullshit calls.
[2778.0s] But we really are here to help.
[2780.0s] We know.
[2781.0s] Hear that Maggie?
[2782.0s] I believe you.
[2783.0s] We believe you.
[2784.0s] Fully.
[2785.0s] She comes back out and closes the door
[2788.0s] and says, the Baron will see you in just a minute.
[2792.0s] He's just on...
[2794.0s] A call.
[2795.0s] A call.
[2798.0s] This rundown town's got like the first phones in Faerun.
[2803.0s] They've got a real strong broadband connection.
[2806.0s] It's amazing.
[2807.0s] We don't know how it works.
[2809.0s] Magic.
[2810.0s] You wait for a moment and then she says,
[2813.0s] Well, that's probably good.
[2815.0s] And she goes and opens the door for you.
[2818.0s] And inside...
[2819.0s] Is she putting pants on?
[2822.0s] Anytime I call for someone,
[2824.0s] just wait a sec, give me a minute.
[2826.0s] I'm putting on pants.
[2827.0s] It's fair.
[2828.0s] The door opens into a...
[2830.0s] Compared to the rooms and general feel you've got
[2834.0s] from the town thus far,
[2836.0s] it is a very dark room.
[2837.0s] All the curtains are drawn
[2839.0s] and there's a yellow-orange...
[2842.0s] Like burning a yellow-orange light from the sconces
[2845.0s] along the walls.
[2847.0s] There's a deep brown mahogany wooden desk
[2852.0s] at the end of this long room.
[2854.0s] And there are four chairs
[2857.0s] sat in front of the desk.
[2860.0s] And behind the desk you see a half-elf man.
[2863.0s] He's wearing dark robes like browns
[2867.0s] and golds and purples.
[2869.0s] He's got long, slicked-back, golden blonde hair.
[2874.0s] And he sees you come in
[2877.0s] and he ushers you forward and says,
[2879.0s] Friends, please come in.
[2881.0s] Have a seat.
[2882.0s] Zed Z?
[2884.0s] Yes, excellent that you've escorted
[2886.0s] these wonderful folks our way.
[2888.0s] Please come have a seat as well.
[2891.0s] Might I compliment your mustache today?
[2894.0s] Oh, thank you.
[2895.0s] Thank you. I've been trying to grow it in.
[2898.0s] Yes, it's a little patchy,
[2900.0s] but it's getting there, is it not?
[2902.0s] There's like the remnants of one,
[2905.0s] and I see the work that you're putting in there.
[2907.0s] It's the architecture that you have to build up.
[2910.0s] Build up, and then it builds upon.
[2913.0s] You've been researching your mustaches.
[2915.0s] Really, the work that you put into it,
[2917.0s] it really shows.
[2918.0s] Oh, yes, of course, thank you, thank you.
[2920.0s] Yes, well, business has been slower lately,
[2923.0s] so we have to fill our days with something,
[2925.0s] am I right?
[2926.0s] We work all the time.
[2927.0s] Of course, of course,
[2928.0s] keeping us all safe and protected.
[2931.0s] No trouble happening here with Zed and Zee at the gate.
[2936.0s] Never any trouble.
[2937.0s] We're on duty right now.
[2939.0s] Yep, watching the gate.
[2942.0s] Right now?
[2944.0s] Mm-hmm.
[2945.0s] You two are...
[2947.0s] You got somebody to watch it for you, right?
[2949.0s] Oh, yeah.
[2950.0s] Sandi and Axelina?
[2952.0s] Yep, Sandi and Axelina.
[2954.0s] Oh, of course, of course.
[2955.0s] Yeah, Sandi, Axelina, yeah.
[2958.0s] I know them.
[2960.0s] Now, friends, what has brought you here to this fine city?
[2965.0s] Please, Mags tells me that trouble?
[2971.0s] There might be trouble.
[2973.0s] You're bringing trouble?
[2976.0s] No, no, no.
[2977.0s] See, we're not bringing any trouble with us.
[2979.0s] We were told the trouble's already here,
[2982.0s] so we've come to put a stop to it.
[2984.0s] Oh.
[2985.0s] You know we have a destiny to save the world.
[2987.0s] Ah, I did not know.
[2990.0s] But that's very good for you.
[2992.0s] Now you do, friend.
[2993.0s] Yes, I'm going to write that down.
[2994.0s] Destiny to save the world.
[2998.0s] Can I have perception?
[2999.0s] What does he actually write?
[3001.0s] I will roll this.
[3002.0s] Yeah, roll it.
[3006.0s] My perception, is it good?
[3009.0s] No, it's not.
[3011.0s] Six?
[3013.0s] He's scrolling something quickly and then kind of covers it up.
[3016.0s] The first word you pick up, though, is wax, question mark?
[3021.0s] Okay, okay.
[3022.0s] So destiny to save the world.
[3024.0s] You've made it past my two best guards,
[3027.0s] and you're here to stop the trouble.
[3029.0s] Well, I mean, I look around.
[3030.0s] I see no trouble.
[3031.0s] We just had a wonderful election where we had the highest turnout ever.
[3035.0s] Who was the unfortunate opponent to go up against you?
[3040.0s] Well, it was the mayoral incumbent, Frego Cordwell.
[3044.0s] He's been here for 40 years.
[3046.0s] It's time for him to go.
[3047.0s] Oh, absolutely.
[3049.0s] I believe a change of power frequently is oftentimes a good thing.
[3055.0s] Get some new ideas in here.
[3057.0s] Get some new mustaches.
[3059.0s] You're speaking my language.
[3062.0s] Well, from one nasty boy to another, you know.
[3064.0s] Sorry, I don't believe your name are Tall Boy and Short Boy.
[3067.0s] What are your real names?
[3069.0s] I'm Sullivan Sleight.
[3070.0s] Of course.
[3071.0s] And I'm Moot.
[3072.0s] Tall Boy over there.
[3073.0s] Okay, Tall Boy, Moot, Short Boy, Sullivan Sleight.
[3076.0s] I'm Zed, and that's Z.
[3079.0s] Yes, Zed.
[3080.0s] Yes, Z.
[3081.0s] You're doing a great job.
[3083.0s] We really appreciate you around here,
[3087.0s] working so hard to get anybody in here.
[3092.0s] Oh, you're welcome.
[3094.0s] Well, you know what?
[3096.0s] Zed and Z were telling us that things do work real good here for the most part,
[3103.0s] but then they mentioned some night screams.
[3108.0s] Terrifying.
[3111.0s] Some wailing in the evenings.
[3113.0s] It's probably the night hunters.
[3115.0s] Now, what are those?
[3119.0s] Well, it's the best time to hunt some nocturnal animals is at night.
[3125.0s] So we send out our hunters to go hunt them.
[3128.0s] So that's probably the screams that you're hearing.
[3131.0s] Well, it sounded like they mentioned the screams were coming from inside the town.
[3137.0s] I mean, the Smiths sometimes, when they're doing taxes,
[3139.0s] they can get kind of loud, but it's been going on for a long time too.
[3143.0s] Tax season is over.
[3144.0s] I'll have to talk to them about that.
[3146.0s] Inside the city, you say?
[3148.0s] Well, I mean, sound bounces all over the place.
[3154.0s] Could have echoed off and come down to the guard tower.
[3159.0s] Well, I have a question.
[3160.0s] What animals make those kinds of screams?
[3164.0s] Have you heard the night screaming owls?
[3169.0s] I have, and I also know they happen to be an endangered species
[3172.0s] that you're not supposed to be hunting.
[3174.0s] That's why we don't hunt them, but we protect those ones.
[3177.0s] How about the elusive nocturnal Bisley grair?
[3184.0s] Sounds big.
[3186.0s] Bisley grair?
[3187.0s] You sir, I believe, are making up a fake animal.
[3191.0s] What can I roll to call him out on his bullshit?
[3194.0s] Roll insight.
[3195.0s] I will call out bullshit roll.
[3197.0s] I would like to roll call bullshit.
[3199.0s] It's only a 10.
[3201.0s] No, it's an 11.
[3202.0s] No, it's a 12.
[3203.0s] Let's see if I can add.
[3205.0s] Just keep going up by one.
[3207.0s] No, it's 27.
[3208.0s] Okay.
[3209.0s] Well, in comparison, he rolled deception at Nat 20.
[3212.0s] I can try and roll an insight.
[3213.0s] I don't think I can compare.
[3214.0s] Tell me more about this Bisley grair.
[3217.0s] Well, the Bisley grair, you roll if you want.
[3220.0s] Anybody?
[3221.0s] I just want to hear all about it.
[3223.0s] I'm not going to beat a Nat 20.
[3225.0s] They're from around these parts, and they scream.
[3231.0s] So that's probably what you hear.
[3234.0s] Size and shape.
[3236.0s] What kind of characteristics are we looking at for this Bisley grair?
[3239.0s] Shortish, tallish, brownish, blondish, sometimes gray, long, short teeth, claws that go on for days.
[3250.0s] Let me tell you.
[3252.0s] Hmm.
[3253.0s] Hey, Mayor Barron.
[3255.0s] I know I'm at work, and I'm only supposed to ask work questions.
[3259.0s] Of course.
[3260.0s] But I've really been wondering, why have you never told the town that it was just
[3264.0s] hunting of those owls and or protecting and or killing the Bisley grears?
[3269.0s] Well, it's it.
[3270.0s] Look, running a city is very difficult business, as you know, Sadancy.
[3278.0s] How can I, how can I put it?
[3280.0s] I was protecting the sensibilities of the constituents.
[3289.0s] A simple explanation is often overlooked, pushed past.
[3296.0s] They read between the lines, but you four, you seem like you're on the ground floor.
[3300.0s] Maybe, maybe what we could do is get you on the streets and make sure that they know
[3307.0s] that this is what is happening.
[3309.0s] So you want us to go out and tell everybody that it's the Bisley grears making the screaming?
[3316.0s] Well, your words, not mine.
[3317.0s] No, I don't want to do that.
[3319.0s] But if it would be OK with you, if we could maybe just hang out at night and do a little sleuthing ourselves.
[3328.0s] Sure.
[3330.0s] Yeah.
[3331.0s] I feel like as guards, we're obligated to assist you on this quest.
[3337.0s] Oh, we would be honored to have you by our sides.
[3341.0s] You know, the city.
[3343.0s] That's going to be immensely helpful.
[3346.0s] Yeah.
[3347.0s] And offering the services outside of work hours probably means some overtime pay or something.
[3356.0s] Right, Baron?
[3358.0s] Right, Baron.
[3359.0s] Mm hmm.
[3360.0s] Overtime pay.
[3361.0s] Just to ensure the safety for one evening.
[3364.0s] For one evening.
[3365.0s] What are you going to find in one evening that I haven't already told you is exactly what I would say.
[3372.0s] So, yes.
[3373.0s] Yes, this is something that I will approve as new Baron tonight, escorted by Zed and Zee, who earn overtime,
[3386.0s] which seems fair.
[3388.0s] Sullivan's light and moot.
[3392.0s] I feel like you need more syllables.
[3395.0s] Sullivan's light.
[3396.0s] Well, there's like four names, but just moot's fine.
[3400.0s] I think one syllable is really where it's at.
[3402.0s] Yep.
[3403.0s] No, I was clapping it out.
[3405.0s] It just felt right.
[3407.0s] OK, we'll set you up.
[3409.0s] You can just rest until the evening.
[3412.0s] There's only a few hours.
[3413.0s] We'll get you some food.
[3414.0s] It'll be great.
[3415.0s] And then at night, you can come out and check things out.
[3420.0s] Seem fair?
[3422.0s] That sounds reasonable.
[3424.0s] Sounds totally great.
[3425.0s] It's something I would say.
[3426.0s] All right.
[3427.0s] Well, Zed and Zee, you go get them.
[3428.0s] You take them.
[3429.0s] Go get some food down at the tavern.
[3431.0s] Tell them it's on the Baron.
[3433.0s] The Baron's got the bill tonight.
[3435.0s] Are you sure about that?
[3436.0s] We can eat a lot of food.
[3438.0s] Will they believe us?
[3439.0s] Just, Justin, reasonable amounts.
[3443.0s] For who or what?
[3445.0s] I'll cover it.
[3447.0s] It's fine.
[3449.0s] Thanks, Mayor.
[3451.0s] Baron.
[3452.0s] Thanks, Mayor Baron.
[3454.0s] I really appreciate the work you do here.
[3456.0s] That mustache.
[3457.0s] Ten out of ten, my dude.
[3459.0s] Oh, OK.
[3460.0s] Yeah, thank you.
[3461.0s] You know what?
[3462.0s] I took a note here.
[3463.0s] I'm going to go try some.
[3465.0s] See if I can't make it more voluminous.
[3468.0s] Right?
[3469.0s] Try back home in it.
[3470.0s] Oh, I'm going to try that.
[3472.0s] I'm going to report back tomorrow when you report back with all the nothing you've seen.
[3475.0s] Well, that sounds really good.
[3476.0s] Yeah.
[3477.0s] OK, good.
[3478.0s] Captain.
[3479.0s] Baron.
[3480.0s] Captain Baron.
[3482.0s] Mayor.
[3483.0s] Captain Baron.
[3484.0s] Mayor.
[3508.0s] The song Long Road Ahead is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[3530.0s] All other music and sound effects can be found at epidemicsound.com or boomlibrary.com.
[3535.0s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers.
[3537.0s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Mark Hartless, Stevie, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian
[3542.0s] Brown, Darylith, Devin Michaels, Aaron Stevens, and Ray Serback.
[3546.0s] To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons & Dragons, visit us at Patreon.com
[3550.0s] slash dumb dragon cast, where you can have exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus
[3555.0s] audio content, create in-game NPCs and items, as well as play games with the cast.
[3561.0s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[3564.0s] Have a great week and we'll talk soon.
[3594.0s] Have a great week and we'll talk soon.
[3613.0s] you want to do one episode or two because now's the point when I kill off your character
[3618.0s] if uh I don't know I'm pretty I'm feeling pretty invested right now okay that's cool
[3624.0s] the ballad of zen continues yeah and I've had like a little too much caffeine today
[3629.0s] so there you go all right just ride it let it ride I will scratch off the note
[3633.0s] try and kill Tracy off before before the end of the episode also now that's
[3639.0s] gonna live I would like to add now I would like to say is something I would say after
[3645.0s] I say it yeah because you just left it there yeah you're like blah blah blah is
[3651.0s] something I would say you just said it just something I'm gonna add to my
[3656.0s] add to your vernacular yeah Dumbgeons & Dragons is a dumb dragons production