Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
What do you have to offer me?
It says I wish for my freedom.
Well, we are here to essentially liberate everybody from this flying fortress.
That includes you, mama!
Do you not want to fight for your freedom, rather than being here with all of your dream children forever?
I would fight for my freedom. However, I am bound to this cavern.
Thank you, Ferbuxy. We'll meet again.
We will return with this key. You will help us fight for freedom.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More, and with me today is Carla Maxted.
That is me. I play Yen Bolnuri, a Kalishtar cleric.
And Tom Laird.
That's me. I play Flint Firebeard, a champion dwarf fighter.
And Amy More.
I'm Thea Amastasia, and I play a high elf druid.
I said I am Thea Amastasia, and I play...
Well, you are. You embody her. It was accurate.
Also, I wish you would have told me that we were going for sassy mm-hmms after the intros, because I totally would have done something different.
I know. You really did kind of bring the sass.
See, this is what the downtime is for, everybody, where we discuss what we're doing in the next one, with the common theme, which we missed in the last one.
But hey, we have downtimes over on Patreon. What's a downtime?
Oh, we get to bitch and complain.
That's where we talk about the episode we just recorded.
That, too.
Yeah, we record an episode, and then we discuss what we liked, what we didn't like, how Russ was mean to us, what our plans are.
How Russ was mean to us. Don't forget that part.
Hey, don't worry. They don't talk about that a lot, because Russ is never mean to them.
You know, just random guesses about what might happen, or occasionally. And you might think we use this time to discuss strategy.
We do not.
No, no.
Yeah, you'd be most never.
You'd think we could, like, regroup. This is a really good organized time to regroup and plan what we're going to do next time.
Nope.
No, we don't use it for that. We mostly just talk about Russ to his face.
And it's fun. It's lighthearted and it's fun. And we laugh and have a good time.
When I was like, hey, guys, we should just, you know, all this all this stuff that we're doing where we're just, you know, talking about how much Russ was a dumb dumb or a doink.
Or we just wanted to put it into a thing.
So you can join us over on Patreon at the five dollar or up tiers to get access to those weekly extra bonus episodes.
But when you are a patron, you also get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Weston Sensing.
Thanks, Weston.
Good name. Do our patrons have the best names?
I feel like every week I'm like, damn, that's a good name.
That seems like a book name or a movie name.
Yeah.
And I like it.
We love all of our patrons.
Did Gene Austin write about you by any chance, Weston?
Yes.
I believe so.
It's not a reference. It just sounds like a book name.
Like maybe he's from a Jane Austen novel.
Agreed.
Maybe.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. Come join us over there.
Your name is awesome, too.
Now, fuck it. Let's play.
So we're in a trash pot.
You are hovering above a trash pile.
O.T.X. below you are about finished.
The refuse that they have procured from the skeletons that have walked in,
paid no attention to you and walked out.
And we joined back in the conversation of whether to backtrack or whether to conjure and go.
I think we should go forward and find.
Gosh, after seeing those beholders, I just feel really bad about this.
But like, go forward, find something to kill for them to eat.
I'm sure we'll find some sort of nasty creature that wants us dead.
We'll kill it. We'll bring it back here.
Well, what if we just go where the skeletons came from with the food that they brought?
Maybe we'll be able to find more there.
Yeah, OK, that's a good idea.
Yes.
I guess maybe we try and time it if they seem to be coming in in regular intervals.
I know there was one and then there was a couple.
I don't know if that seems to be regular or just random.
There have not been enough as the O.T.X. are finishing their current piles
to determine if there is any pre-scheduled enterings of skeletons.
OK.
We are going to come back and we are going to bring you delicious food.
Hurry.
And when we do, I want that key.
Yes.
OK, we'll see you soon.
And we fly over and then I imagine have to get off to get down to go through the crack.
As you as you fly over, what looked like a crack opens up into more of a channel.
And beyond, you see that the the filth is kind of pouring into it a little bit around the sides.
But it's, again, another rough walled cavern.
And it contains like the filth and the stench that you smelled in the last room permeates through into this room.
In fact, at this point, I'd like everybody to make a Constitution saving throw.
Because of the stinky bit.
Wow.
That's a lot of stink.
Oh, God, no, it's not good.
Mine isn't great either.
Eleven.
Ten.
Oh, no, I get a plus one.
Twelve.
Here's twenty four.
Bonus.
Yeah, right.
So my con bonus is plus nine.
Cool.
He's got a roll.
You got a roll of one.
Twenty five.
There it is.
Everybody has succeeded.
It stinks real bad, but you're not going to take any any sort of physical damage from it.
And as you enter into this new cavern, you see twenty unarmed skeletons standing waiting in line, each beside a cart and what looks like a chute in the wall.
They don't look to you as you enter.
There is ambience of the room.
There's like shadows that curl like smoke from the wall.
So they are all waiting at this at this cart in line.
Are they wearing clothes?
Doesn't matter.
I just want to paint a visual picture for me.
Yeah, no, they're just naked skeletons.
Nude skeletons.
You can see all the bones.
Except the most important ones now because they're skeletons.
You know, I winked, but nobody could see that because this is a very dramatic wink.
It's the only way I wink.
I was trying to make like a lack of dick joke because we got it.
Yeah, I feel like I don't think it landed.
No, everyone got it for sure.
Anyway, well, we drove it home here.
You know, you know, when you're reading through your your sheet to find something useful and then you come across something that you're like, turns out I have something called primal strike.
And when I attack in beast form, my attack counts as magical for the purpose of overcoming resistance and immunity to nonmagical attacks and damage.
Huh?
Well, that's interesting information.
Yep.
Isn't it just?
That's a thing that you have had the whole time.
Uh huh.
I mean, yeah, no, like the whole time.
I guess it doesn't matter because you've never attacked or been attacked when you've been in creature form.
So this is just this wouldn't have been useful information to have.
Definitely haven't been attacked, but like nonmagical attacks.
The thing about these higher level characters is that there's just so much to remember.
There's so much.
That's why I played a fighter who only fights.
I feel like you guys, I don't want to call you out, but you have been playing these characters for years.
So I feel like you should.
But maybe that makes it harder.
I think I've written mine wrong this whole time.
I don't know.
What did you figure out?
I have primal strike.
And when I'm an animal, I have resistance and immunity to nonmagical attacks and damage.
Why you not use that?
Why I not use that?
Why you not use that?
I'm sorry.
I'm just going to have to put this back on the listeners just for a minute.
You guys, you're supposed to tell me.
We count on you to stop us from doing dumb shit.
Like forgetting about very powerful things that we can do that would be life-saving.
Since level three or something like that.
It's been a long time.
Since I could Wild Shape, I've had this ability.
I'm a disgrace.
We're real good at D&D, guys.
I can't remember.
We're in a shopping cart lineup filled with skeletons, yes?
We're in a garbage chute lineup staffed by skeletons.
So you know that means that your attacks don't impose resistance and immunity.
It's not attacks on you.
Your attacks in beast form count as magical for the purpose of overcoming resistance.
So it's not attacks on you.
It's you when you scratch them.
Oh, thank God.
See, I've read it now reversed twice.
Okay.
So you haven't been taking extra damage.
You might have been giving less damage because you also haven't been necessarily bringing that.
I feel like you brought that up at some point.
Have I?
Yeah.
So if you pierce someone and they have resistance, you say, ah, ah, ah is actually magic.
This should be downtime stuff, everybody.
This should be downtime stuff.
This is the kind of stuff that you can get in downtime.
No, it's not because we just talked about it right now.
This is way more strategy talk than we would ever have in a downtime.
A little sneak peek for you in what would maybe happen in downtime.
For downtime, really, it's just Amy going, I'm mad about this.
It is.
You know what really grinds my gears?
We're never going to get through this pyramid, everybody.
Let's just keep going here.
We've just accepted that we live here now.
We've resigned.
Yes, this is our place of residence.
So we're in a lineup.
We're outside the trash Costco.
Yep.
Behind all the naked skeletons.
Do you think that we could like budge in line somehow but not upset anybody?
You see after as you enter and wait just a moment and you're talking about budging in line
and about your magical attacks or non-magical attacks or whatever the hell you're talking about.
You see a pile of this refuse pile come out of this chute and land down in this cart
and the skeleton who's standing at it reaches down, picks it up,
and begins to walk towards the exit where you walked in.
Okay, totally imagine them all with shopping carts in a line.
And they'd like the garbage chute dumps it into their shopping cart
and they wheel their shopping cart away.
I like that better.
They've got their trolleys in the queue.
We now have them with shopping carts.
Perfect.
And the refuse falls down into the shopping cart
and it turns and you hear the squeaky wheels.
You know when you see a random shopping cart in a ditch somewhere
and you think like how'd that get there?
We're miles away from a Walmart.
It's because it's been kicked out of a floating pyramid somewhere above
because it was damaged.
This really does.
That's just where it comes from.
I mean it is what I'm going to think every time I see a random shopping cart now.
So thanks.
You're welcome.
It's fun.
It's a little more whimsical than the alternative.
It rolls by your location and out into the OTX.
And still nothing like the Skellingtons are like.
Not looking at us.
No, they all kind of drive forward with their carts and stop and wait.
Okay.
Is this going to be good enough?
I don't know.
Maybe if we had more, they wanted more food.
So double load?
I wonder if we interrupt the Skeletons, then they notice and attack us?
Yeah, I don't know.
They don't seem to be really kind of conscious.
Are there other empty carts in the room as well, Russ?
Do we need a quarter to get one out?
Yeah.
Odds, yes.
Evens, no.
Odds, yes.
There's one overturned cart.
It's missing one wheel.
It's a bit bent out of shape.
It's off in the corner.
Well, if we need more of the, I guess, food.
Sure.
All right.
If we need more of the food, maybe we can swap out this empty cart for one that gets
filled up and then fill it up a second time and then take it from a Skeleton after
that.
Then we deliver more food because that's what they want.
Sure.
Yeah.
Bring them and be like, we've got more where this came from.
We just stand in line.
We go.
They fill it up.
We wait.
We get a second load.
Then we go.
Are we budging?
Are we line budgers?
Is that who we are now?
It's just us, guys.
There's a time and a place.
All I'm wondering is, are all these Skeletons coming back in there with this?
Yes.
It seems like a fairly constant supply of the same kind of food.
This is true.
They said they want good food, better food.
Do we maybe bring them this and just see if it works?
I mean, did they seem like very smart to you, Yenbul?
No, but I do feel like we want perhaps something better or at least more.
Perhaps we go a little bit further and see what we see.
If nothing better, we come back.
We take the trash.
We try that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Is there an exit to this room other than the trash chute?
Negative.
Just the one you came in.
Hmm.
Well.
But there was another exit out of the...
Yeah.
There was another entrance exit out of the other place.
Out of the trash room.
Yeah.
Oh.
Well, if we have to go back into the trash room, we may as well try and bring a double
cart to see if it works.
If it does not work, we're already here.
May as well get trash.
That's what I always say.
Very applicable saying.
Okay.
We wait for trash.
We wait patiently in the lineup.
We get a cart and we wait patiently in the lineup for some trash.
But when it fills up, then we'll wait for a double load.
You're just getting in line at the end.
Yeah.
Twenty skeletons deep.
Yeah.
Cool.
Okay.
So a little montage scene.
We see you get in line here at the back.
I lean over to Maddox and I say, I spy with my little eye.
God damn it.
Something that is green.
Is it trash?
Yeah.
Your turn.
Twenty minutes later.
Is it that brown paper bag over there?
No.
Is it that pile of poop over there?
No.
Is it that scar on that skeleton up there?
No.
Is it this label on the shopping cart?
No.
Oh my God, is it my bag?
Forty minutes later.
Is it Flint's leather belt?
No.
Is it Yen Bol's tassels on her rug?
No.
Is it...
I don't want to play anymore.
No, wait.
My shoes?
Yeah.
Okay, now I don't want to play anymore.
Thirty minutes later.
Would you rather?
Oh God, we're next.
Jesus.
You're next in line.
And a pile of refuse comes down and lands in your cart.
We wait for a second dump.
We want a double pile.
We want it two piles high.
You see the skeletons checking their imaginary watches behind you.
They're impatiently waiting.
I wish they could play I Spy with them.
Their teeth are chattering together as it looks like they're just getting antsy by the fact that you're waiting there.
And then another pile comes down and into your cart.
It's overflowing now.
You begin to push the cart at this point?
Yes.
I feel like we kind of support it by the sides as well.
You said there are only three wheels.
We're compensating for the weight.
No, that's okay.
I was going to make it fall out if you didn't say something.
So good.
Figured.
I figured you told us it had three wheels for a reason.
That's a fuck us over with later.
Okay, you roll the cart back out.
And you roll it back into the OTF layer who are eating just other other stuff in there.
You don't even need to know.
It's just it's better if we don't know.
Yeah.
And they turn and look at you and say, bring food.
Yes, we brought food.
Lots of food.
They stomp closer towards you.
You have key.
You drop food.
I want to see the key.
One of them moves one of their tentacles and goes deep into one of the piles and pulls back a literal key.
It's covered in filth.
But it is it is a key and it moves it towards you and says drop food.
I want to make sure that the carpet is with us.
So hopefully when we get the key, we can just be on it.
Okay.
Sure.
Go back.
The carpet can be where you want it to be.
Yeah, it'll be with us.
Okay.
Can one of you make sure you get the key?
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll drop food.
We'll take key.
Thank you.
So I start to dump the cart.
The refuse begins to fall to the ground and it moves its tentacle closer to your direction.
I put my hand outstretched.
It moves closer and closer until all of the refuse has fallen to the ground and it's within arms reach from you, Thea.
I reach just a little bit further and wrap my hand around the key.
The tentacle is holding tight to the key.
I give it like a little scratchy scratch with my finger, a little tickle with my finger.
And I also pull out the last of that bread and the smelly cheese and put it on the top as the cherry on the garbage sundae.
It releases the key and both of them rush towards the refuse and begin devouring it.
Quickly on the carpet.
Hop on the carpet and I take out my water skin and I rinse the key off and my hand.
And we carpet back the way we came.
You zip back down and into the dark chamber.
And as you enter the darkened chamber, the darkness clears around you as you fly back into the center and you hear the clicking around you.
Have you brought the key?
Yeah, we have it.
I lift up the key.
The room gets brighter as the beholder comes down towards you, hovering above.
And you feel like a tug, like it's manipulating it without touching.
And I let go.
It raises it towards itself and gazes upon it, spins around in place in front of it.
And then there's a bright flash of light that comes from this key and it illuminates the entire room.
And you can see all of these eyes for once blink in that moment and begin to swirl around this room.
And they come close to you and are swirling around and then quickly move back to the walls.
And you feel like this energy drop around you.
And for Buxy smiles and looks down to you and says you have held your word.
Was there ever any doubt?
Always.
Fair enough.
Says you must go.
Can we trust that you'll keep your end of the deal?
I will.
Two caverns open up.
You will go down the one on the left.
I will catch up to you.
Thank you.
You walk down the path and where before it brought you into this filth layer, this brings you into a different area.
You see in this chamber twisting ledges that divide it into multiple sections, creating a series of deep tiers.
You see stalagmites that dot the floor and you hear like a babbling sound.
Like are we talking brook or incoherent talking?
Like incoherent babble.
Damn it. I was hoping it was brook.
Me too.
It's never brook is it?
Everybody make an intelligence check.
I will put a babbling brook in the side scroller just for you.
An intelligence check you say.
Well I got a four.
I got a six.
Wow.
We're doing great.
Yeah, that's pretty good guys.
I got a 11.
So we're killing it.
How about Maddox?
Fingers crossed.
Five.
Wow.
Around the board.
Yeah, that's good rolls.
Fortunately 11 was enough to know that this babbling that you hear as you focus on it, it sounds like different languages.
And almost different voices, absolutely different voices, but you recognize it as the sound of a gibbering mouther or two of them.
Did you guys hear that?
Make a nature check if you want to know anything more about them.
Boy do I because they sound great just based on the name.
Delightful.
Do we get to make that nature check if we don't know what it was to begin with?
Flint hasn't told you anything about it yet.
It's OK.
It was a terrible roll.
Oh, nat 20.
Oh hey yo.
I think we don't want to get too close to these things.
What are they?
They're called gibbering mouthers.
Flattering name.
That sounds terrible.
Yeah, well they're hideous to look at for starters, but then they can also mess with your mind.
So careful here.
Great.
This lich, I don't understand his design aesthetic.
So beautiful when he got here.
The library, the bathroom, the nicest bathroom in the whole world.
I feel like that was a librarian.
Yeah, I feel like that could be the influence of the greeter there.
You're right.
The rest has been very consistently completely disgusting.
Wallace.
Just echoed on the wind.
Wallace, sorry we forgot you Wallace.
OK, so in this room.
So you're standing at like the top tier and it descends down and there are stalagmites.
Three of them on the first tier, two on the second, two on the bottom most tier.
And then it all kind of it all narrows down to a passageway down at the bottom of these tiers.
Do we just plug our ears and go?
Perhaps.
OK, let's do it.
Let's just.
Yeah.
Let's go.
So you're all plugging your ears and moving down these deep trenches, which are 10 feet high.
Easily easy to scale.
But so we are.
I'm having a hard time visualizing this place.
It's like it's like a call it like picture it like a coliseum.
So each tier moves down another 10 feet.
OK, and we are at the bottom.
You're at the top.
Oh, we are at the top.
And down at the bottom, it narrows to an opening.
And then there are these stalagmites sticking up in each of these tiers.
Neat.
OK.
Well, we can't actually climb down these with our hands covering our ears.
So I take my hands off my ears and I start to climb down.
Because we can see, right, that they end and that there is the place we need to go.
All right, I'm going down.
I'm yelling timber.
OK, you go down first and you land next to one of these stalagmites.
And the gibbering gets louder as you descend down this 10 foot.
I start to hum loudly.
Make a wisdom saving throw.
But I'm humming so loud.
Yeah.
I'm curious what you're humming, though.
I mean, I think Kesha.
Yeah, it's in my head now.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry.
A wisdom saving throw.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
How about a 26?
Whoa.
You hear the babbling get louder and you turn and you instantly see this gaping mob for you.
You know, describe what you see.
Oh, well, it's a little bit of kind of a red goop monster.
So it seems it seems very kind of like how I like maybe like putty like silly putty that's been molded into this.
Like it has this horrific Lee long, tall mouth and like little like gooey bits that come off of it.
And it's got like a mouth on its knee and it's got like this big blobby torso, several mouths in there, too.
Also, it looks like several sets of teeth, kind of like alien like mouth within the mouth situation here.
It's yuck.
Delicious.
I go.
It's yuck.
Roll for initiative.
Hi.
Twenty one.
What?
What is happening?
Five.
Twelve.
Go, Thea.
Thea casts fairy fire on this creature and it envelops it in a violet light.
And if it fails, any creature in the area, blah, blah, blah.
OK, has to make a dexterity saving throw.
Nineteen.
Oh, yeah.
OK, then more more dexterous.
You would you would think that blob would be.
Really, you wouldn't think a monster comprised of mouths would be very dexterous.
I rolled a nat 20.
And then I just say fine.
That's that's what you do.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no, that's not all I do.
I get to go more than one time.
I know this.
I'm going to know how close is it to me.
It's like right in front of you.
Oh, can I use my can I use my shield to jab at it?
Sure.
What would that make a d6?
Well, I need to roll to attack.
Plus strength, strength.
OK.
Well, you got to roll to attack first.
So plus strength.
Nineteen.
That will hit it.
One d6.
Plus nothing.
Plus strength.
Five.
OK.
It it you hit it and it like cracks a tooth inside one of its mouths and it shrieks and babbles.
Everybody else you looking down on this, you saw this one of these stalagmites turn from turn from ground into this thing.
As Thea rams her shield into it and use Thea need to make a dexterity saving throw as it releases this like chemical spittle from its mouth.
It goes towards your eyes and you close them in time and cover with your shield.
And you hear like sizzle on the other side of your shield as it rolls down.
I turn the shield around and I see it's marred the beautiful intricate designs on the front and I'm just like you fucking.
And it reaches out to bite you for a 14.
Not going to be it.
I jump back.
Cool.
Flint.
All right.
Am I still like up above this thing?
Yes, sir.
Thea was the one who specified she went down first.
So you like fly from above.
Yeah.
I mean some sort of jumping flying axe attack sounds good.
Sure.
Yeah.
It's only an attack.
OK.
Or I guess I wonder what would be better for me to use whether it's the axe.
Now we're going to go the moist tongue long sword.
Russ.
I mean it's a tried and true method.
So as I jump and I like put the sword so that I have like both hands on the hilt and I'm like going to drive it down.
I yell the word moist as I go.
I like it.
And I guess roll to hit sir.
Well that should be all right.
That is a 26 to hit.
Yep.
You got it.
That is 14 damage and then some extra cold damage.
An extra six.
So 20 all said and done.
OK.
You stabbed down deep into this the flesh of this monster and it tries to like bite up at your hand.
Your sword is embedded inside of it.
I mean you can take maybe take an action to try and withdraw it and then you'd have another action because you have 18 actions right.
I do have 18 actions.
Yeah.
So I guess I'll pull the sword out with one other action and I will attack it again with the moist tongue long sword.
Right.
That's a 19 that time.
Roll with some damage.
Six and five is 11 plus an extra five.
So 16 damage.
You slice into it deep and you feel it kind of wrap around.
You feel it wrap around the sword and the flesh around it is freezing and decaying as it does so and it tries to pull you in to one of its mouths.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
17.
You manage to get free but you release your sword and it gets enveloped in.
And then as the cold seeps into its skin it rolls down to the floor which does not bounce to the next tier but it's down on the floor.
Yen bull.
How tall is this room.
Where you are standing it's probably only 10 or 15 feet tall but at the lowest point it's another 10 20 30 45 feet.
So 15 feet where you are 25 where this thing is.
Right.
So what is that 30 50 feet total.
Yeah.
40 feet total.
Maths hard.
Right.
Okay.
And how is the thing doing.
It is bleeding and teeth have been knocked out and like huge gouges have been taken out of it.
But yeah like decaying decaying flesh from the cold damage of the sword.
So it's you know it's had better days.
Perfect.
Then I am going to.
So there's a bunch of those other still like nights right.
There are several more.
So I might want to be proactive since we know that those turn into the creatures right.
I mean that is certainly what it appears certainly how how it appears.
So I am going to.
Let's give that a shot.
Yeah I'm just going to cast thunder wave at one of the other stalagmites that is closest to me.
OK.
That one said Dex save on my part.
It is a data data data.
It's not what I was going to do but the things hurt so I don't want to waste some real rad on it.
Mm hmm.
Call and save.
OK.
Describe to me what your thunder wave looks like.
Well I guess since we're sort of in an underground cavern like the air moves but because I am directing it at ground it would almost be more like an earthquake I think as it hit this stalagmite with thunderous force.
I see the it ripple through the space and hits the stalagmite and it begins to crumble and crush and explodes out into the room as dust and pebble.
Oh well sort of anticlimactic but yay.
Unless you yeah unless it really was a creature and you killed it it just.
Yeah no that's what I mean I'm going to assume that's what happened.
That's all I get to do.
I only have one attack.
Amy hadn't clued in that it was previously potentially a stalagmite.
And so.
See it looks up to you and goes like.
Yes we had the advantage of watching from above like as the thing turned into the thing you didn't.
I mean it's it makes sense that you wouldn't have known that's what was happening.
What that giant rock do to you Yen Bull.
Okay we're to Manix.
They're going to draw their mace and move down towards the the stalagmite that you just exploded and try and make their way down to the next tier so they're going to make it down to the next tier which is more of a clear opening.
So there it looks like they're trying to make their way down to this opening down at the bottom here by bypassing as many of the stalagmites as possible.
Yeah.
You rang this hurt things in front of me.
Yeah it's looking pretty bad.
And flints beside me and flint is beside you.
Cool you know just so I don't hurt him.
I don't think you can hurt.
I think it's entirely possible in theory.
I mean magically maybe but.
Yeah sure.
Well I'm going to cast Toll the Dead and I'm going to point my finger at the what's it called again.
Jibbering Mouther.
And we hear that awful bell sound ringing in the air and the target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw.
Or take 1d12 necrotic damage.
Oh go fuck yourself.
You just go fuck yourself.
Or nothing happens yet again.
I can't wait to transcribe that right.
Natty 20.
Whatever.
Nobody cares Russ.
I did.
Nobody likes your trick die Russ.
Yeah Russ.
Metallic Dice Games dot com.
You can go use the promo code dragons.
Can you take a look at that die and just make sure it's not 20 on every die.
Oh it didn't even occur to me.
No it rolled a six.
It's fine.
That sounds right.
Okay sounds like a legitimate dice.
Second time.
Sorry Russ.
What was the promo code for Metallic Dice Games dot com.
Can you use promo code dragons 10% off and get these sweet dice that roll really well.
That apparently rolled lots of 20.
Yeah it's the misfit metallic dice.
Check it out.
Metallic Dice Games dot com.
It's the middle time.
Oh I haven't sung that in forever.
It's been so long.
Gosh nobody's taking summer vacation anymore.
Well is that because it's not summer anymore.
Yeah no.
Yeah I'm not taking a summer vacation again until like for like a year.
Okay we've got that out of the way.
Oh we missed you guys and we're back.
We can't wait to share all the great stories like this shopping cart episode.
Can you believe it.
Just waiting in line.
There's trash monsters.
You know shows when they come back after a month long break usually bring you like a real humdinger.
A real whammy.
Yeah they try to like wrap up a cliffhanger or something but no shopping carts and garbage monsters.
Yeah that's what we did.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
This is the middle of the episode.
Classic Dumbgeons.
We can't apologize for what we did several months ago but that's where the schedule landed.
So what we want to tell you about today is directed to you our patrons.
Patrons who live over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We've got this this great survey that we've got going around over there.
In fact it's what we call a community survey where we want to hear what you think about what we're offering on Patreon.
We want to give you more of the stuff you like and less of the stuff you don't like.
So we'd really appreciate it.
You just filled out the survey.
It's very short and easy.
It's really easy.
And then we would have a better idea.
Then we can maybe give you more of the stuff you're hungry for.
And if there's something that you know you're not super digging in there.
Those are options in the in the survey.
You can let us know.
This survey that we want you to fill out it's going to dictate what we've got coming forward from October into next year.
So please have your say if you are a patron of ours.
If you're not we'd love for you to come join us as well.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now let's get back to the episode.
See how much more shopping carts we can find in this lich's lair.
It's probably more than you think.
Trash on trash on trash.
You've done promo-ing during my turn.
See he looks down at her.
Seemed like a good opportunity.
And is like this is the third spell that has I think completely fallen flat for Thea and is like the fuck.
Hey Flint do you have a weapon I can borrow or something.
Not to ask.
No you totally are.
You don't have a weapon.
No.
I have I have an oath bow.
Shield.
You don't have like a scimitar from like when we were playing around the table.
Come on.
Yeah.
Backpack bed roll high leather long bow sling tinderbox.
I think I remember there was a point that you dropped a bunch of shit because you were like all druid-y and bullshit.
Oh right because metal didn't.
Working with the nature of like no I don't want it.
Ah regrets.
I've had a few.
Regrets.
But then again there's a gibbering mouth.
Fucking have a pass without a trace potion.
It's in my character sheet.
You've been afraid to use it.
Well I actually didn't think I had it.
Okay.
Hey hey hey.
I do have a two handed great axe if you want.
May I.
Yeah.
Thanks.
It is 2d12 for damage.
Jesus Christ.
Plus your strength and not proficiency because you're not proficient.
Yeah.
Well I rolled a one.
So I think I lifted up over my head and it's heavy and it goes back.
And you just fall back over.
And I've fallen over backwards.
And I don't know can a gibbering mouther laugh.
Yeah it sounds babbling but you get that it's laughing like hardcore and spitting up blood as it does so.
I get up and I rub my lower back and I'm like fuck you.
Flint your turn.
No it's the gibbering mouthers turn.
It's going to go for Flint.
It's not going to go for Thea.
No it feels bad for you.
But that's only a 10 as it tries to bite out.
It's like laughing so hard.
So hard.
And now it's your turn.
All right.
I will.
Yeah I guess I'll use my rod of lordly might and I'll turn it into a battle axe and I will attack with it.
All right.
And I will also use the paralyze function on it Russ.
OK.
I know what you're thinking.
What.
You have a function on that.
There's three different things.
I didn't even know you could paralyze something with it.
Well it's amazing what happens when you look at your character sheet right Amy.
Who knew.
We're learning things today on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're doing so good today.
OK to hit that one is.
Oh wait that's the wrong window.
Hang on.
All right.
Oh well that's a lovely plus 13 to hit.
So that's a 21 to hit.
So tell me tell me what you do.
I am going to roll damage and then I'm going to go back to the other page.
What tells me what to do with this paralyze function.
That is 16 damage.
I mean you can tell me what it does but that exactly kills it.
Oh OK.
Well maybe I'll save the bonus action for another time.
Perfect change.
Yeah.
I imagine Flint turns around like hey guys I can take care of this and then you just stab into it.
And everybody's like yeah.
He's done this before folks.
I'm like you have to pick up your axe.
I can't.
Do I have like a pocket dagger or something.
Maybe like a Swiss Army knife or something similarly small.
Sure.
I'll keep an eye out for like a little short sword or something.
You survey the scene around you.
Manix has gone down another step and everybody make a perception check.
I'm going to pick up my moist on long sword.
And so just to clarify there is we can hear creatures but we can see no other creatures.
The stalagmites are still just stalagmites.
Yes the babbling has still continued.
It's softer now but you still hear it.
24.
And sorry what are we rolling.
Perception.
18.
But also I have an idea about what I'd like to do.
But first tell us what we perceive.
Sure.
I had a seven so tell Carla what she perceives.
Everybody except Flint notices that down on the bottom tier where there were two stalagmites.
One of them appears to have moved more closely since you've entered to the cavern opening down at the bottom of this.
So I imagine they pick up their stalagmite skirts and walk forward.
And the little legs.
They only have ten feet of movement so it's slow just between actions.
Until suddenly it's right up on you.
Yeah and all of you who notice this you look at it and you know.
But that's the only thing that's changed in this room other than the exploded stalagmite and the dead gibbering mouth.
I have a suggestion.
Since the stalagmites seem to turn into the creatures.
Perhaps we could just get on the magic carpet fly down to the hole avoid all the stalagmites and get out of this room.
I'm on board.
Literally and figuratively.
Flint just kind of has this look on his face like we could have ridden the carpet the whole time.
I mean honestly.
I thought about it at the beginning and then I thought well that's not it's not very fun if all we do is get on a magic carpet and ride all the time.
But at this point.
Yeah you know what's in this room.
We know what's going on.
We can have outsmarted it.
But yeah otherwise it's like K.
Ross we just ride the magic carpet through the hole built.
A used path without a trace.
Yeah like it's let's make it more fun.
Let's blow up a stalagmite even though our friends don't know why we're doing it.
It was confusing but it's very good.
You all climb aboard the magic carpet.
Every time you turn and look back this once the lag might has moved a little bit more.
You're not fooling anyone.
That's what I yell at it.
Is it like the ghosts in Mario when you turn around and look at them they like stop.
Exactly exactly.
You fly down into this opening down at the bottom over top of the.
Other gibbering mouth or who you see form back into the gibbering mouth or kind of look defeated and then form back into a stalagmite.
And then begin to move back to its other location slowly as you disappear into this cavern below it narrows and gets down to about 15 feet.
You're still able to all stand atop the magic carpet if you so desire.
Yes.
Flying through.
Well sitting.
I feel like I'd sit.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe I push my luck.
Maybe a little bode point break here.
I don't know.
I feel like sometimes I probably would but since.
Yeah we don't know what's coming.
There's narrow caverns.
It seems like I don't want to like get clothesline myself.
Also you fall off.
I believe this carpet just drops out of the air.
Yeah probably.
That's cool.
OK.
You're all sitting on the magic carpet as the Russ is like oh that's good to know.
Just writing something down completely unrelated to nothing has to do with it.
And then this chamber quickly opens up as you slow your pace and enter a new area where there are.
There is a slab of jet black stone that sits at the center of this cavern alcove.
Its sides show relief carvings of familiar old faces.
You look at them a little more closely and they're your own faces.
Do those look like.
This looks like.
This looks like us it doesn't it.
I don't remember sitting for this.
But like they did a really good job with aged me though like two hundred and fifty years.
You look very distinguished as an older elf.
Oh thanks Yen Bull.
You've aged nicely yourself.
I feel we should not touch anything because.
Yeah yeah we should never touch anything in here.
This is not piles of garbage but it is magical and dangerous in that way I suspect.
It is a sneaky kind of danger.
Yes.
OK.
Can we look around and see an exit.
There's no exit.
Of course not.
Is there an exit up.
I look up.
Negative.
There's a sign that says if you want to exit touch your own portrait.
Everybody make an investigation check in this room.
Just going to say can I investigate.
Not great guys.
Not great.
Oh well I got a four.
So thank God.
This is the Flint.
Flint knows all.
Flint knows stuff.
Flint's a real smart guy.
Flint knows all and Rust dodges all of Amy's spells.
I didn't mean to.
It just happened.
It's fine.
Let's just not talk about it.
I didn't mean to know everything but I keep.
I know.
This is your underground.
This is your this is your home.
Oh this is.
This is.
Seems underground.
Underground in a floating pyramid.
It seems like you're underground in a floating pyramid.
Also Tom I think that's how I live my life.
I didn't mean to know everything.
It just happened.
It's not my fault I knew everything.
You Flint look around the room and you find no signs of egress and you look closely
not touching but closely at the table and you watch it and periodically it alters the
carvings on it.
You see the faces as you entered and as you move around the table they seem to follow
you and you see writings form between all of these movements.
Can I read what the writings say?
Is it a language I'm familiar with?
Maybe it is in do you know Elvish Elvin?
I do not.
This looks like do you see the writing that happens on the table it looks like maybe
Elvish but I really only need the or I really only know the the word for friend
and bathroom.
No I don't know that one.
All right.
Oh that oh that would explain a lot.
Okay it says you look at it and it looks like an old form of Elvish.
So you make out touch transport and level touch transport level and then I can't it's
it's in an archaic script.
We don't write like this anymore.
Touch transport level.
Can I roll something?
I also speak Elvish can I roll something to see if I can understand?
Sure.
Yeah make it make it make an intelligence check.
It's not great.
Can you use history or?
Oh history is good.
History could be good.
I'm an anthropologist you see.
I like learning about things.
Did we know that about you?
No because we you guys don't know me at all.
We came and then the city was exploding.
There's been a lot of adventure.
You look at it and you see the words that touch transport level and you piece them
together into a phrase that loosely translates to when you touch this portal you will
transport yourself to the next level.
And you can also make out you will be one step closer to the edge.
And I'm about to break.
No you will be one step closer.
You will be one step closer.
This promises to move us to the next level but what level?
Well level of the pyramid.
Level of Shangalar's twisted mind.
I think those might be one in the same thing.
You might be right.
I feel like maybe we're on the bottom level of the pyramid and we have to find this
room on each level that will maybe transport us up to the next level.
Yes we must be on the bottom all we find is garbage.
Trash.
Fair enough.
Refuse.
It's got to go down.
That's true.
It all flows downhill.
I think we should all touch at the same time just in case we somehow get separated.
Yes.
No we don't have like a freaky Friday situation here.
Would you love to be in this body for a day?
It can turn into any animal you want.
Okay.
Describe to me the process in which you for Senkumbaya.
I don't know.
We shuffle to find our own face so that we're standing.
Yeah it would make sense to touch your own face.
It would be weird to touch someone else's old carved face.
Yep.
Okay.
Kind of reach slowly out with everyone at the same pace and like look at each
other like is this happening?
I reach to my side and I grab the back of like whoever's so like Yen Bull's shirt.
Yeah we'll say it goes Thea, Yen Bull, Flint, Mannix.
So I reach.
I don't think to reach out and grab anyone's shirt.
I reach out to grab.
Can I reach that far?
Sure.
I thought it was all on the same side I didn't realize it was on.
Yeah they've been moving around as I described.
Yeah just you know I said just in case.
Do we say three?
Two?
Thought someone else was gonna jump in there.
One.
You all touch the table at the same time and the floor drops out beneath you like
a rushing wave of wind.
It's like you're being propelled up into the sky.
And then in a flash you're in a stonewalled hallway.
It's torch lit all the way down.
You look down one way and it ends in a dead end.
You look down the other way.
It goes down 10 to 16 meters.
Another hallway.
How refreshing.
Are we all here?
We look around.
Are we all there?
I'm here.
All four of you are there and Thea you hear something.
Are we here?
Hurry. Hurry.
Gotta go. Gotta go fast.
Gotta go.
Gotta go really quick.
Okay boys.
Ah.
Shh.
And then down at the end of the hallway you see a pseudo dragon zip by.
And then come back and looks down towards you and zip.
Holy fucking shit!
Donnie!
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Have a great week and we'll talk soon.
And I also pull out the last of that bread and the smelly cheese and put it on the top as the cherry on the garbage sundae.
I'm hungry already.
I feel like cherry on the garbage sundae has got to be the title of the episode.
Yep, absolutely.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.