Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
These magic missiles strike this bird hard, as it's moving to swoop back towards Sully and knock it into this roof.
And as you look up and to this roof, you see a dwarven man coming up and over the other side of this peak of this roof.
I thought you were out to save the world. Why'd you have to bring it here?
They just wasn't us!
I don't think we brought this here. Also, that was amazing, both of you. Oh my goodness.
Well, it looked like you needed a little assistance.
Oh, I definitely do. And I sit down, because I'm very weak.
I broke my bow.
Charmy comes over to you and says, this one, this one's on the house.
Thanks, Charmy. You're the best.
I think we can help you. And he looks down at his blade. Maybe if you take this one.
Are you sure? I know you wanted the other one back. Maybe, maybe we'll find the other one and I can bring them both back.
If you find the other one, I'd love to see it. But there's no more traveling in my future.
This is for you. You all climb aboard the carriage and set off on the road to head towards Tymanther, which was where you were heading all along.
Gotta save the world.
I know I said I wouldn't ask, but are we almost there yet?
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I am your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
Put your hands up. It's me. And I play Sullivan's Light, a halfling, lightfoot rogue. No, lightfoot halfling rogue. Nailed it.
And Carla Maxted. That is me. I play Glim. I am a dragonborn pAlydin.
And Tom Laird. That's me. I play Moot. He is a half-orc, wild magic sorcerer.
And joining us today, we have a very special guest. We always love to have guests on.
And if you would find them from Discovery Debrief, Incomparable Podcast Network.
They're a voiceover artist. They're also Commander Stubby Stan in Elite Dangerous. Maybe we'll get some special stories.
It's Cicero Holmes. Welcome.
Well, thank you. That is me. And am I allowed to say who I'm playing?
Absolutely, you can.
Oh, cool. I am playing Dense, one of those bird things that I can't pronounce.
Erycocra?
Yeah, an Erycocra bard.
Well, it's lovely to have you. Thank you for playing Dense. Dense is a character one of our patrons put together.
That's awesome.
Josh Dixon. So thank you, Josh.
Thanks, Josh.
Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Josh. Yeah. So peek behind the curtain. Russ contacted me months ago about this.
And in this year, that feels like years ago.
And and said, hey, think about a character.
And then when he told me that you can pick a character or we've got our page, one of our patrons made a character for us.
You could play that one. I was like, oh, done.
So, Josh, I hope that I do you proud with your creation, Dense.
I'm certain that you will.
And if not, we'll hear about it. We'll pass it along.
That's one of the things you can do for us when you're a patron is give us NPCs and items.
All of that is available at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And you also get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, John Williams.
John Williams.
The famous composer.
Congratulations, guys.
He's been doing a score for us the whole time, Russ.
I did not know we were pulling such a big fish.
Now that I know that John Williams is a patron of ours because it was a random poll.
I'm going to be contacting you for all the sweet musics here, John.
Hopefully you're the right John Williams.
Either way, you're composing music for us.
Thank you.
Find out more at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, fuck it.
Let's play.
Oh, shit. All right.
It's like crap. We're doing this now.
Let's do this.
The road is long and has brought troubles and boons in equal fashion for Moot, Glim and Sully.
After having wearily left the town of Schill Oaks.
Where do we find Moot, Glim and Sully?
Moot, Glim and Sully.
The state of being, not necessarily the location, but how are you feeling about this?
Well, I don't know. Did I get a boon or not?
Well, you lived through the experience in Schill Oaks, so.
So not.
So not. I don't know.
I think Sullivan's Light's a little sketched out.
I think every crack in the forest as they go down, he's like, oh, what's.
Yeah, you guys.
I'm fine.
Who's that?
I think Glim is unsurprisingly just peppy and optimistic.
Just looking forward.
We are on the way now.
She is walking towards the place or, I guess, wagoning towards the place.
Or she can start to fulfill her destiny to save the world with her dear friends.
So, yeah, I think I think Glim is just happy and peppy, probably jogging alongside the wagon.
Got to keep in shape if you're going to declare your oath, you know, into man.
Moot's a little trepidatious.
He's been doing a lot of magic related things and hasn't had a wild magic surge in a while.
So he's a little he's a little interested to see if that's going to happen sooner or later.
His hair is so fucking unkempt right now.
Every time he gets dressed, he's like, do my clothes fit?
Have I grown? Have I shrunk?
He's Harry Pottering it.
He's like trying to flatten his hair, but it's just not working.
Spending another 10 day on the road with wild haired moot.
You're traveling both by carriage and by boat.
Quick question.
Do we have pseudo Rolf with us?
You have Rolf.
Is that what we decided?
Or is this a clone of Rolf?
Or does it matter?
Or did we choose not to know?
Because do you want to know if you have the clone?
I think we chose not to know.
So we've got Rolf.
OK.
Right?
He came on the boat.
Yeah.
Rolf's with you.
You're riding aboard the carriage.
Rolf, for those who don't know, is a donkey.
He's our donkey.
There's a few questions.
If you would like to know more about Schill Oaks, join us on Patreon, Patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast.
Where there's a two part Halloween bonus episode coming your way.
And we'd love for you to hear it.
But you've been traveling aboard your carriage.
You've taken the boat across the open sea.
And you've made it to a small town along your travels called Simbar.
You're in a tavern.
You decided to take the night to rest.
And you've come across an interesting individual.
Well, hello.
Hello.
Well, it's really 40.
You'd come right up to our booth here and stuff.
Hello.
I mean, I see people, so I say hello to them.
Hi, guys.
My name is Dents.
How you doing?
Not too bad, Dents.
Why don't you pull up a stool and tell us your story?
Okay.
Well, I'm actually pretty good at telling stories because if you can't tell, I am
a bard extraordinaire.
You certainly have the voice for a good bard.
Well, don't you know it?
But yeah, well, you know, I'm just traveling around.
And it's what I'd like to call a gig economy.
So, you know, I'm just trying to make a couple of coppers, maybe a silver, maybe
a couple of golds, if you know what I mean.
Dare to dream, my friends.
Dare to dream.
That's right.
If you dream high, you can soar higher than I do because I can fly, baby.
Oh, I see there.
You got some wings.
That's awesome.
As you're sitting down and discussing life on the road, maybe give Dents a little
description here as to what we see.
So Dents is, you know, one of those things that I can't say.
Eracocra.
Yes.
I'll just keep inserting it over time.
Eracocra.
And what's really unique about him is there are splashes of color.
It's there is like there's a red right in the middle and then there is blue on
either sides of the red in the middle of his head.
And then it's green, green on the outsides of the blue and then gold
right by his temples.
So it's like he's colored his hair in these rainbows.
But but but that's you know, it's just who he is.
But it gives, you know, brings a lot of attention to him.
But then if you look at the rest of him, he's got a black fur face or black
feathered face and then a very dark black breast.
But then on the outside, his wings are white.
And then, you know, then you go down to his legs and he's got regular gold
legs.
He probably would stand about six and a half feet tall if he were if he were
standing. But he's always kind of like crouched down almost like a chicken.
So when he's, you know, it's like in this perpetual crouch.
So he's probably about five foot eight.
I think we all know someone who could probably stand there straightest and
look a lot taller than they actually are.
I was so wondering, Amy was giving Russ such a look and I was like, what is
that face about?
Oh, it's because he's very tall and he doesn't stand up straight.
It's true.
I mean, can confirm.
Can confirm.
Because when he actually stands up straight, you're like, oh, you're
very tall.
You're actually a large man.
You can reach the tall shelves.
Yeah, that's right.
That's lovely.
Thank you for that.
Sullivan's light, I think looks sorry.
It's dense, right?
Not dunce.
No, not dunce.
It is dense.
Although everyone keeps saying that.
I don't understand why.
You know what?
I couldn't I couldn't even tell you.
But what I did want to tell you is that you're fucking beautiful.
Look at your colors.
Well, like if you're not getting jobs thrown at you left, right and center,
you need a better job job tier.
Oh, you mean like a manager?
Yes.
What I said, I don't I don't have one of those, but maybe I could use
one because a lot of times I think I do silver work, but I keep getting
the coppers.
So if if maybe if you find a manager and you can bring them to me,
I could start making more silvers.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Glimp.
This looks like a side quest.
Like I have no idea.
Should we help dense find a manager?
Do you think that will help us save the world eventually?
I am also taken in by his extreme physical beauty, which is very
shallow of me.
I know.
And well, I mean, it's one beautiful creature standing next to another
beautiful creature.
I mean, just look at us.
Just two very tall, one very shiny, one very colorful.
I mean, we really make quite a team.
And you guys should zoom together.
He can do the music.
You can do the proselytizing.
It'd be amazing.
Sully.
Wait a minute.
That is a genius genius idea.
Are you guys trying to save the world?
We're trying to save the world through entertainment so we can save
the world together and make money while we're doing it.
I do like making money, you guys.
Oh, yeah.
I love this.
What kind of entertaining do you do?
Well, you know, I'm a pretty good storyteller.
I can sit there and I always seem to when I tell a story, everyone starts
laughing.
So I must be pretty funny.
She's like, maybe like a comedian.
Look at Carla's face.
Carla, stop it.
I need a post-it note right there.
No, I'm sorry.
Could your internet be working less tonight?
Just turn off your video.
Yeah, sorry.
So you're like a comedian or something?
Well, I guess I'm a comedian.
I just talk and then people start laughing.
That sounds like what that is to me.
Pretty sure that's exactly what that is.
Oh, for sure.
Well, what if what if we like do it together?
Oh, well, so we become like a like a I think I've heard this term before.
It's called the a troop will go in and will take the whole tavern by storm.
I like it.
Well, I mean, I don't know if we have the same skills you have to perform
and entertain.
I mean, maybe my friends are very, very clever.
So so maybe I mean, really what we're doing, we're heading to
Samantha to help save the world.
It's just a step on a very long plan for saving the world.
So that's you know, we're just we're just here for the night.
How about you?
Sounds like you travel around a lot, too.
Well, I like I like Samantha.
I really do.
It reminds me of this old show that I used to watch when back in my own town.
It was called Who's the Boss?
They kept talking about going to Samantha, Samantha.
You know what?
I think I saw that one.
It traveled around and did a lot of the plays in the in the square and stuff.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it kind of it's kind of what inspired me.
So maybe I need to go to Samantha.
I think it might be a sign.
It might be a sign.
Yeah, I guess.
I think that settled moot.
Yeah, you bring a little little quiet there.
It's just there's a lot of things going on and I don't know anything about Samantha.
But I mean, if it's where we need to go and that's part of Glim's destiny, like let's let's go make it happen.
So wait a minute.
You don't have a destiny.
I'm not really sure what it is.
Like I haven't had a vision since I was young telling me I was going to save the world.
Oh, but Moot, you know, you two are part of my destiny.
So it's your destiny to we're all destined together to save the world.
We're like destiny's child.
The children of destiny.
Say, say her name, say her name.
Glim, can you handle this?
Is that a woman?
Amy, can you?
Oh, wait, Sully, can you handle this?
I don't think you're ready for this jello.
Well, if we if we're here for too long, we'll have lots of bills, bills, bills.
I was just waiting for it to see if there was one more.
Beyonce does not need our help.
All I kept thinking was Beyonce songs and I was like, no, no, no.
Damn it.
We're independent women.
Et cetera, et cetera.
I was going to say scrubs and I was like, wrong.
After a jovial night of ale, stories and many songs, the four of you hop aboard the next day.
The carriage heading back out on the road.
It would take the group another 10 day before reaching the outskirts of Dharad Thamar within the Timanthar region.
The road from Simbar was at times troublesome,
bringing all manners of difficult terrain and creatures looking for an easy meal.
We see Moot and Glim, leading Rolf, the group's trusted donkey, through a particularly rough patch of the adder swamp.
Sully and Dents riding in the wagon when one of the wheels of their carriage is wedged deep into the muck of the swamp.
Well, you guys seem like you might have a problem here.
I don't have any problems because I can keep going.
Well, it's super nice for you actually.
It's really appreciated that you got out of the wagon because you're really big and heavy.
But I can't step down because it's sticky.
You guys, it's so sticky.
It is really sticky.
Does anyone have vehicle proficiency?
I don't.
I looked at my character sheet.
Remember this?
I thought maybe secretly I've had vehicle proficiency this whole time and just didn't remember.
No.
Not the case.
It'd be under where it says proficiency.
I think we'd go with animal handling over vehicle.
Is just the wheel stuck, you said, or it's broken?
No, it's stuck in the muck.
Yuck.
So dense is flying above everyone after he squawked.
He is now flying above them.
And what they notice as he's flying is because he's such a big being, his flaps are creating wind.
And dense, even though he is dense, is not so dense that he doesn't realize that maybe the flapping of his wings will help push the mud away from the wheel to potentially get the cart unstuck.
So I, for dense, would like to cast warding wind.
Yes, please do.
To see if we can get this thing unstuck.
And now remind me of the range of warding wind and then how high is dense flying up.
So it is 10 feet above.
So dense is probably about eight feet above the carriage.
He's just kind of floating in the air.
So as D&D Beyond says, a strong wind, 20 miles per hour, blows around you in a 10 foot radius and moves with you, remaining centered on you.
The wind lasts for the spell's duration.
The wind has the following effects.
It deafens you and other creatures, extinguishes unprotected flames, it hedges out vapor, gas or fog that can be dispersed.
The area is difficult, difficult terrain for other creatures than you.
The attack rolls.
OK, so will I be able to use warding wind to potentially get rid of this mud that we're stuck in?
Maybe a strong wind would dry it out a little bit and allow the wheels to roll over it.
I would I would say, yeah, absolutely.
So it's 10 foot around you.
It's a right.
It is a 10 foot radius.
OK, so you could probably position yourself.
So, I mean, Sully would take the brunt of the wind as well.
His tunic flies up.
He pushes it down in the center.
Marilyn Monroe style.
And it's like, whoa.
But yeah, you'd definitely be able to like, you know, start to dry or push the mud.
And then the wind would subsequently dry it out, giving glim and moot enough time to roll a combined strength.
OK, granting probably advantage because of the boon that dense is bringing to this.
So many boons.
16.
17.
Dense flies up and begins flapping his wings.
Sully, you're caught in the middle as you're deafened by the by the sound of these flapping wings.
I'm so going to talk real loud from now on for like a minute.
Moot and glim.
You begin to feel it ease up as you kind of rocket back and forth and begin to get some traction as the mud dries up, pushes away and dries out beneath you and get back up on the quote unquote trail that you were on.
That was sludge more than anything and are able to continue moving forward.
Hey, you guys got it.
Good job.
Yeah.
Well, you guys really need me.
You should stick around.
Huh?
Well, you know, if it wasn't for me, you'd still be stuck.
I'm sorry, come again?
Yeah, well, I said if it wasn't for me, you would still be stuck.
Yeah, I think I get the tunic half off.
Well, that was that's really good.
That was a great deal.
Glim and Moot roll a perception check.
What is Sullivan screaming about back there?
Wasn't great, Russ.
That's a solid two.
Oh, my God.
Fourteen.
You're trying to figure out where Sully got the tunic half off.
But Glim, you hear you get moving again and you hear up kind of beyond the trees.
It's very dense over brush.
But you hear like movement coming from behind trees, kind of like a squeaking sound and not heavy foot pads, but definite like scratching movement among the trees and through the through the brush.
Am I still deafened?
Yeah, you can hear a thing.
Can you guys hear that?
It sounds like there's something up ahead.
I'm hoping they're not rodents of unusual size, although we are in a swamp and apparently everything is an 80s movie.
Should I be rolling as well?
Yeah, now that your attention has been drawn, everybody can roll it.
Well, you can't roll your deaf, but everybody else can roll at advantage.
For a perception roll?
Perception, yeah.
I think it's good, you guys.
Nineteen was my roll.
My roll was worse than my two.
I'll let you guys fill in the blank on that one.
Wow.
Really had to try for that one.
What's your plus?
A zero for perception.
I was going to say must be a zero or a minus.
Or a minus, there is no plus for that.
I looked too long directly at the sun.
There's no sun, it's like over brush.
Over brush? What is it?
Is it canopy?
Over brush.
You did say over brush, which is that? Are those the same thing?
I don't think those are things.
Don't judge me.
I mean under brush definitely is a thing.
Yeah, a canopy overhead.
I don't know about this over brush.
What is over brush?
It's a real stalagmite, stalag tight situation.
So I rolled seventeen.
Okay.
So seventeen, one, and sorry, Glim, what did you get?
Nineteen.
Okay.
Moot's really stumped by this half off tunic still.
Still just trying to parse it out.
Was it half off the price or was it because it was blown half off?
You don't even know.
Or is it because it's small because you're a small person?
Maybe it was a full size tunic.
Was it half the price?
And I cut it in half, I took half of it off.
Exactly, it's a real mystery Moot's trying to solve.
Dense and Glim, you turn with barely enough time to see a humanoid-sized rat jump out from behind the trees towards Moot.
Who's going to make a couple attacks at Moot.
So a fourteen and an eight to bite.
Yeah, that hits.
Great.
You're going to take four piercing damage as well as a constitution saving throw, please.
What do you think you'd yell if you got bitten by a rat?
My rolls have been great so far, so let's do that.
Oh, all right, that's a twenty four on the constitution saving throw.
So one extreme to the other and you said I took how much damage?
Four piercing damage.
And now roll for initiative, please.
I feel like I'm in the, I feel like I'm sitting in the back of the wagon talking to myself.
That's a three plus five is eight.
That makes sense.
So yeah, this checks out.
I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't hear an attack going on.
I'm not paying attention.
Seventeen for me.
Twelve.
Ten.
All right, Glim, you are up first as you see this large rat jumping at your friend Moot biting into his arm.
OK, then I am going to use this nice long sword that I didn't mention, but I picked up in Simbar and it's like really sweet.
And we went to the shop and I bought it and it's great.
What?
I think I was supposed, wasn't I supposed to come up with a reason how I ended up with this sword?
Yeah, the dude gave it to you.
He gave it to you.
Yeah.
Well, that's fine.
I had a note that was like, come up with where you got the sword.
Never mind.
No, you're good.
You own it.
Just kidding.
Right.
Didn't steal it off of anybody.
It's not.
It's not mortgage.
OK, so I'm going to attack with this long sword and that is not great, but it is a 14.
14 does hit.
It is 16 damage.
Hoof a doofa.
Does anyone yell anything at any point while they're fighting?
Not yet.
OK.
I want to save it for when it seems like maybe when another one appears.
OK, it's the rat's turn and it's going to turn and try and bite you as well as
try and hit you with its short sword.
So the bite is going to be a 16 to hit.
It will not work.
I'm scaly fleshed.
Then the short sword definitely will not hit.
We go to moot.
Is this thing locked onto my arm?
What's the deal here?
No, it unattached as Glim approached.
So it's still within range of both you and Glim at this point.
OK, I'm going to cast mage armor on myself.
So I kind of shimmer a little bit.
That's kind of my look actually.
Sorry, I had to steal it.
Want to roll to see if you trigger your table?
Oh, yes, please.
Trigger, trigger, trigger.
It's a seven.
So I think it's not not good enough.
Nope.
So I'll say because you said you've been casting and stuff and nothing's triggered.
So we'll say you're you were at a six.
OK.
So next time if you roll a seven or lower.
Sounds good.
You trigger.
It's awfully kind of you.
Well, we didn't talk about it before.
So dense, it's your turn.
All right.
Well, dense is going to see this rat and immediately his birdlike instincts take over and he jumps up in the air and he swoops down with his talents to attack this rat.
Excellent.
Eat it, eat it.
Oh, does a 21 hit?
Yes, it does, sir.
All right.
Oh, oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding me?
Or did it?
Because I just rolled one d4 minus one and rolled a one.
I mean, you must still be able to do one damage.
Yeah.
How do you know?
That's wild.
So you're like, so OK, knowing that it's zero damage, you like you like clamp in, but it's not super tight.
Yeah, you just like go for the nipples or something.
You're like, did I like just grab the clothes and just rip his clothes?
There you go.
The rat wearing the flesh.
The rat is wearing clothes.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yep.
So you swamp rats often do.
And now you're just like, hi.
Right.
Now.
Now your nipples are exposed.
That's right.
Now you look stupid.
Sully, what are you doing?
You probably at least noticed.
Did I?
You tell me.
What is Sully doing?
This was my imagining.
But it's not a covered cart, though.
I just imagine Sullivan's Sly was sitting down, kind of like hands between his legs, just like thinking he's humming quietly to himself.
But it's really like.
And just like real loud, awkward humming.
OK, coming up behind you.
But you haven't noticed that the cart stopped moving again?
I mean, we started rolling on.
Just nothing.
Rest didn't let me finish.
I said it wasn't.
It's not a covered cart, though, right?
No.
So I likely would see a scuffle.
Well, yeah.
OK, you see the scuffle probably as you're finishing humming.
But coming up behind you is another one of these wear rats.
He's going to hit you for a 22 with his bite.
Or their bite, rather.
That works.
Damn.
Wait, hold on.
Did we have a long rest?
You would have had a long rest between now and.
OK, then I'm going to make sure that.
Oh, yeah.
You're not almost dead.
So I don't even get to do anything.
This thing's just going to attack me.
Fine.
Yeah, well, it's the thing's turn.
You said it was my turn.
No, I asked you what you were doing.
Demands to be able to do something about it, right?
I gave you the thought that it could be your turn, but I asked you what you were doing.
So four piercing damage and a Constitution saving throw, please.
Ah ha ha.
Nineteen.
OK, you still take four piercing damage.
Well, I will.
Great.
And now it's your turn.
How long does the deafen thing take?
A minute?
The deafen thing?
Yeah, how long am I deafened for?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, let's take a look.
Look that up, sister.
That was your fault.
Yeah, that was my fault.
It's OK.
I like it when a weird mechanic comes in like that, where it's just like.
Up to 10 minutes.
Oh, yeah.
Well, no, that's the duration of the spell.
Oh, OK.
It doesn't say how long the deafen works.
Maybe a turn?
Well, I mean, we were traveling.
It's one action.
Yeah, I mean.
We kept going after that.
And then you got moving and then the thing attacked.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
I think now that you've been hit, the ringing stops in your ears.
Yeah.
The adrenaline.
I just will suffer from.
Has unrung your ears.
Tinnitus.
Does, yeah.
For the rest of my life.
OK.
All thanks to dance.
Every once in a while, I just want you to put like, you know, that high pitch, just like wine that you hear in your ear.
And then I'm just going to go.
Tinnitus sound.
Can you hear that?
Yeah.
Just every like six episodes.
I'm going to.
So this thing has come from behind me and it's like what on my shoulder?
Yeah, like bit your shoulder.
I would like to.
Do I get a two hand attack if I've got daggers?
Yeah, you'd roll.
Yeah, you could roll.
I think you've got two weapon fighting.
Two weapon fighting.
Yeah.
OK, so what I'm going to do is as it bites me, I've got my daggers on my person.
I'm going to unsheath my daggers and stab backwards at whatever is behind me.
Please be cool.
Cool.
Don't roll one.
Fuck.
Eleven.
Eleven does not hit.
Eleven.
Two ones.
Eleven still does not hit.
Sorry.
I just experienced deja vu.
Yeah.
You guys think I'm dancing to my own humming?
There's a rat latched onto his shoulder.
Good God.
Cool.
All right.
Back to the top.
Glim.
There are now two rats in play.
Brutal.
OK.
Well, I'm going to attack the one I was already attacking again.
That is a 25.
25 is good, yeah.
And that is 11 damage.
Just kidding.
OK.
Tell me how you kill this rat.
Well, I guess it has engaged with moot again since I was last fighting with it.
Did it bite you at you, moot, or what was it doing?
Its last action was going for you, Glim, but both of you are within melee range.
OK.
Well, I think just probably really traditional, just like a sword right through the chest.
I haven't learned a lot of fancy new tricks with my new sword.
It's pretty much just the straight stabbing.
The meat and potatoes option.
Just get used to it.
Yeah.
It's not perfect.
It's just small vanilla impalement.
Exactly.
You get fancy with it after you swear.
Just a little rat kebab.
I haven't been doing a lot of fencing lessons on the road or anything.
You impale it, and it hugs into your sword and then slides off and down into the muck.
Moot.
This other one that's left is attached to Sully?
Yeah.
They're dancing together now.
On top of the cart, so it is a bit of a stage.
It's a go-go thing going on there.
Yep.
Sure.
That seems rather iffy for a lot of the options that I have.
Please don't set me on fire.
Let's do another spell.
Let's throw some magic missile because I know that one will hit my target.
Is it going to explode beside me though?
You know what?
Whatever.
Magic missile.
It hits the target.
It's fine.
Am I going to be deaf in that ear?
Probably.
I'll roll your damage, Russ, and then I'll roll the D20 again.
Six damage.
Magic missile's going off.
Then it's ... roll your D20.
Eighteen.
Should be good to go.
Eight or below.
Dents, it's your turn.
Dents is going to ... he sees Sully attacking this or being attacked by this creature, and
Sully made Dents feel welcomed with this group, and this makes Dents feel a little
upset that his new friend is being attacked, so he pulls out the frightful sword of
reflection, and he goes and he swings at this where at.
Eighteen to hit.
Bad hits.
When he comes around, he goes to stab it in the leg.
He swings because he knows that that's the place where Sully is not, so he goes
stab it in the leg through the thigh for seven points of damage.
Awesome.
Thirteen.
Yeah, your blade goes down through the leg, so through and into the carriage or
just through the meat, and then ...
Through the meat, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Just, yeah.
Perfect.
Just trying to find a way to stab me.
Stop.
Right.
No, I'm not.
I'm trying to.
Was it into the carriage?
Was it maybe right where Sullivan's leg was sitting?
Right into the heart of the person you were trying to protect.
Good Lord.
Yes, absolutely.
That works.
Perfect.
It's where rats turn, and they let out a shriek after they've been struck by
multiple magic missile bolts and now a blade.
They look around.
Do you retract the blade, or do you leave it in the leg?
So, yeah, so Jent stabs this were rat in the leg, and then he pulls it out, and as he's
pulling it out, Sully gets a view of the hilt of the sword.
It's polished almost like mirror, mirrored polish, and it's got two dragon wings on
it, and the handle itself is a boar's hide handle.
And he just pulls the sword out, and it actually kind of looks more majestic with blood coming
off of it as it retracts from the leg than it did going in.
Aw, man, thank you so much for saving me with your beautiful sword.
Well, you know, I've got to protect my friends.
You're pretty friendly.
It's a nice sword, don't you think?
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
The rat disengages and begins to run off and into the forest.
It makes it 30 feet into the trees.
Sully's turn.
Sully's like, not today, bitch, and takes out his short bow, and ah, 22.
Let's an arrow fly at this rat.
22 is better than 11.
It still hits.
Double 11.
Don't math at me.
Yeah.
It was both of those rolls before combined.
Six.
Because, of course, I rolled the least amount of damage possible.
Where are you aiming for on this rat?
His back.
Okay.
You know, the big target.
Your bolt goes and strikes deep into the back, and it flops down into the muck.
And don't come back!
Glim and Moot, you look down at the rat that you had dispatched of, and you now see before
you a human creature dead in the muck.
Oh, well, I mean, that's unfortunate.
I guess we have to assume that the wants of the human just are expressed when they're
turned into a rat, right, everybody?
I guess.
Yeah, if that makes you sleep at night, sure.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Sure.
Why not?
Yeah.
I'm sure that's the way it is.
I'm sure we didn't just kill a couple of humans who were under some kind of spell
or something.
It's fine.
They were rat people.
You must take care of the rat people.
Sometimes they're pretty tasty.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you?
Now he's a human.
You probably don't want any of them.
No.
They taste better as rats.
Yeah.
Well, you know, maybe next time if we encounter any of these rat people again, we could probably
just knock them out instead of trying to like straight up murder them.
Because now we know, right?
We know better.
Now we don't have to kill them.
We could not kill them.
I could just eat them.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that would be great.
Sullivan's light doesn't know what to say.
Okay, you continue forward.
Yes.
Got to find that Citadel.
You clear the swamp, taking a day in the next town to repair any possible damage
to the carriage and rest yourself.
You gather directions from where you are to enter the Tamanther region.
And it's along the rolling hills off the Riders of the Sky mountain range.
You are warned to be weary of trolls, pterodons, and creatures of the Underdark when coming
upon the mountains and to avoid going through them if possible, especially during the night.
Your party heads off the next day and you find yourself traveling for a couple days
and you follow along the path as it's getting towards night time and the path goes up
and into part of the mountain range at night as you are as you are traveling closer
to night time.
Like I'm not a sissy or anything like that, but I guess like people explicitly told
us not to come in here when it's night time because it's like all dangerous and stuff
and I'm just saying what if we kill something that is actually a real true person in the
daytime but is in fact not in the night time?
Oh that's a good point.
I mean I guess I think if we could not fight any creatures of the Underdark that
would be better.
Like good night's sleep, fight creatures of the Underdark, I'm going to vote good night's
sleep.
I'm going to say maybe we can just make camp here, not head into the mountains at night
as Sully said we were explicitly told not to do.
And I never follow directions.
What do you guys think?
So, you know.
It's true.
I mean we should do it if only for that reason.
Yeah, this is unprecedented.
Well maybe we shouldn't do it because I'm saying it.
Now I'm, now I don't, I can't trust my own judgment.
Oh well, but we're outside already so aren't the things outside, can't they get us since
we're outside already?
Hmm.
Yeah, Dance makes a good point.
Dance is making a good point.
They can't get us because we are outside.
It seemed like maybe they couldn't, they're like stuck in the mountain range, I mean
based on what we heard, but maybe we should not go into the mountains at night, but make
sure we keep a good watch, take turns doing a good watch overnight just in case, as
you said, we are outside.
They're outside.
Yeah, you're right.
That, that's probably, you know what, because I mean we don't want to be sitting
ducks.
It's not like we're all going to be snoozing.
Yeah.
What do you think Moot?
I think so.
I mean, I'd hate to chance it, so yeah, let's just, let's do the watch thing.
I think it'll be all good.
Can I do first watch?
Cause it's impossible to wake me up once I'm sleeping.
Sure.
Okay.
It's the middle time now and we're talking about stuff about Patreon probably.
Wow.
I thought you'd come in with Bear Naked Ladies since we all just did a sing along
with it, but no.
Yeah.
It was an original Russ More joint and it was beautiful.
You know, the, the, the old BNL, they gave me a call and were like, stop ripping off
my songs.
Uh, so I have to come up with my own now.
I'd be really excited if we were told to like, fuck off Bear Naked Ladies.
You need to stop.
You guys could just stop.
Yep.
Could you just?
Um, where we don't stop, can't stop, won't stop is over on Patreon.com slash
dumb dragon cast where we have so many, you know what?
I counted up all of the bonus episodes.
How many?
What are we at?
It's over 130.
Whoa.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
We spend a lot of time doing this.
Hey guys.
We really do.
Do we have nothing else going on?
This is our whole lives, isn't it?
All we want to do is just provide audio content for all you beautiful people.
I looked through them.
I was like, ah, some of them, that was just clearly Russ.
This was like, yeah, let's do something fun.
But others are stuff you, you clearly, uh, said that we'll do many of these.
So thank you.
Thank you.
And thank you for listening.
Thank you, Tom.
You're welcome.
Thank you, Tom, for DMing most of that content.
DMing Russ's shenanigans.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
Whole other characters, whole other games, whole other storylines.
Janitors.
Witches.
Maybe more Lucy Goosy.
I don't know.
It's hard to say.
Maybe.
I mean, Russ for sure.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Russ as a, as a player.
Ooh boy.
Good times.
I think is what everybody means to say.
And you can get your hands on that or like your ears on that.
Your ears?
You can get your, you can get that in your ears.
Well, use your hands to go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Yes.
Then beam that shit into your ears.
Also by using your hands.
Also using your hands.
You have to press play.
You know what?
Hands and ears.
You could probably get them into your hands if you, if you got them, cause you can
download them once you get them and then like get like a digital to cassette kind of feel.
I like where you're going.
Let's make some good, just some needlessly complicated.
I'm into it.
Maybe I'll, maybe I'll just burn some CDs.
Put that off.
Just burn a CD.
Yeah.
Oh, this is, there's something here.
We need to figure out how to do cassettes again.
We need to create a Dumbgeons and Dragons physical library.
If you're ever in Edmonton, come and rent one of our episodes will be like the new blockbuster.
That's right.
$5.
You get it for two days.
If it's a day late, it's another $5.
It's really going to suck though, when someone rents like episode 92 and then doesn't
return it.
And that person that is after them gets to that episode and then it's like, well,
guess I'll just never know what happened in episode 92.
You know what?
I'm really happy that podcasts work the way they do after talking about this.
I'm just like, well, maybe this isn't the best idea, but we won't know till we do it.
So what if you paid $5 a month and had like all the access to all of the things the
whole time instead of $5 daily cassette fees.
Amazing.
What an amazing thing we're offering.
That would be pretty good.
If that's the alternative, then I think it's a steal of a deal at half the price.
So Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast at our $5 tier, you get access to, like
we said, over 130 episodes.
Whoa.
Math on that is it's pennies per episode right now.
We're not going to do that math for you.
A whole bunch of episodes and we want to share them with you.
So go check them out.
And now let's get back to the episode with Cicero Holmes.
Isn't he just a delight?
Make sure you check the links down in the description and follow him wherever
he is on discovery debrief.
Go check them all out.
Follow him on Twitter.
You won't be disappointed.
Thank you Cicero for joining us.
Enjoy the episode.
We enter first watch.
Roll me percentile dice, please.
I don't want to.
Please do.
It never goes well.
And then some kittens come out of the forest and you play with them for 30 minutes and
it's wonderful.
Dungeons and kittens.
95.
Okay.
You make it through your watch.
You hear from up in the mountains shrieks and off in the distance echoes of growls.
You even at one point think you hear like pebbles rolling down one of the sides of
the mountains.
Not too far from where you set up your camp, but you make it through without any major
incident.
I mean, apart from all the psychological damage that I know it sounds like it
was very scary.
I've got my like I've got and the lack of kids staff in one hand.
I've got my staff in one hand.
I've got a dagger in the other and every single noise Sullivan is like.
And I'm sure that's great to sleep through.
I Sullivan slight walks over to you.
We didn't decide who.
So I'm just going to poke moot with my stick.
Hey moot, can I sleep in your sack because it's warm already?
Sure.
Yeah.
So you go for it.
I'll I'll do the watch now.
Thank you.
Percentile dice for us.
Okay.
I highly suggest 95.
All right.
Let's go for 95.
Oh, but he said it didn't change every time.
Holy shit.
94.
No.
Tom, you tried your hardest and almost did it.
It says two above 90 in a row kittens walk out of the mountains.
A tiny cat walks out of the mountains towards you.
I mean, you still hear the shrieks and the moaning and stuff coming from the
mountains.
But this tiny cat walks up to you, looks a little famished, gives you that puss in boots
look.
Yeah.
I make that like noise that sometimes cats really like.
Sometimes they don't, but sometimes they do.
Make an animal handbook check.
I dig out like a little bit of milk from our provisions.
We would probably have milk.
How do you dig out milk?
Where do you keep your milk?
Well, it's like in a moose distemper.
Just loose milk.
I mean, you've been traveling for two, 10 days at this point.
Right.
Oh, so probably no milk then.
It was pasteurized.
I thought we hit a town.
Sure.
You just stopped.
Didn't we just hit a town?
Yes.
We sure did.
And Moot was like, just in case I find any kitties.
Right?
You never know.
You got to be ready.
We've somehow transitioned to elite dangerous.
Everything's dehydrated.
Powdered milk.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I pour a little bit of milk for this kitty cat.
Did you roll animal handling amongst me making fun of you for digging out milk?
I had not, but let's see what kind of bonus I have.
Zero.
Perfect.
16.
The tiny cat walks over to you and begins drinking the milk.
Now, if this was really true, though, it would have been anything less than a
19 and this cat would have just attacked him for no reason.
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah.
The cat is purring.
The foley work going on.
Your watch is clear.
Who do you wake up next?
And do you just swap bedrolls and it's just like a free for all?
We just keep moving.
I will wake up Dance next for watch.
Dance, it's your turn for watch.
And now your watch is over.
I swear to God, I know somebody like this makes a very surreal experience.
All right.
So a hundred sided die.
I'm going to roll 84.
Much the same as previous watches, which you may have been briefed on, but you
hear shrieks and growls or grunts coming from.
You do hear pebbles coming from a couple of different directions.
Roll a perception check, please.
Ugh, nine.
Without doing anything extra, you think you see movement up at the top of one of
the nearest mountains from where you're located.
About how far away?
Well, I guess you guys tell me how far did you camp from the mountains.
It's an open hilled plain, like there's no real trees or anything.
So how far would you four have camped away?
So we would have camped, I think, as far away from whatever the tree line is.
So that way, if there was something approaching, we would be able to see it right away.
Then we'll say you see this figure, what you could make to be probably about a hundred
feet away.
Well, I guess would dense know who amongst his traveling companions has dark
vision. Well, I think if we've been traveling for a 10 day.
Yeah, I mean, you would have camped.
Yeah. So Moot, I think, is the only one.
OK, well, yes. So Cicero, the player was not aware of who this was.
So it would be Tom.
So then dense, the character, cast the spell sending and he sends a message to Moot.
He figured Moot would be the one to contact because he's the one who was most
recently awake. And he also knows that Moot has dark vision.
So the message that you hear, Moot, goes a little something like this.
Oh, I have good bird eyes, but you can see in the dark and I think I see
somebody, but only you'll be able to tell me if I really did see somebody.
Can you see somebody?
I probably hadn't even fallen back asleep yet before I got this message.
Sure. Yeah. You're like on the cusp.
Like you've been tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable.
And then dense comes in.
You're not in your own bed.
Right. It's a lot harder.
You're trying to snuggle with this kitty cat because you think dense might eat it.
Sure. All right.
Yeah, Moot kind of heads over to where dense is and says, OK, where show me where.
Dense doesn't quite point, but he he like gestures forward with his neck, kind of
like kind of like a chicken or you know.
So, yes, he just kind of moves his neck forward in the direction of where it was.
You get a vague idea of where you're supposed to be going.
Roll a perception check as you're looking and scanning the camera.
That's a 16.
You're watching for a while.
You don't see anything at first.
And then you catch like glinting eyes off the moonlight.
And you see a shadowy figure roll nature.
That is a 17.
You see this figure and it looks reminiscent the way it's carrying itself
and its long appendages.
You think it might be a troll.
Oh, I think it's I think it might be a troll.
And they said to watch out for trolls.
So what do we do?
Well, you don't feed them.
And then sometimes if you ignore them, they just go away or they'll get tired.
OK, so maybe we douse the fire to not draw attention to ourselves
and maybe he won't even notice us.
Oh, wait a minute, I think I think trolls don't like fire.
Oh, so we should make the fire bigger then.
Well, but they get attracted by fire.
So maybe leave the fire the same.
OK, all right.
Well, we'll leave the fire the same.
Maybe we'll stand on the other side of the fire, though,
so that way he won't come come close to us because we'll be behind the fire.
If we're further away from him, then he won't be closer to us.
That's a good idea.
Just got up, so it's hard to parse.
Oh, I know this person.
I think I'm going to wake up Glim and Sully as well,
because we don't just want to troll attack if if that's what happens
and them to be asleep.
Trolls, trolls rarely attack.
They just like to make a lot of noise.
And then when you confront them, they don't have much to say or do.
Just don't feed them.
Get what?
What's going on?
There's a troll.
I saw a troll.
Oh, nearby.
Just just over in the in the darkness there in the tree line.
Oh, should we make ourselves more dark?
Should we put out the fire?
Well, that's what I thought.
But maybe we just leave the fire.
OK, but then once the troll come this way, trolls don't like fire.
OK, that's what I heard.
Oh, all right. So.
But they don't like they they are attracted to fires,
but they don't like them.
How close is the troll? Because if you touch them, they burn.
I mean, Moot's kind of been keeping an eye.
It doesn't look like it's moved closer.
Well, right. Maybe we just like we're just really quiet.
Well, Moot had a great idea.
He said that if we stay on this side of the fire,
we'll be further away.
That that is a good idea.
He's right.
We are further away now
because we're on the other side of the fire.
That's true. That is how proximity works. OK.
Moot must be your leader because he's really smart.
Well, I feel like we're kind of like a collective unit.
We make decisions together.
Yeah. Oh, oh, like a co-op.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I once worked in a market and they called that a co-op.
I had to go and work in the market
in order to get a discount on the food there.
But it but it worked.
The sun begins to come up.
Thank God.
No, I want to ask Dan some more about trolls.
I didn't say the conversation stopped.
I just said the sun starts to come up.
Does the troll start lumbering away as the sun?
Can we all see the troll now?
What's going on with Mr. Troll over there?
A lot of times, trolls like to be the first one,
and they'll let people know that they're first by saying first.
So maybe that troll is talking to other trolls in the tree line
and letting those trolls know that he's the first troll to see this.
So that might be what's happening.
Well, you know what? That sounds really important.
That's the conversation that's happening as the as the sun rolls up.
Perfect.
I assume everybody's just packing up, getting ready to go.
Yeah, we're definitely not standing around being like, yeah.
Tell me more about co-op.
Dense is just handing things slowly as, you know, discussing trolls.
You climb back aboard.
So you've got, I guess, two options to continue forward.
You can follow the path in the daylight up into the mountains
or can go through some of the more less traveled brush.
Is the brush shorter?
I mean, it's I mean, in terms of distance, not how high is this grass?
Is it overbrushed or is it underbrushed?
Not necessarily shorter
because you're going around the mountains as opposed to through them.
Well, if we were going to go around the mountains,
we could have done that at night.
I assume that we we slept
so that we wouldn't have to go through the mountain.
So now we should go through the mountains.
Agreed. So at first light, we have as much daylight as we can.
It's a really good point.
Continue up and into the mountains.
It's less than that.
I mean, Glim didn't really have a a watch by herself.
It was more of a narrated watch at the end there.
But everybody else, you hear similar shrieks and growls.
Throughout the mountains, much less frequent,
some coming from deep caverns.
And you make it to a bridge that's going over a trickling stream.
A deep canyon separates the path you're on with the next.
The bridge is fully intact.
I would like to check for traps.
OK, we're all to investigate.
Because who's that trapping over my bridge?
It's in there, right in the thing.
Oh, God damn it.
Investigation. Yeah.
Six. Oh, I would also like to.
You guys, this bridge looks fine in my professional opinion.
Uh, let's see.
Yeah, well, that's a five.
Yeah, I agree with Sully. It looks great.
I used to be a bridge of doom.
So, you know, this is one of the best bridges I've seen.
I think it's probably totally super sturdy.
And I just kind of knock on one of the posts at the beginning.
Is it I'm imagining a rope bridge?
Oh, it is a rope bridge.
I am just picturing the three billy goats that I read to my nephew
a couple of weeks ago.
I'm assuming that's for sure like a suspension bridge over.
OK, so it's very.
Oh, can a cart go over this?
Yeah, sure. Sure.
Sure. He says, yes.
Would you guys like the being that doesn't need to cross this rope
bridge on foot to fly over and investigate the bridge?
Is that allowed?
Absolutely. That's allowed.
Everyone can investigate.
All of these characters decide they want to do that.
That's up to you four.
Right.
I'm going to go check this thing out for you guys.
Well, I mean, we already checked it, but I mean, feel free,
because it's a free forest.
I used to have friends who crossed bridges.
But now I don't.
So real soon, you will again.
I mean, let's look on the bright side.
Uh, yeah.
So, um, so dense dark.
Really worried about this bridge.
That's here's what Sully has to say.
And he's like, oh, yeah, I guess you're right.
Maybe he rolled an eight.
So, OK, so looks good.
So we've had a five, six and eight.
Everything looks totally fine.
I assume you fly up and go to the other side or do you come back to your friends?
Well, no. So, yeah.
So what he did was basically he flew to the front of the bridge
and then he flew around it to see if if any of the boards were
messed up and then he came back onto the other side.
Looks good. He's just going to walk, walk across with this first
eighth of this bridge looking good.
You guys. Yes. Awesome.
Yeah. Listen, it is.
He read the he read the preface of the of the book.
And, you know, now he's got a feel for what the book.
First sentence, last sentence.
Done. Are we all convincing enough for Moot?
Oh, yeah. No, Moot's totally on board.
I mean, if everyone else checked it, he's got to believe it.
Why would three people not be able to find a simple something? Right. Right.
So. You guys, I'm not going to I'm not going to ride in the cot
because although this looks like a really well made bridge,
I just think the mole weight in one particular spot,
like we should spread it out, right? It's just smuts.
Well, you guys, you guys really are smart.
So maybe maybe it is a collective view.
You have co-op smartness.
Well, we each bring something special to this.
That's amazing. The situation here.
Who would like to go first?
You know what? I will, because I'm super light.
And if anyone else takes this bridge down, I don't stand a chance in hell.
Sullivan's light wants to traipse across this bridge.
La da da da da. OK.
I do it. You.
Yeah, you begin walking across a similar suspension bridge feel.
It starts to bounce the further into the middle you get.
You walk all the way over to the other side.
And as you pass over and step onto the rocky mountainous terrain,
you hear from underneath the bridge first.
Damn it, I think it's one of those damn trolls who always need to say
that they see something first. You, you move right.
We're OK as long as we don't drop any food.
I'll go next.
You walk across the bridge, bouncy on the way,
and you step up onto the rocky terrain on the other side.
You hear, second.
I'm going to go next.
Second. I guess I'll go dance.
I feel like maybe you should maybe just fly.
I mean, I mean, you can walk.
You're an independent bird. You can do whatever you want.
You don't have to. I'm just saying.
And then I walk across.
Are you bringing the carriage with you?
I don't think so.
I think we'll just get to the other side and we'll just call Rolf.
You're not going to walk for Rolf.
He's going to be so scared.
Do you think he'll be scared?
OK, I can walk, Rolf. Sure.
Let's put the heaviest person and the carriage together.
And it just feels right.
It's fine. It's no problem whatsoever.
OK, you step out with Rolf
and begin bouncing and rolling along.
All of you hear straining in the ropes
as you're walking across,
but you make it up and over and you hear from beneath the bridge.
Third, fourth.
Oh, hey, hey, guys.
You guys look so great over there.
I'm going to I'm going to come over now. OK.
Dense, you walk across, bouncing suspension bridge.
Step up onto the stone.
Fifth. OK, bye.
You all climb aboard your carriage and head back on your way,
and it's on the 10th day early in the morning
after having stopped and clearing the night before
that you reach the border of Jurad Thamar.
You crest over a large hill
and see the tip of a large pyramid off in the distance
alongside the massive meth wood forest.
The song Long Road Ahead is by Kavin McLeod
of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found at EpidemicSound.com
or BoomLibrary.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Christian Brown,
Darylith, Devin Michaels, Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden,
Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Mark Heartless and Stevie.
To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons & Dragons,
visit us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
where you can have exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus audio content,
create in-game NPCs and items, as well as play games with the cast.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Have a great week and we'll talk soon.
What did I say? Nothing.
Just don't you never ending story this bitch over here.
Don't you dare. Don't do it.
This says RP time.
So you tell me how the story goes through.
No problem. That's right.
Nobody has childhood trauma.
Sully screams, thank you for saving.
Now, Sullivan has somehow deaf and you have a little
turned into bowstring flick.
Maybe Sully always had a list, but was able to cover it up
because he could hear what he was saying.
Yeah. Now I'm scared I'm going to do it again.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a dumb dragons production.