previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons
I grab him by the shoulder. Don't you miss the adventure, Shu?
I do miss the adventure, Tully. And yes, it is a big sword, boot.
Like I said, I know that you're risking... I don't want you to get in trouble or lose your job.
No, I'm not worried about that. I can find another job in a heartbeat.
Let's leave the way!
We leave through the actual door. I assume exchanging looks of concern.
And I whisper back, like, we'll take care of him. He'll be fine. Poor guy.
He might be a good lookout. It'll be fine.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
And with me today is Carla Maxted.
That is me. I play Glim or do I play Slim? Both. Glim as Slim.
And Amy More.
That's me and I play Sully or is it Tully?
Gonna find out. And last but not least, Tom Laird.
And I play Boot. But usually Moot.
Just the conversion is complete. Just Boot now.
You know, be the change you want to see in the world.
To really become one with the character.
That's right.
We need more boots in the world.
Need more boot?
This boot is made for walk-in.
Ho! That's just what we're gonna do on this boat with our new friend ShoeLeftHand
who is a NPC who has contributed to us by one of our patrons, John Creighton.
Thank you, John. Thanks, John.
When you are a patron at the in-world tier, you can suggest NPCs and items
for our characters to run across and acquire.
And we would love to have you over there.
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
When you are a patron, you also get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Deesa.
Thanks, Deesa.
Thank you, Deesa.
Thank you.
And now, after you go check that out, Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
Fuck it! Let's play D&D!
You know, you're standing on the dock, looking up at the ship.
You've had a moment to kind of survey the scene,
see if you can see anybody walking to, fro, anywhere around.
There are two gangplanks that you can walk up to from the dock.
On the deck of the ship, you can see two or three people walking perimeters
doing routine checks, from what you can tell.
We see the four silhouetted figures standing, looking up at the golden dragon.
How big is the ship? You said it was a big ship, but like...
Yup.
That is what I said.
Like, when we're standing on the dock, we can see onto the deck, like...
Yeah, how tall is the ship?
So the gangplank goes up at, you know, like...
It's quite tall.
A 30-degree angle or...
More like a 45.
That'd be a very steep angle.
It's quite steep.
Yeah, maybe like 25, 30 degrees.
This is not super duper tall.
Not super tall.
Tall enough, though.
Like, it's long and wide.
Not super tall.
You can see port windows that lead you to believe that there is
one lower deck that you can justify.
And the two gangplanks are, like, equidistant along the body of the boat?
Yup.
Okay.
So it's not like...
There's not a front door and a back door.
There's just two mid-deck gangplanks.
Yes, exactly.
As you're kind of surveying what you're looking at, Shu speaks up,
and he's like, and they've got...
There's, like, when they offload, there's a thing at the back there
where the cargo comes out, like a big door.
Like a chute?
Well, no, like a door that opens and you can pull things out of.
Like a garage?
What's a garage?
It's something where the door goes up and you can put things in it.
Then, yeah, it's exactly like a garage.
Okay, cool.
Okay.
I don't know where the open switch is, if it has a switch
or if it's like a lever or if it's a...
You just push it.
Well, we'll see it on our tour, I guess, right?
I guess you'll see it on your tour.
All right, so where do you want me set up for...
Well, if you were going to get on the ship for a tour,
you've probably been on, like, a million boats, so...
At least.
Where do you think...
Or would, like, the coolest stuff be?
Well, what kind...
I mean, whatever.
Front door, back door, I don't know.
Well, I mean, generally, there's ways to get in.
The way this one looks like it's designed
is maybe there's, like, a staircase up at the...
up at the nose there.
Maybe there's...
That, like, goes down, like,
so we can see all, like, the cool merch
and stuff that there's...
Well, it doesn't go up.
You're a funny guy.
Yeah.
See, you're right.
But, like, that's where they keep all the cool stuff.
What kind of cool stuff are you looking for?
Well, like...
I don't know, just cool stuff.
Just, like, boat stuff, ship things.
Well, because you said they, like,
all were, like, wizardy stuff and stuff.
Like, I ain't never seen stuff like that before.
You're looking for the...
for the cargo.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the cool stuff.
Oh, well, that's at the back.
I said the...
That's the cool stuff.
Well, I mean, we're really easily entertained.
So we could, like, start at the back
and then move our way forward in our tour?
Yeah, if you can get down there at the back.
I don't know what kind of access points
they have to get down below deck.
Like I said, it looks like there's a staircase,
judging where they keep coming up and down.
There's a staircase there,
but I don't see anybody disappear in midship.
Doesn't mean there's not some sort of
porthole or anything, but...
A portal?
Tully doesn't like portals.
I really don't.
No, a port, porthole.
Oh, a hole on the port side.
Oh, okay, porthole, not portal.
Right, right, right, right.
Okay, cool.
What about...
I mean, you're used to, like, being out here
on the dock and looking casual
and just, like, looking at your clipboard.
Tully nonchAlydint and stuff.
Kicking his feet.
Being totally cool and chill and, like...
Yeah, yeah.
You know, like a dock specialist.
So probably you don't really...
You just need to stay, like,
kind of in front of the boat.
You don't need to be, like,
in front of that specific gangplank
where we're gonna go up, right?
Sure.
You just need to, like, look normal.
Hey, are you an artist?
Am I an artist?
Like, pictures?
Yeah.
Paintings?
No, more like sketches.
Sure.
Sketches, caricatures?
Yeah.
No.
Well, I was just...
Why was you thinking?
Like, as you're out here,
because it might just...
I mean, no one's gonna say anything,
because, I mean, it's you.
But you could, like, have your clipboard out,
piece of blank paper,
maybe start drawing the boat.
And who knows?
Maybe you might find something,
like, really fulfilling in that.
Oh.
Right?
Then maybe I could trade somebody for it.
Oh.
Like, I could trade them the picture.
For sure.
Something.
Yeah.
Like, money.
Yeah.
Totally.
But, I mean, that's also a good,
like, undercover thing.
What are you doing out here?
Just sketching the boat.
You awesome guy.
Just sketching the ins and outs
of this boat here.
No, not the ins and outs.
Just, like, the beautiful curvature
of the lines of the boat.
Right.
And the sunset,
the dusky sky at the back.
Right?
Right, yeah.
Be an art...
Shape.
Yeah, like, artistic stuff.
That's right.
Shape.
Be the artiologist.
An artiologist.
Yeah.
It's a new...
I haven't heard of that job before.
It sounds very...
doc specialist.
Totally.
Artiologist.
Doc specialist.
Yeah, maybe you're a DSA now
instead of just a DS.
Dang.
Getting a longer title
out of this whole thing.
Shoes...
What did we call our group?
Shoes Four?
Shoes...
Shoes Crew.
Right.
I forgot from when we walked
over here.
Yeah, well, it was kind of
a long walk.
Yeah.
I'm still surprised
you three aren't as
drink as I am.
Well, I do that whole thing
where I have one
and then I have
a lot of water
and then I have one
and then I have
a lot of water
because I learned
that if I throw up
all over...
all over Boots Boots
over here,
he gets kind of mad.
He gets so mad.
He's a real chill dude
until you throw up
all over him.
He does seem chill.
True.
Chill dude.
All right.
Well, I try not to
throw up on your Boots Boots.
Boots.
I mean, all I can do
is ask that you try.
I will try.
All right.
I'm going to...
You got your pencil.
He pulls out his clipboard.
And so he starts
looking at the ship
but not looking at the ship
and like sketching
and looking over his shoulder.
Man, you look so fucking natural.
Thank you.
I'm going to just
try and blend in here.
I mean, you don't have to
try that hard.
You belong here.
Don't over-sell it.
You work here.
Hey, yeah, I work here.
I work here.
You don't need to yell though.
That's all right.
Because now you're just
drawing attention to yourself.
Okay, let's go you guys.
Do we want to go
all up one plank
or should we
go separately?
I don't know.
Maybe stay together.
I don't know.
I think we should stay together
because it's a pretty big boat.
And what if we go in the back
and then we find like
all the stuff right away
and then one person's up there
and...
Fair enough.
That'd be silly.
Okay.
Good point.
Good idea, Slim.
Let's go.
We sneak up toward the back.
We want to go
up the plank.
Yeah, near more
where the cargo would be.
Okay.
You go up the plank
more near the back of the ship.
Everybody make a
stealth roll.
I mean, you've been watching this.
Yeah, make a straight stealth roll.
I mean, I assume we'll wait
and we're like,
if there's guards walking around,
we wait until they're not
standing right there.
We've established that you've
been watching the rotation.
Well, we've been watching
this boat since it docked.
Yes.
Also true.
20.
17.
No, do I have a plus?
I do not.
17.
So that's a 16 for me.
All right.
You get up to the top
of the plank
and kind of peek your heads over.
You watch and you see...
You time it just so that
you see one of the crew
kind of walking down to the far end.
And once you're up to the top,
you see that there's a bit of a rise
to another platform.
Everybody make an investigation.
Investigation.
You're not going to be able to
sit there for very long.
Perception.
That's a three.
Perceptigation.
That's a seven.
Oh, that's a 19.
Thank God.
So the three of you get up
and you're quickly surveying around.
You see this rise that kind of
is like right in front of where
the plank comes onto the ship,
about 10 feet over.
Then there's a bit of a run down
to where the wheel is
and the mast in the center of the ship.
I'm going to assume that you're going to run
kind of over to there
because that's where cover is.
And as you're going over,
you notice that there are two
hidden doors, for lack of a better term,
in the floor as you kind of
as you're back up against where this
where the steering wheel is.
And you hear footsteps coming up
from the front,
walking back towards your position.
Are we sheltered from where
this person's walking?
Like if we're,
are they on the other side of it
compared to where we are?
Yes.
So they're walking up the far side
from where you were standing
and coming aboard.
But yeah, there's like a five foot rise.
So you're all kind of hunched duck down.
So no one can see you currently,
but Moot, you see those two
doors in the floor.
I make like the shush motion
and then I point at the doors in the floor
and I kind of give like a
shrug, like should we go for this?
Mm hmm.
And then I feel like we maybe like
exchange glances and then like
Nod.
Thumbs up.
Yeah.
I point to
glim
and then I make strong muscle.
Oh, right.
Yep.
Because you might be the one
who would lift it.
Okay.
Because, you know, usually they're
made of solid wood and are heavy,
I would assume.
Yeah, it's probably probably
just dead lifting from the ground.
It's probably heavy.
Yeah.
You do that in your sleep.
That's right.
And if it doesn't let go
of your donkey, you can always
blast it in the face.
Always an option.
Let's light it on fire.
Okay.
Sorry.
You're going for the doors.
I say your stealth roles are
were high enough that you can get.
So you're going for the starboard
or port side?
I assume.
I guess what I was picturing
is we came up onto the port side
of the boat.
Is that?
You came up on the starboard side.
Starboard side.
Usually right side of the boat docks.
I'm learning so much.
It's going to be very nautical
because if you're looking at the
front of the ship, it's the right side.
So they're so they're
equidistant from the current
position where you are.
You're kind of in the middle of
the boat.
Steering wheel behind you.
Mast going up.
Person walking is coming up the
port side from the bow.
So equidistant from you kind of
between this rise that you saw
and the steering wheel are the
two doors in the floor.
One on the port, one on the
starboard.
Well, if the person is on the
port side, then I assume we're
going to try and open the one
on the starboard side, it seems
like.
You pop it open.
It kind of creaks a little bit,
but not much more than just the
sound of the ship rocking against
the dock.
And it's a ladder that goes
down to the deck below.
You go down, followed by.
I'll go second.
OK, Moot goes second.
Sully, make a stealth roll
because you're up the longest.
Oh, I'm glad I went second.
Oh, it's a nat 20.
You've got that good decks.
27.
And as Moot's going down, you
like practically are like right
on top of him.
Getting a shoulder ride down.
But I've turned into a sheep
again and he is riding me
every time.
But getting in right behind
them, pulling the door closed
and just as the door closed,
the footsteps come up the
side and you see a crewman
looking to the side and then
walking back down doing his
patrol.
You swiftly move down the
ladder and come down into a
hallway that moves bow to
stern and there are several
door.
Yeah, several you can see in
some of them.
There are several open doors
that look like they are just
cots sleeping quarters that
extend at least on the
starboard side that you are
on from your location.
This hallway goes and it
kind of looks like a dead
end that at least turns
towards the bow and then
a more open area that extends
to the back.
I mean, we could have maybe
like popped into the hall,
saw that it all looked like
sleeping quarters and then
kept going because we know
we're looking for like a
cargo hold, right?
I agree.
So yeah, you check out this
deck and then you keep going
down the ladder.
Everybody make a perception
check as you're going down.
I'm not very perceptive.
Four.
Fourteen.
Oh, it's a 17.
It should be all right
regardless of bonus.
OK, Glim, you're still first
going down.
I think so.
You're quickly but cautiously
going down the ladder
further down into the cargo.
What you can see now as the
cargo deck.
As you step down, you feel
kind of a pressure on your
foot and you stop before you
step completely and you lift
it.
And there is a trip wire on
the last rung of the ladder.
Guys, bottom step.
Don't step on the bottom step,
OK?
What did she say?
No bottom step.
You want my bottom out of
your face?
What?
No, no.
I mean, yes, but no, the
bottom step is don't step
on it.
OK.
And I get off the ladder so
my friends can continue down.
You step off.
And as everybody steps down
and begins to survey the
scene that they are in, it
is the area you come down
into is wide open.
Further back, there are
crates.
And even further back than
that, you see cages and
like slatted boxes that you
can see scrolls or rolled
up and rolled up maps.
You see different crates
filled with grains, casks of
wine, stacks of lumber
further back into the cargo
area.
If you begin walking
around.
I say cautiously.
So I guess basically it's all
just like an open, big
storage room.
Yes.
I want to look for traps
as I walk around.
Just to be safe.
Are you investigating for
traps?
Sure.
Yeah.
As I'm looking at box
tops.
The 14.
14 starts with a D.
You're looking around all at
the boxes.
You don't find any traps
beyond the one that Glim
notified you of.
Do you do anything with that
trap or do you leave it as
is?
I think we probably just
leave it as is now that we
know that it's there.
Can we tell what kind of trap
it is?
Is it attached to like
there are going to be bolts
that shoot out at us or is it
fire?
Does it look like it would be
like unleash a canister of
poison?
Just in case we trip into it
because who knows because
it's us.
It's true.
I want to know what's
coming our way.
We could just trip.
We could literally trip the
trip wire.
Yeah.
You follow the trip wire and
it leads back to a mechanism
that is often to the wall
behind where the ladder stops
down and it looks like it has
a mechanism that when
released you find that
blades come out of a plank
and it looks like it would
line up with your shins.
Ouch.
Talk about a bad day,
right?
I can't afford to be any
shorter.
I don't want to die.
That's crotch height for me,
you guys.
That's no good.
Okay.
So we need.
Okay.
So we're looking for a
circlet,
six alchemical jugs with a
Steinadegon on it and then
some herbs.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's probably not any of
the big ones with grain.
At least let's not start
there and probably not like
in a cage,
although I'm a bit nervous
about what's in those.
Probably in like some
crates maybe.
Yeah.
Like it's going to be like
boxes inside a box,
right?
Okay.
Yeah.
Are they labeled?
Can I look at some crates
and see if they're labeled?
Because that would make it
very easy.
It would make it easy.
For the love of God.
And for them as well.
Yeah.
No, I didn't mean for us,
like for sure for us,
but I mean unloading them
if they had to crack the top off.
Send them to different places.
Exactly.
They are labeled.
They are labeled with
merchant names.
That also makes sense.
Oh, right.
Right?
Like where they're going.
And as you're kind of
looking and moving,
cautiously moving about
the cargo hold,
you hear a noise
coming from back
and towards the cages.
It's like a low,
like brrrrrrr.
Mm-mm.
Nope.
What do you,
what do you think that is?
I think it's a cage.
Do you think that's someone
who works here,
or it's a wild animal
in a cage?
Yeah, I think it's a cage
full of nope.
If it's someone who works here,
I think they're sleeping
one off.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
Okay.
So these are only labeled
with people's names,
and I guess one person
could probably have a
random assortment of orders
inside the crate.
So maybe we should start
just opening some of these up
and seeing what's inside.
I guess.
I don't know what else to do.
I think we just have to
get our hands dirty
with this one.
I take out one of my daggers,
and I carefully try to open up
a crate nearest me.
You're trying to open it
so that it doesn't either break
or make a noise.
Yeah.
Sleight of hands.
Sleight of hand.
Yep.
Nineteen.
Yeah, you nimbly pop the lid
on this first crate,
and inside of it,
you see clay jugs from the top.
Oh, I carefully lift one out
to see if it has a sign
or a symbol on it.
Yeah, this scraping,
sliding sound of clay against clay.
I like that sound.
Which makes that...
So everyone knows.
Which makes that noise
that you heard at the back
go again like that...
Oh, Jesus.
It's chicken.
Is it chicken?
What's happening?
And you lift it,
and you cross-check the list
that Charmy gave you.
And the sign of Dagen
Again, looks like two rotund hills.
Boobies.
With interned peaks.
Nipples.
Floating on three waves.
And that's what you see on the jugs.
Oh, guys, take a look at my jugs.
Those are some good jugs.
I found the jugs.
Are those what we're looking for?
Yes.
Is there six of them there?
Yes, there are.
How big are the jugs?
Are they like small, like, oh my God.
Microphone.
We can be able to carry these out of here.
Are they like maple syrup jugs?
No, they're larger jugs.
Son of a bitch.
Like gallon jugs.
Was I given a bag of holding from her by any chance?
That cunt.
Maybe we should just put all the stuff
that we find over by the bottom of the stairs.
I assume the jugs have something in them.
Oh, I thought maybe they were in sloshing.
I also thought they were empty.
I thought like maybe this was a vessel used
for magic shit.
No, they're, they appear to be filled with liquid.
Oh great, so they're heavy.
Okay, all right.
Maybe we should put the stuff we find
over by where we want to go
and then we'll collect it all.
And then when we need to go, we can take it all.
That's a great idea.
I look around.
Do I see a burlap sack or three anywhere?
Odds you do, evens you don't.
Yes.
You do.
Hey guys, look, there's some burlap bags over here.
Okay, I'll put two in one, two in the other,
two in the other.
And you're right, let's put these to the side
and just keep filling our bags.
And that way one person doesn't have to carry
six of these jugs, they're heavy.
Okay, I'm going to attempt to open
the case that's nearest me to see what's inside.
Okay.
Is it a case that's nearest you?
I guess I'll do the sully method
and also go with a dagger.
Sure, go sleight of hand.
Okay.
Worked for me.
That is a seven, but Russ, I'm gonna reroll that
with one of my traits, which is tides of chaos.
Once per long rest, you gain an advantage
on one attack roll, ability check, or saving throw.
Before you regain use of this feature,
the DM can have you roll on the wild magic
certain table after you cast a first level or higher spell.
So basically, if you cast a spell at this point,
I can just have you roll.
For wild magic.
First level or higher, I can cast cantrips.
I mean, we did that anyways.
I don't see how that.
Yeah, but I mean, now it's like,
it's implied that it will happen
regardless of my next spell.
It triggers, I see, got it.
Well, I have to roll, so like.
But you roll, no, you're rolling
on the wild magic table, though.
Yes.
I think it happens.
So I guess if you make a first level spell or higher.
You have to take your wild magic wildest.
You gotta take a wild magic surge.
That's exciting.
This reroll better be worth it, y'all.
Is it?
Oh, it's a nat 20.
Oh, fuck yeah.
You're sneaky as shit.
Okay, yeah, you take a dagger
and creak open one of these crates,
hearing another noise from the back.
Rr, rr, rr, rr, rr.
I'm guessing frog chicken.
The name on the crate is Flows.
And it's just a bunch of tampons.
No, and inside you see a bunch of burlap bags,
like smaller bags, and inside of them
you can kind of feel herbs or leaves
or that sort of thing, and they are not labeled.
Will I know what they are by smell?
Make a nature chat.
Or maybe like a visual.
Yeah, gonna need a nature check
for anybody trying to determine herbs.
Make a smell-o-gram check.
Okay, I just rolled another nat 20.
What the hell? You know all the herbs.
No, this is what he does, don't you remember?
All the 20s are for him.
Yep, okay, yeah.
But like, yay, smelling things real well.
Yeah, your nose is so.
Describe to me why moot knows so much about these herbs
and how you go about determining
which ones are the Dream Flake,
what else did I write down?
Sitara, goji leaves, and sticks root.
I also had Sun Drop written down here,
which was in the original one,
but still, that doesn't really matter at this point.
Okay, question, Russ, are they all different
or are they all the same?
Of the ones you're going through,
there are several different ones.
Like it's a big crate filled with these bags.
Little satchel, sachets.
Yep.
Okay.
Well, back at home, old man Barclay
would often have me and my siblings
go out and gather him supplies
for the gin and various other alcohols
he would make with his homemade still.
So moot's pretty familiar with a lot of these
included in that sticks root, goji leaves, and Sun Drop.
So he knows those three real well
and can probably fake the other two if need be.
Okay, yeah, you're going through this
and you manage to pick out the goji leaves,
the sticks root, and the Sun Drop you're confident on.
You don't find, however, the dream flake in any of this.
You're not confident on any of them,
the ones you can't,
and you're not even sure that it's even in there.
Okay, so so far Sully has popped a crate stealthily
and found the six alchemical jugs.
It appears moot has found all but one
of these specific herbs requested.
Oh, and we close up our crates after.
We're not just gonna leave this place like ransacked.
We're not animals.
Yeah, so when they. We're just thieves.
They won't even notice until it like, you know,
in a month the customer's gonna be like,
you missed my dream flake in my shipment.
You know. And they'll just be like, damn.
So walking around their glim,
you see several similar sized crates
to the ones that have already been opened.
They're larger.
I don't know, three or four feet by three or four feet.
The further back you go just before you get
to those crates or to the cages,
you see smaller crates kind of tucked back in
and past those crates and some underneath them.
Okay, well maybe I will open one of those smaller ones.
I feel like the circlet's like it's jewelry
maybe wouldn't be, you know, in a huge crate full of jewelry.
It's a small, small volume.
Well you need to take care with those, so.
Exactly, and they're more precious, I would assume.
So yeah, I assume it's just like random names
on all the things.
It doesn't say like Jim and Sons Jewelers.
Oh, it might, wouldn't it?
It might. It might.
It does say business names.
It does say merchant names.
Yeah, sure, let's make a roll
and see if there's something that stands out.
Car luck, great idea.
Okay, um.
Maybe.
Perception, investigation.
Probably an investigation, or yeah, sure.
Oh, I rolled a 20.
No, you didn't.
Yes.
Okay, keep the train going.
Oh, don't put that kind of pressure on me.
Oh my God.
It's our best rolls that we've ever had.
So good, we're investigating and finding herbs
like nobody's business.
So a couple things happen here.
So you're walking back and you're getting to those cages
and as you look into the cages, you see,
it's almost like a triangular creature
with leathery, like leathery,
what you could call wings that kind of come to a peak
and there's this wrinkled skin blob
and like two clawed legs
that kind of come out from underneath it.
You can't tell if it's.
Is it a chicken frog?
No.
Are you sure?
Sounds like a giant bat.
It's not a chicken frog.
Well, I'm a chicken lady.
It, you can't tell if it's like awake or not there.
You have heard like noises coming from the back,
just like low burp, burp, burp, burp, burp.
That kind of noise.
Yep.
And as you move by it,
you do see a sign that says Sandy's jewelry.
Okay, I'm going to open that box.
Okay, it is beneath a few.
You move them aside and open this box
and there are several things inside of it,
kind of neatly kind of wrapped around.
There are some diamonds and pearls.
There are rings.
And then also you see kind of tucked down
at the bottom is a circlet,
is a circlet with interesting writing on it.
You've read a lot of books, probably no Infernal,
or not no Infernal,
but have seen some sort of writing of it maybe.
Like you'd be able to recognize the language of Mordor.
Right?
Right.
Anyways, you see this interesting writing
in green and red and it looks like the description
at the very least that Charmy gave for this circlet.
Okay, I am going to,
I wanna take it,
but I'm like nervous about just grabbing
what must clearly be some kind of magical item.
I guess the sacks are all over there.
I'm gonna just like pull my sleeve down over my hand
to like pick it up with that
rather than just grabbing it with my bare hand.
Make a sleight of hand check to try and pull it out
without making everything else kind of tumble out
with your sleeve wrapped around your large hand.
Not a great skill of mine.
So that's a 10.
Some of the things fall to the floor.
Some of the other rings and necklaces
as you pull out this circlet,
which was tucked kind of down at the bottom.
And the animal in the cage startles.
And it's like,
and it starts to like flap these wings
and you see it kind of lifts up on its legs
and you see these gnarled sharp teeth visible
from beneath like the wrinkled folds of this skin.
And it starts to like throw itself against the cage.
Okay, I reach into my pocket and pull out a dried apple
that I kept from our Apple Adventures
just the day before and I roll it over to the cage.
The apple rolls up and inside
and this creature that's like beating itself
against the sides or banging itself against the sides
sees it, stops and it's kind of slowly rolls down
in front of it and it kind of pokes at it
a couple of times and then its mouth opens wide
and it chomps down on the apple,
shredding it into pieces.
And then kind of settles back down.
Shh.
Okay, I'm going to, I guess like put the circlet
in my pocket and then like quickly,
not with my hands covered,
like just pick up the other things,
close the lid and put it and then like go back,
back away, put the circlet with the other things
we've collected and tell my friends that I found it
so they don't continue looking for it.
As you're backing away and you get back
with your group there, you hear footsteps
from above walking back towards your direction,
like the direction of the ladders
down to the cargo hold.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, we're in the middle and it's very nice
to have you here.
That's really what I want to stop and say.
Welcome to the Creamy Center of our Ooey Gooey podcast.
Just going to let that linger.
Yep.
It was quite visceral.
It's ooey and gooey.
Just going to feel it, yeah.
Like an Oreo.
I mean.
Like the middle of a s'more?
An Oreo is an ooey and, okay.
Okay, yeah.
I was thinking like,
that's still crispy on the outside.
Cadbury cream egg.
But like the marshmallow part.
Yeah, but I'm talking about the inside.
And the chocolate, that's all ooey gooey.
We're like the marshmallow and chocolate
in the inside of a s'more.
More like one of those, like the marshmallow cookies
with the chocolate over them.
The Viva.
Oh, the Viva puffs.
Like the Viva puffs.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
I bet that's, is that a Canadian thing?
Doesn't most people don't know what we're talking about?
Yeah, there's jam in the middle of those
or sometimes caramel.
Sometimes chocolate.
Life hack, if you leave them in the fridge,
they're 10 times better.
Do they still exist?
They do. Yeah, they do.
I only remember them from when I was a child.
Yes, I think I remember eating one as an adult
in my 20s and being like,
why was I so obsessed with these?
We've purchased them this year.
What?
I have, okay, listen up here, folks.
This is nothing to do with the podcast,
but I just wanna say so that many people get to hear it.
We have some of the best snacks ever in our house.
I only get to hear about them
approximately 20% of the time.
There's been times that things have been bought
and eaten or I've bought awesome snacks
and been like, yeah,
when I get a craving for this a week from now,
I'm gonna be so excited to have this
because I don't want it at the time.
No, you can't wait that long, Amy.
Apparently not.
Generally, it's gone within two to three days.
I go for it.
A week later, there's nothing there.
Well, your first problem is you didn't eat it
immediately so that it was then replaced
at the next grocery shop.
I do not feel like I'm the kind of person
who now buys food and then immediately
has to scarf it down.
I have chocolate in the freezer
that's been there for months.
That's because you've said, don't touch my chocolate.
Amy's gonna be the person you see in the grocery store
that's eating their bag of chips while they're shopping
and then it's like, oh yeah, this too.
Can't do that now, face masks, man.
I'm sneaking chips down into my mask.
It's a salty mess.
It's just bad.
Anyways.
Anyways, the middle.
The middle.
Yeah, we're here.
Really what we wanted to talk to you about
was coming and joining us over on Patreon
because we have set a whole bunch of really awesome goals
that we are hoping to achieve with your help.
So we'd like you to come join us,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Our next goal is so that we can hang out
with all of our patrons in this summer of summers
and play some sweet Jackbox games.
That's right.
We stream them Jackbox games.
We all grab our sodas.
That's what people in the US call pops
and our beers and our snacks.
And we gather around with our cell phones.
And we have some fun times and laughs.
A lot of laughs.
And sometimes we rap.
Sometimes there's rapping.
Sometimes there's murder.
Our listeners are hilarious.
It's very fun.
Yes.
You guys are much funnier than us, by the way.
Yes.
This is where we just, mine for content is what we do.
I mean, no, it's for hanging out sole purpose
is not a business meeting at all.
Not at all.
Anyways, we have that goal set up
at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We'd love you to come join us.
Check out all the tiers.
Find out if there's a place for you.
And if there's not, we totally understand
if you can't afford it.
It's a crazy time right now.
But if you can, we would love to have you over there
being part of the sweet Patreon Dumbgeons crowd.
And now I think that's all.
Time to get you back to that graham cracker.
That's right.
Have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
So if anybody's keeping track, we've
found the circlet, the six alchemical jugs,
and all but one of the designated herbs.
How about that dang dream flake?
Damn dream flake.
We found this satara.
Yep.
Nice.
OK.
Do you guys know what dream flake looks like?
We got to find it.
Do you hear those footsteps?
And also, there's a really scary creature back there.
I don't really know what dream flake looks like.
I don't know what dream flake is either.
I guess something flaky, like maybe like coconut?
Like dried coconut?
Maybe.
OK, well.
If there's coconut, should we just grab that and try
to pass it off as dream flake?
Well, I mean, it's her own damn fault
she didn't give a description with any of these things.
Should not see how clearly incompetent we are.
I stop and listen to the boots.
Do they pass over top of us and keep going?
Or did they stop?
You've heard them walking back down the hall.
They haven't come directly to the ladder,
but they've kind of turned off
and are adjacent to where the ladder is,
that you hear them stop or kind of scuffle around.
We can't be quiet.
And whatever that was making noise in the back,
we have to not upset it anymore.
I gave it an apple and it just destroyed it.
Oh, God.
I guess we need to find this dream flake, though.
OK, I'm going to try this box over here.
If everybody's just trying boxes,
everybody roll an investigation,
one more investigation check.
I rolled a 20 again.
I rolled a 19.
We're on fire tonight.
This never happens in a battle.
We're just opening boxes in a cargo hold.
20, 20, 20, 20.
You said investigation, Russ?
All right, 17 for me.
OK, fuck.
OK, Glenn, you remember from looking at the animal
or the creature that you fed the apple to near its cage
in a smaller crate.
There was a crate labeled hallucinogens.
Guys, I just had a thought.
You know that scary creature?
Yeah.
Well, back by the scary creature,
there was a box that said hallucinogens.
And dream flake seems like, I mean, dreams are kind of,
you know, like sleeping hallucinations.
I don't know.
Maybe this seems crazy.
But I just don't know where else to look.
No, Glenn, I think that's a great connection.
I think you're onto something.
There's a lot of drugs that can make
you see a lot of weird shit, like in a dream.
Was it in a big box or a small box?
It's kind of all smaller boxes back there.
Here's the thing.
When I was back near that creature,
kind of like got restless.
Right.
Gave it the apple, shredded the apple,
worked for like a minute, and then I left.
So what do you guys got?
Well, like, I've got this, like,
I got a little bit of dried fruit, sure.
Got some dates here.
But I was thinking.
I kept a jalapeno popper from when we were at Lucy's.
I don't know if that's.
There's cream cheese in that, man.
Is that just in your pocket?
Yeah.
I mean, you should definitely give that to me.
Because I don't think you should eat that.
But maybe we can give it to the creature.
Maybe.
Well, I think maybe if we sneak over there
and if it's a smaller crate, we can just gently pick up
the crate, move it back here before we open it in order
to do less noise.
Yes.
OK.
Yes, that's a great idea.
Don't eat that.
Maybe give me that.
I'll throw that to it.
I'll pick up the crate and I'll bring it back.
Only throw it to it, though, if it gets upset.
Because if you're sneaky, maybe it'll be OK.
I'm not just going to throw.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to just sneak.
All right.
I hand the napkin containing the jalapeno popper.
Thought it was just loose in your pocket.
I also thought it was just loose in his pocket.
No, no, no.
In a napkin.
I'm not an animal.
It's a jalapeno popper wrapped in a napkin in my pocket.
That's right.
Definitely has somehow had a bit of shape.
Oh, my tots.
My tots.
Get your own tots.
OK.
OK, so sorry.
Give me the quick Coles Notes version.
So I'm going to sneak over there.
If it wakes up, I'm going to toss it a jalapeno popper.
That I stole from Lucy's.
You didn't steal it.
It was your leftovers, I assume.
Maybe we didn't order those who took it off a different table.
No, he definitely took it off an empty plate.
Yeah, on our way out, I just scooped it off a table.
This is for later.
And then I'm going to pick up the box that says hallucinogens
and bring it back further away from the creature
rather than trying to open it.
Right beside the scary creature.
Perfect.
OK, to walk over there, give me,
and to try and not wake it up, give me a stealth roll.
OK.
It was really good?
That's the face you make when it's really good?
It was super good.
That was the face I make when it's amazing.
Should I have gone because it was a stealthy thing?
But then we have to pick up the box.
I don't know how big the box is.
That's an eight.
As you walk over, you kind of trip a little bit
on an upraised plank and stumble.
And the creature looks back up at you
and you see its teeth, and its tongue is long and slithery,
and it sticks out towards you, and it starts
to shake its leathery wings.
Put the popper on it.
Put the popper on the tongue.
And I underhand toss the jalapeno popper towards it.
It goes in and it snatches it out of the air,
just shredding it.
There's cream cheese everywhere.
The deckhands are going to have questions later.
This lactose intolerant monster is going to have a bad time.
So when it grabs it, then I quickly love it
and then go to grab the box.
So it's beside the cage, and it's about a this size box.
Oh, it's itty.
About a foot for those not playing the home game.
We don't put these videos out anymore.
It's this size.
It's about a foot by a foot.
You grab it, slide it out of its place, and then zip back.
And the animal or the creature has kind of calmed down.
OK, so you get the box back.
You crack the box open.
And inside, there are several wrapped in like almost
like tissue paper.
I don't know about tissue paper.
We've established arts.
It's wrapped in like tissue paper.
And each one has a seal on it.
With little zeds?
With little, with different symbols.
And one of the symbols is like a cloud
with like rain and lightning.
One of them is snow, like a snowflake.
And one of them is, there's only three
that you're going to find, and one of them is bubbles.
I say we take them all, and she can sort it out after.
I think you're right.
They're just small.
And I mean, Flake seems real.
But I mean, who knows?
I don't know magic stuff.
She should have given us better instructions.
So let's just take one of each and then get out of here.
Yeah, I agree.
Done.
You take it and put everything into the burlap sacks.
And then you hear from beyond the side of the ship.
Is that another one of those animals in the cages?
It sounds like it's dying.
No, I think it's Shu.
That must be Shu.
Oh.
I think there might be coming back to the boat.
Oh, that's not good.
OK.
Well, let's get out of here.
And I assume in this, we're like, I
was going to say below ground, but we're not below ground.
But there's no portals or anything.
We are in the cargo hold.
There is no cage.
Well, there's the ladder.
With all your investigation checks,
you would have noticed that there
is a mechanism that looks like it drops one of the starboard
side of the ship, which sounds
like it was described as the offloading mechanism
that Shu was describing, the garage.
But yes, the only normal way out
is the ladder that you came down.
OK, guys, real quick, do we open that one
and jump in the water?
Or we go back up the ladder and face the people?
Um.
I think depending on the amount of people,
that could be very problematic for us.
Which one?
Facing the people up top, yeah.
Well, yeah, both seem very problematic.
Well, I mean, they're definitely
going to notice the side of the ship opening up.
True.
Um.
I guess I was just thinking we opened it up and just jumped
out and just got away instead of having to fight them.
Fair enough.
But I'm not going to lie to you, these burlap sacks,
they're now waterproof.
And some of this stuff's just wrapped in tissue paper.
I mean, they were sealed with wax.
Everything should be like.
I guess it's on a boat.
You would kind of assume that things would be waterproof.
Barring some sort of water-related disaster, yeah.
Because it's like, I mean, I don't know, maybe not.
Were they, yeah, they were, OK.
You know what, the burlap sacks are lined with plastic.
Hey.
Perfect.
Environmentally conscious, too.
Right.
Yeah.
OK, well, did I say we make a swim for it?
You guys can swim?
Yeah, I can swim.
I guess I was thinking that way, too, that Shu wouldn't.
I mean, they wouldn't know.
He wouldn't have to lie for us.
Because they would never find us.
He could just.
You hear multiple loud footsteps now
coming aboard the main deck above you.
Well, I say we go now.
Yeah, it sounds like that's our cue.
OK.
And I'm assuming, and I guess I should have asked this,
but the mechanism looks like pretty obvious to open
the door.
I mean, you've been rolling like 20 after 20 for investigation.
Yeah, you're going to.
Is there a way that we can not open the entire door
so it doesn't slam down, but instead creaks
enough for us to hop?
And maybe we can all shimmy out?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'd say it's like a crank or a rotor
rather than a lever.
For like a drawbridge sort of thing.
Yeah.
OK.
Yep, so yeah.
So maybe we crank it slowly.
Yeah, we just.
OK.
Sneakily, just enough for us to get out.
Wiggle out the bottom.
OK.
And I mean, I guess I'm saying jump into the water.
If we look out there and there's no one on the dock
and we can just get onto the dock, let's do that.
And I'm assuming they'll be like people.
Yeah, fair enough.
OK, yeah, you slowly begin to rattle this side door down
and it's like the chicken looking thing
starts to make some noise as you're doing this.
I throw in a date.
It snatches it up like date everywhere.
And footsteps are moving now and you
hear them coming down lower onto the deck above you
and spreading out almost like they're going back
to their sleeping quarters.
And then you hear as it gets to a point
where you can see out and you can see from this location
you'd be able to see Shu kind of nervously standing down
the bottom of the deck as some people are kind of walking
by him back up to the deck itself.
You see there's a bit of a gap where
you could drop into the water or if it
was open a little bit more, you could get down to the dock.
Are the people past us, like the people
from the ship returning, like would they
or are they still kind of streaming in front of us?
There's not as many of them coming up.
Like there's like one or two stragglers
kind of coming in and out.
Right.
Few people who got kicked out of the inn
were told they weren't allowed to have a room there.
They were too drunk.
Perhaps.
What do you think, guys?
Well, I say we go now or never.
OK.
Yeah, let's do it.
OK, you start to rotate the handles down
and the door opens further.
Enough to where whoever's going first.
OK, I'll go first.
Sully, you can definitely make it through easily.
Glim, it would be a little bit of a squeeze,
but you'd be able to kind of jump out and swing down.
Sully, you are able to sneak out.
Roll a stealth check as you jump down.
13.
Shu hasn't noticed you yet.
But you kind of time where you see someone walking up
and it looks clear, you manage to jump down to the dock.
There is a bit of a less lit area further back on the dock
that if you wanted to, you could scoot over to.
I'm going to scoot over there and blend in with the shadows.
All right.
Moot, it's your turn.
Going to need a stealth roll.
And as you are going, you're hearing more footsteps
above near where the ladder down to the cargo hold is.
OK.
Oop.
Well, it fell down, but it was still good.
So I'm taking it.
17.
Yeah, you see Sully jump and you time your exit
the same way that he did.
You jump down to the dock and follow him over
to this less lit area.
Glim, you hear from above a disgruntled crew member.
It's muffled, but you hear, yeah,
I just need to get something.
And then I'll go back and then we'll settle up, OK?
So as you are ready, make a stealth roll, please.
14.
You squeeze through.
And by this point, Shue has noticed you three sneaking off.
And he's looking at you and wide eyed, almost like hurry up.
As you jump, you hear the cargo door open
from the ladder above and footsteps
coming down the ladder.
And then the chicken starts to make a lot of noise.
And as you kind of tuck and roll onto the dock
and move over, you hear, ey, ey, oh, left the door open.
The Song Long Road Ahead, based by Kavin McCloud.
All other music and sound effects can be found at epidemicsound.com or boomlibrary.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Joshua Dixon, Cat Waterflame,
Devin Michaels, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Stevie, Jessica Babyok, and Daryleth.
To find out more about how you can support Dumbgeons & Dragons, visit us at Patreon.com
slash dumbdragoncast, where you can have exclusive access to 50 plus hours of bonus
audio content, create in-game NPCs and items, as well as play games with the cast.
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast. Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.
Oh, it's horrendous. Oh, okay. Okay. It's more bird-like than I was picturing, so it's...
Oh, it's like they took the bottom half of a chicken, took off the head and replaced it with
like the face of an alien, like from Alien, and took all the feathers off of it. Yeah.
It's like a naked alien chicken. Yeah. It's awful.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.