previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Don't let me go off the rails, okay buddy?
I got you.
And in a snap, you are in a room.
Welcome to my master's home.
So nice of you to drop in.
Please, come have a seat.
And as he says that, three more chairs pop up out of the floor.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
And I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
And with me today is Karla Maxted.
That is me.
I play Yenbul Nury.
And Amy More.
Hey, I play Thea Amastasia.
And Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me.
I play Flint Firebeard.
So we have a big episode ahead of us.
I've been carbo loading.
A big mini episode.
Amy's just been eating plate after plate of pasta.
So much bread.
Like the marathons, like all the Iron Man's,
phylacteries are the same.
Oh, my God.
It's such a weird word.
What does it mean?
It's the resting spot of a lich's dead body.
So it's a made up word.
I don't know if it's made up.
Of course, all words are made up.
I don't know if it's made up.
He says, no, no, Amy, this is really where lich is.
This is really where lich is.
It's in a dictionary.
In a dictionary, it's a different word.
In a dictionary, it says a small leather box
containing Hebrew text on vellum worn by Jewish men
at morning prayer as a reminder to keep the law
or a place where there's a dead body.
I mean, that's kind of what I feel even more weird about.
Number one, I feel bad now for thinking it's a funny word.
Sure.
Yeah, you're welcome.
And number two.
What?
You're welcome.
You're welcome for you, Shane.
I feel weird that that is the thing that they made.
Like, didn't they look it up first?
Exactly.
I mean, probably.
Phylactery.
You know, societal.
Are you saying it right?
Yes.
Sensitivities weren't a thing.
It's true.
Yeah.
Maybe it's a phylactery.
No, it's phylactery.
Are you just saying factory wrong?
It's the lich's factory, OK?
It's the industrial period of this lich.
Anyway, big episode.
Anyways, big episode.
Where we love to hear what you think about our big episodes
is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
where you can support the show for as little as $2 a month.
You get access to a whole bunch of really great bonus content
like a whole other podcast that we do exclusively for patrons.
We're entering season four now of that.
Holy shit.
Can you believe it?
Nope.
What kind of shenanigans will happen at the downtown office this time?
Oh, so many downtown office shenanigans.
Are happening over there.
If you don't know, my character has a downtown office
separate from the regular office.
And there's some real turmoil at the downtown office in season two.
We get into it.
You know what?
If you think like, what is this show even going to be about?
Season four, we're bringing in a lot of real office influence,
a lot of real parks and rec situation.
That's where I'm trying to go with it.
And I'm being just roadblocked at every corner to be like,
no, we want to punchy punch.
And maybe not quite that much.
But when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you
like today's patron, Oliver.
Oliver.
Hey, thanks, Oliver.
Thank you so much.
And now visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
and then fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
Flint, Thea, Yenbul and Mannix.
You find yourselves in a library, books to the ceiling.
And you've just been greeted by who appears to be a servant of Shangalar.
The man before you says, please, please come sit.
Let's talk.
Let's find out about you.
Find out about me.
I like to hear about people all the time.
Can I tell by looking at him whether or not he is undead?
Is he like falling apart anywhere?
Doesn't appear to be falling apart.
No.
OK.
I I'm sorry.
What did you say your name was?
Oh, my name.
So I don't I don't believe I did say my name.
My name is Wallace.
Wallace.
Yes.
It is nice to meet you, Wallace.
Pleasure to meet you.
And sorry.
Your names were?
My name is Nulara.
Nulara.
Mannix speaks up and says, I am Mannix.
Yes.
Hello.
I am Yenbul.
Pleasure.
And sorry.
Your name good, sir.
Strong, sir.
With so many weapons on his back.
You come to a library with so many weapons.
I take them everywhere with me.
Won't charge you late fees.
That's for sure.
Totally not.
Goodness.
My name's Flint.
Pleasure to meet you, Flint.
Nulara, Mannix, Yenbul.
Lovely to meet you.
Like I said, have a seat.
Let's talk.
Let's get to know each other.
I have to say you're not who we expected to greet us.
Who did you expect to greet you?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe not have such a warm welcome.
Why did you come to the library if not to be invited in?
Was this a receiving area?
I mean, we've tried our best to, you know,
do things the right way.
It's just how do you know what the proper protocols are
when you come into someone's home like this?
Of course, of course.
Yes.
Presumably you knew being able to get into my master's house
that you would land in the library where we would talk.
Housewarming party of sorts.
Get to know you.
Little mixer.
Oh, I do love a good mixer.
Yes, that's very nice.
Can you, well, as you said, you like to learn about people and places.
So do I.
I have traveled to many lands.
Have you also or have you?
You know, I have traveled many places.
I have seen those far and near, some across the ocean.
Have you been to Faerun?
I've been across most of there.
I've seen a lot of Thay.
I've seen a lot of the Sword Coast, Kalimshan.
Did you have any weird dreams in Thay?
Well, not specifically.
You were being tortured by a giant like monster.
That sounds like a very interesting occurrence that not everybody has had.
Oh, I thought maybe it was just like everyone who goes to Thay thing.
No, no, fortunately that sounds terrible.
I would not want that to happen.
And how did you travel?
I've done most of my traveling on foot.
Have you been in this amazing flying fortress?
No, no, no, the flying fortress, it stays here as kind of a home base of sorts.
When I was doing most of my traveling, it was I traveled by boat.
I traveled by cart.
I traveled by portal from time to time.
Longer distances when I knew I had, you know, deadlines to meet that sort of thing.
What kind of deadlines did you have?
Oh, well, at the time I was more of an adventurer of sorts.
A traveler of the world.
I distributed goods from one place to another for payment.
Now life is so much simpler.
I tend to master's needs.
I greet people who come to be greeted.
How did you come to meet him?
Well, that was a long tale.
We have time.
Of course you do.
Let me pull up another chair.
And he another chair rises up out of the floor and he has a seat.
Says, please, you look like you've traveled such a long way.
I'm going to sit down.
Manix goes and sits down as well.
I didn't want to sit down until there was enough chairs for everyone,
but now that there's enough chairs for everyone.
You're super polite like that.
Yeah, that's fair.
Well, where did I meet master?
Well, that was some time ago.
I was traveling through Calum Shan and came across him.
He showed me kind of the way,
a way in which people can experience life without pain,
life without suffering.
I have an ignorant question.
Please excuse me for this.
Of course.
All questions are good questions.
This is all new to me.
Is it considered a life if they are dead
and then brought back to life, therefore being undead?
Well, undead is not dead.
Undead is not alive.
Who are we to determine what is alive and not alive?
They move around.
Do they have hopes and dreams that they get to fulfill and accomplish?
Of course.
They have single tasks that they are set out to control of their own volition.
Who gives them the task?
Well, it's dictated through more of a master, apprentice, master, servant, master,
hive mind, you know, that sort of thing.
Hive mind?
Some of them, yes.
Just a big old family, right?
That's right.
Yes, like ants.
Ants work, hive mind, bees hive mind.
They all work for the common good of their people.
So, question, if you, if the master is the queen bee?
Yes.
And the undead are the worker bees?
Sure.
Who are you?
I am an in-between.
The master requires someone who can work with those not yet on board, who have not yet seen
the light.
Once I serve my time, once I do as enough to earn my place among my master's
immortal souls, then I am granted permission to join them.
Oh, that sounds kind of lonely.
How much time do you have to serve?
As much time as is needed.
As I've seen, is there like a rigorous testing that one has to go through
to accept this way of life and want to become an undead part of the hive community?
Well, I mean, pledging allegiance is a step in the wrong direction.
That's what we do in the living.
We are looking to better everyone, not just a single nation or a single group of people,
but a commitment to a better life for you and for those around you.
One, like I said, of no disease, of no pain, of no suffering,
where everyone works together for the good of those around them.
That's what Master is trying to do.
And I assume that's why you came to discuss these things.
We just had so many questions.
And it's really hard to find accurate information out there that isn't,
you know, completely biased or just filled with-
Ah, the liberal media is just ridiculous with this sort of thing, isn't it?
You shut your fucking mouth.
There's no political slant there.
I'm just making a joke.
Everybody okay?
Get off my back.
We're cool.
It's okay.
I'm talking to Fox TV.
So any information you can give us would be great.
So if we were interested, and I mean, we're just in the information gathering
process right now, and if there's a tour of the facility that goes on at any
different kind of intervals, I think we'd be, and I look at the group,
we think we'd be totally into that.
Yes, fascinating.
That'd be wonderful.
But is there, like I asked before, is there a waiting period?
You're obviously in the waiting period, right?
Just trying to earn your place, which I mean, sounds a little bit lonely,
and it sounds like you've been doing this for a long time,
and man, I like really hope your number comes up soon, like in the best way.
Thank you.
Yes, I appreciate that.
But it's all for the community, right?
Of course.
And I mean, you still have your agency and free will at this moment,
which I mean, you know, you got to look at all the positive sides.
I mean, that's neither here nor there.
When my time comes, it will not be a burden on me anymore.
Right.
I bet.
I bet sometimes, I mean, you have bad days just like everybody else, right?
I mean, who doesn't have, you know, you wake up, you stub your toe,
your tomes get mixed up, someone's misplaced something,
and you're just like, ah, and you're just feeling like really, like really bad,
but you have that to hold on to that.
Eventually for you, hopefully, I mean, if you're lucky,
that's no longer going to be an issue for you unless your master changes his mind
or decides you're doing too good of a job here, obviously.
I am not concerned about that.
Oh, that's so great.
I mean, because I'm sure on those bad days that,
you know, that little thought that creeps into your mind,
you're like, gosh, you know, I just, I could be somewhere else.
Or is he just stringing me along?
Am I ever going to get to be part of the undead horde?
You know, these are all questions that come through everyone's mind every now and then.
They just pop like fleetingly, obviously.
Of course, of course.
Let me put your minds at ease.
Shangri-La has a place for everyone in the undead army, as you so referred to it as.
If that's what you want to, if that's how it makes you feel more comfortable at this moment.
I believe I said horde, but all right.
Of course, yes.
Sorry, mixed slip of the tongue.
Undead horde.
Good, good correction, Flint.
Thank you.
Could you tell us a little bit about Shangri-La?
Why, aside from escaping the pain and longing and loneliness and terror of the world,
which does sound pretty nice.
What has inspired such loyalty from you that you would toil here,
waiting for your chance to join?
Talking about a man of mystery, try to get some information on this guy.
It's like, who is he?
The myth, the man, the legend?
Like, can you give us some insider information?
Oh, well, some things are not for me to say.
He hasn't told you everything.
Well.
Or do you mean it's in a book?
I mean, we are in the library.
Is that what you mean?
Many things are.
Are you trying to encourage reading?
Well, if you read a book, take a look in it.
It's gonna be so good.
Notoriously litigious.
I didn't say anything in any tune that was even close to what they said.
Cut it out anyway.
I don't want to deal with that crap.
Take that look inside a book.
And it's gonna be a real great time.
It's getting closer.
Stop it.
Shangri-La, he's really just reading all of the colors under the sky.
Okay.
But is he, like, is he nice?
Like, what's he like?
What's it like to be in his presence?
He's a man who commands power and presence as he enters the room.
He's one who,
he's one who you see and you're like,
yes, I will follow him to the end of the world and back.
Wow.
That's awe-inspiring.
Also, he seems like he'd be a funny guy, right?
I mean, he cracks wise.
Real good.
I mean, they're a little bit, it takes him getting used to his sense of humor at first,
but once you get it, you get it.
You just click.
You're firing.
It's like the, you know, the adventurer with the three questions swallow that one, you know?
Yes.
Those ones.
Yeah.
Bad humor.
I thought you were going to say lots of puns.
I thought it was going that direction too.
No, that's part of the pain that he's trying to stop from the world.
Little more sophisticated upper class humor.
Highbrow humor.
I'm into it.
Now, would you still consider him a man?
Because last I heard he's a lich?
Well, of course.
I mean, but do you separate the man from the lich?
I don't know.
This is the first I've ever discussed a lich before.
Wow.
Well, you have a lot to learn.
You know, we do have some things in books.
I can leave you to it if you would so desire.
Come back.
Answer any questions you might have.
I can go ask the master.
See if we can give you a little tour.
I mean, he's probably busy dealing with a bunch of stuff.
Maybe we just go for that little tour and we, you know, right at the very end of it,
we go see him.
Of course.
I see.
Well, I'd hate.
Now, you all seem like very upstanding, nice people.
Weapons aside at a library.
Again, I just take those everywhere.
You didn't, you didn't see the sign when you came in.
I get it.
You turn over your shoulder.
There's a sign that says no weapons.
It's just an axe with a big old.
The master has eyes all throughout the organization.
Of course.
Any good master would.
If he were to catch wind that I took some unknowns through the facility,
through his home without his approval, that could be bad for me.
Would it though, or would it be showing the type of like ingenuity and take charge
this and like really going out and trying your best, not bothering him with the menial
stuff, but you know, like doing what you know would be right in the spirit of.
Of his master ship.
Uh, you're trying to persuade Wallace.
Are you not?
Yeah, I guess so.
All right.
Roll a persuasion.
All right, I will.
Oh, it's only a seven.
How very Thea of me.
You know, I, I understand where you're coming from,
but I just don't think that that will go over the way you expect it.
Oh, okay.
Well, you know, I don't know how stuff works here.
So it's maybe it's just best that we just like
read up, get a little more information.
Um, could I ask an embarrassing question?
I'm sorry.
No bad questions.
Please fire away.
I don't see.
Is there a, perhaps a restroom I could use somewhere to go?
Oh, now that you said that, I need to go.
Another point in the, in the wind column here.
Once you join the undead horde, good Flint, no need to use the restroom anymore.
Oh, no need for these biology breaks.
I would not need to stop.
But at the moment I do actually quite badly need.
He snaps his fingers and behind you, he says over there,
you turn and you see a door.
Says you may use the restroom.
I go with you because ladies go together.
That's right.
Thank you.
Thank you, Phyllis.
Gen Bull and Thea walk off and into the restroom.
I see it around the way.
Do you think that he's got eyes in here?
Oh, I hope not.
What a creep.
Now, can I just ask him a series of inane questions until they're back?
Sure.
Whenever they're planning in the bathroom.
Have I left my purse with Flint by any chance?
Is that something that I did?
You tell me.
That was just a joke because when sometimes ladies go to the washroom,
they leave their purses with their people.
So as they walk off, let's just, so now how did you do that?
I didn't see the door there before.
Of course.
Yeah.
This part of the gig, part of the role, so to speak,
is I can command some of the abilities of the office.
Cool.
Now, how did you do the chair thing?
Again, abilities of the office.
I'd beckon it.
It comes.
I tell it to go away and it goes away.
Yeah.
But how do you do that?
I command my master's power.
We cut to the bathroom.
What are you two doing in the bathroom?
Because we know you're not actually using the bathroom.
Nobody in D&D uses the bathroom.
See how legit it goes in peace.
Yeah.
I mean, it's an opportunity to pee.
So you know Carla and I, if there's a bathroom.
If there's a chance, I'm going to go.
We're going to go.
But no, I mean, I was just trying the oldest trick in the book
to see if he just let me out into the hallway to go pee.
Just wanted to see what would happen.
Whipped up a bathroom out of no air.
Made a bathroom appear out of thin air.
But I figured it was worth a shot.
Paint a word picture.
Okay.
Yeah.
You walk in and there is a fire.
The fan art of this bathroom.
There is a fire burning in the corner.
There's a nice for the farts.
Yep.
There is a like no other toilet you've seen.
It's a bidet function though.
Yes.
Of course.
Of course you sit down.
It has buttons all over the place.
You're not sure what any of them specifically do.
I press them all.
You're blasted by air and water and heat starts to rise from the bottom
and your feet begin to cool for some reason.
A fan in the roof starts.
The tap goes on the faucet.
The fire turns off and on again.
And there's music for some reason.
I'm not sure.
And there's some slow sexy jazz that just starts going.
It just covers up the sound.
Remember that for the dungeon downtime.
I get out.
I wash my hands.
Did you press any of those buttons?
There are so many.
I press them all.
I may just join their side based on the type of facilities they have here.
I am not a fan of the lich who destroyed my beautiful home city,
but I must say the library and the bathroom are very nice.
It's not what I expected.
I thought it would be more...
Hole in the floor?
Yes.
More dingy.
They have quite the modern comforts here.
Yes.
Not what I expected.
I guess I'll just wash my hands and head on out of this bathroom.
You exit and Flint is just firing questions at Wallace.
So where is the library in relationship to the rest of the pyramid?
I mean, where are we in the relation to the rest of the period?
Where are we in relation to the rest of the pyramid?
That's such a large question.
Well, no, I mean, it's a pyramid.
So obviously we're in some location.
You are in it.
Sure, but where in it?
In a central location.
Okay, but how big is the pyramid?
I mean, did you see it walking up?
Yeah, but I mean, it's hard to tell when you're just eyeballing.
Do you have any schematics?
It is very large.
Are there blueprints for the pyramid that I can have a look at?
I've got a little bit of a thing for some architecture,
so I'm just kind of curious.
One thing that Master does not keep is a direct map or blueprint.
Likes renovation projects.
Well, maybe that would be something that you should undertake with all your spare time.
You can present him a map of the pyramid and he'd probably be thrilled to have that.
Probably would be thrilled to see that.
That is a good question and a good answer.
How was the washroom, ladies?
It's the prettiest shitter I've ever been in.
Thank you.
It was so honestly beautiful.
Like making Tom laugh.
Don't get many, we don't get many visitors,
but when I do get to show off these fine,
you know, I put a little bit of my own design function into that.
Did you press all of the buttons?
I pressed all the buttons multiple times.
Was it the music?
The music, yes.
I have a question though.
What a choice.
Why?
Well, you need to be the most relaxed.
Why?
I like the button that immediately put the little like
squatty stool under your legs.
Right?
Super helpful.
Also though, I had a question.
Why did you have a button that turned off and on the fireplace?
I noticed that as Yen Bull was in there.
Sometimes it gets too hot.
Yeah, but how do you know that that's what it does?
You know none of your buttons are labeled, right?
That's the joy of the bathroom.
Sometimes the excitement is not knowing what's coming next.
That's what I always say when I go to the bathroom.
Now that you're all watered, now that you're all ready to go,
you've asked, do you have any more questions?
Flint Mannix, you've been rather quiet.
Mannix just nods.
I, for one, I think would just like to peruse the shelves, you know?
Of course, of course.
I probably have questions I don't even know I have,
but will be answered if I just look in a book.
I get it.
All of the knowledge can be found in a book.
Cool.
Okay, well, I will leave you to it.
I will go.
Now, I wasn't clear if you really wanted me to ask permission for a tour of the facilities,
or if you just want me to give you some time.
Well, okay.
Well, hold on.
Do many people come in asking for the tour?
We don't want to be some weirdos who come in here asking to see everything.
If that's just not something that's usually offered,
the master will be like, who the fuck are these people?
No, get out of here.
You know what?
It's not like a radio station.
People don't just drop in asking for tours to see the board,
see the studios, visit the sales pit.
It's not what they do.
Those people realize that there are movie theaters.
Right?
You would think.
But no, no, you're the first visitors in quite some time to come through the library.
I would feel really weird, I think, if you asked him and said,
hey, these people just want to see everything.
Like, I agree.
I feel like as cultural outsiders,
it would be strange to then demand something that is not normally done.
I would not feel comfortable with that.
Perhaps I will just look at the library.
Of course, of course, take a look.
Peruse at your pleasure.
I will leave you, I will come back in a few, check on you.
Cool, thanks.
And as he's saying that, his chair slowly sinks into the floor with him along with it.
That's fine, you got to teach me that.
Okay, well, I feel like talking openly is not an option.
Yes, I think you are right.
What should we...
What are some topics that we can look at that will tell us more?
Libraries and how to escape them?
Or...
Magic floor chairs.
Maybe we just start to look around the library, but not at the books.
Yes, I see what you are saying.
I would like to wander around the library searching for any type of...
A very specific title of book.
Any type of exit, any type of something that looks like it could be a secret exit,
like I pull on this wall sconce.
Okay, everybody, make me an investigation rule.
Oh, Amy, you fucking suck.
No, yeah, mine was terrible.
It's five.
Twelve.
Sorry, I said that about myself, Carla, and then you rolled lower than me.
Don't even get me started about Carla.
Mannix rolled a 19.
Of course he did.
Thank God for Mannix.
Right.
Sorry, is Mannix a he?
We haven't...
I think of they.
I know, I keep saying he.
I keep saying he.
We said he in the first part, but then they...
We'll get into some backstory at a later time, but yeah.
Let's go they.
Okay.
So yeah, describe to me what your character is doing.
Four walls, all the walls are stacked with books.
Up into nowhere.
The washroom is still there.
He left that.
That's kind.
There are four chairs where there were five.
There's the fireplace, which has a roaring fire in it.
So no like stacks, like no shelves of books,
just the exterior walls are covered with books.
Yes.
And then a big...
Yeah, like no aisles, but yeah, just yeah.
Okay.
And then like all the way up to a ceiling that you can't see the end.
Are there ladders to reach said very tall books?
Um, as you think about ladder, one appears in a corner.
I think about a margarita.
Okay.
Yep, a margarita appears in the corner.
Can I go...
I'm going to look where the chairs were.
I assume it is something magical, but I want to see if there is in fact like,
you know, trap doors, like something mechanical that made those chairs appear,
even though I assume no, but I'll go look.
Yeah, you go investigate that location,
and it does not appear that there are any trap or secret doors in the floor.
And even watching the chairs appear and disappear, the ones that you did see,
almost like the floor melted around it as it was being taken from the room
and brought into the room.
Okay.
Sia thinks really hard about Donnie.
There's no Donnie.
Okay, well...
Good try though.
She walks through the stacks of books, running her hands along them,
and every time she sees like a particularly old one, she tips it out
and like waits for something to happen.
You do that.
Nothing occurs as you do that for a while.
And what are the books?
Is there any theme to the books or it is like a library?
There is different sections with different kinds of all kinds of knowledge.
Or is it all like, how to embrace your undead life?
How to be your best undead self?
Not thousands of books on how to be your best undead, but yeah,
all sorts of sections and knowledge and just like a library.
What's the one from Beetlejuice, the guide for the recently deceased?
Right.
What about around the fireplace?
Like is there any...
Yeah, does it just look like a normal fireplace?
It's a bricked-in fireplace.
There are statuettes of what look like serpents
kind of coming a little bit out of either of those.
Can I like try and pull on those?
I'm big on this.
There's got to be a trap door somewhere.
We'll try and pull anything that might be a lever.
It's also like fucking D&D, everything's magic,
because otherwise it's like, well, there's a fireplace,
so you know there's got to be a chimney.
So there has to be, but that's probably not true.
There's chairs that disappear into the floor.
Yeah, you pull on them and they appear to be firmly planted.
I would like to see if there's an autobiography or biography on Shangalar.
Make another investigation check.
That's 14.
You are looking through the shelves and you do come to a section.
You're looking closely at them and then you almost bump into Mannix,
who has pulled a book from the shelves.
You look down and you see it says it's an old gray dusty book
that says phylacteries on it.
What you got there?
It appears to be a book on locations of liches.
Oh, cool.
How best to enforce them, but every section I read ends open-ended.
Like what do you mean?
Like it describes how best to set up defenses,
but as it gets to the actual mechanics of such things,
it's like the words dissolve in your mind.
Oh, I guess knowledge is power.
You look up on the shelves and a book catches your eye.
It's a little bit out of your reach.
But I can magic myself one of those ladders.
Sure.
Think about a ladder really hard.
Look at this, guys.
One pops out of your ass.
Just a step stool.
No, I can guarantee there's nothing up there,
thanks to all the buttons in that bathroom.
Yeah, a ladder appears and you're able to step up
and it's got like a bright red spine on it.
And you see a serpent that's winding up the spine of it.
You guys, this one's singing to me.
Not really though, that'd be weird.
I bring the book down.
Do I see a title on it?
Is it title?
As you pull it off the shelf, everybody,
the light goes out.
Not just the light in the room of the fire,
but like your vision goes black.
Hey, it's the middle and we're here.
Definitely for the first time.
Haven't done this one.
We never do retakes on the middle
because we always nail it every time perfectly.
Don't listen to the bloopers.
You won't hear any bloops from today's interlude.
Anyways, we don't want to get off track.
What we want to tell you about is the new season
of our other show, Facing Fate.
It's called Shadows and it just launched
this past Monday with the first episode
and we want you to go listen to it
because we're very excited about it.
We're playing the game Urban Shadows
by Andrew Medeiros.
It's published by Magpie Games
and it's a dark monsters walk among us
kind of story set in mid-90s Toronto
which screams dark.
Wait, if you don't know mid-90s Toronto,
that does scream dark.
It's scary.
It's dark time.
Spooky, scary.
That's what we've got going on.
We didn't have the internet now as we know it.
Whoa, that is scary.
But all of our characters have cell phones.
People in the 90s had cell phones for us.
Absolutely, they did.
Motorola was big.
Shout out to Motorola.
Give us a call.
We will.
Are you still making phones?
I want to see where Amy's going with that.
What are we going to do?
Sling flip phone ads for you.
Yeah, absolutely.
Give us a call.
Drop my number down in the description.
Only Motorola call, please.
Anyways, we'd like you to go listen to Facing Fate.
Link's down in the description.
New season.
We're very excited about it and we hope you are too.
Thank you for listening.
Now we'll get you back to this episode
and you have a great week
and we'll talk to you next week.
Bye.
Thea, you fall.
Oh, God.
Three feet.
Okay, right.
It's a step.
Hate you.
Three feet.
Don't be such a drama queen, Thea.
Not enough to hurt, but enough to shock you.
Right.
I probably think I'm having some sort of fucking Nulara vision.
It's quiet for a moment.
The three of you hear Thea fall.
None of you can see anything.
Is everyone all right?
I think I fell approximately three feet.
Yes, I am fine.
I, you are all, I cannot see.
You cannot see either?
Can't see.
Can't see anything.
Nothing.
I think I turned the lights off with this book.
What book did you get?
I don't know.
It's red.
It has a snake on it.
You reach around for the book and you can't quite find it.
I lost it.
I lost the book.
Oh, what if it's a book with tiny feet?
Oh, gross, you guys.
Thea has an Amy imagination.
It was a book with a snake on it,
so it'd be extra strange if it had feet.
Yes, that's what would be wrong with this situation.
Thea, thank you.
Can you guys help me find it?
I feel like it may have been important.
You know, you get that feeling and the book you pull off the shelf
blots out the sun.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll just I'll start feeling around blindly for it.
Whoa, easy.
Everybody just roll a straight d20.
Sixteen.
Six.
Why are you rolling like me?
I don't know.
It's bad rolls.
That's Amy's thing.
Are you OK?
Is everything all right?
Pause the podcast.
Something's wrong with Carla.
Eleven for me, Russ.
Manic's got 11 as well.
So it's 16.
Yeah.
Yeah, you all begin feeling around kicking around,
you know, however you go about trying to find this book
that you presume has fallen to the ground.
Thea, you're because you haven't said otherwise,
you're still on the floor,
you're kind of crawling around feeling for it,
and your finger runs up against what you feel is the book.
Oh, guys, I got it.
As you grab it and pick it up,
you hear just like a thunk and then light shoots up
from down a hallway.
You can see kind of it illuminating down
and breaking through the darkness
that's in this room that you're in.
Do we all see it?
All of you see this.
Yeah.
So the room that previously had no exits
or hallways out of it now has a hallway out of it.
I looked down at the book.
Any title?
Um, it's hard to make out,
but no, you don't see a title.
It's in a, it looks like it's,
either they're like runes or graphics,
but just more a written word that you can't make out
at the very least.
Anyone for going down the creepy lit hallway
as opposed to the creepy unlit library?
Yes.
I feel like we were trapped before
and now you have found an exit.
Well, let's see.
I don't know where it goes,
but it might be a good idea.
Probably better than just sitting here.
Yes.
I was about to learn something.
Okay, let's go.
Heaven's forbid.
It would be the worst.
No learning in this podcast.
Fuck.
I got a thing against books, apparently.
You do.
The four of you begin to walk down the hallway.
You walk towards the light and you walk for a long time.
How long?
Well, like 500 miles.
500 miles.
And then 500 more.
You walk for several minutes at the very least,
but it doesn't appear that the light
is getting any brighter or less bright.
We're not coming toward a bulb or anything.
Yeah.
Oh, great.
It's an endless hallway.
I look down at the book and peruse it
a little more thoroughly now that I can see it.
You flip open the book.
You look at the cover and it's still that red.
I was going to say,
well, man, I never said I opened the fucking thing.
Sure. Sorry.
Put actions in my mouth.
You look at the cover and the spine
and it is still, from what you can tell,
in the weird light that you're experiencing,
a bright red leather.
There's the serpent that runs down the spine
and then these, not images,
but like scrawlings of something on the front and back.
I lift the book up and I whisper,
hey, you magic?
You cast detect magic and there's no aura
that comes off of the book,
which would be surprising.
However, you do get inundated with magic all around you.
Well, that's also not surprising there.
Okay. Everything is magic.
We're in a magic flying thing.
Yenbul your magic.
Flint, you have the heart of a lion.
You too, Mannix, you're also magic.
But this book isn't, so I open it.
You open it and flip through the pages
and they all are an old worn parchment
that appeared to be blank.
Oh, God.
Mannix, can you take a look at this?
I'm obviously not worthy enough to read it.
Mannix looks at you and says, obviously.
Takes the book from you and flips through it
and says, I, however, am not worthy either.
Flint, Yenbul, care to take a gander?
I mean, I'll give it a try.
I assume we're just walking
and talking through this endless hallway.
Everybody takes a flip through the book
and no one can see any form of writing inside the book.
At all.
You walk for another while.
Does anybody say anything
or have anything they want to discuss?
Should we write in the book?
Or do you think it is invisible ink
for secret messages?
I do now.
I cast reveal.
No, I don't know if that's a thing.
I just like to say things.
Sorry.
As you continue walking, you hear another thunk.
The light gets very bright all of a sudden,
like blindingly bright.
You hear a voice come from all around you
and it's the voice of Wallace and says,
you were supposed to wait in the library.
The library got all dark and stuff.
Well, that is unfortunate.
But you'd have now entered the master's house,
his home, his place.
This isn't going to be good.
I'm going to have to try and clean this up.
You just wait right where you are.
I will come find you later.
What?
Well, no.
Is there somewhere else we could wait?
Well, and then you hear another thunk.
A good like resting place.
Then you hear another thunk.
And you're in a square room.
A little bit bigger than the size of
that would be comfortable for the four of you to stand.
Not much room to move around though.
And it opens into a hallway
and the hallway is like carved wood,
like the inside of a tree.
And about 20 feet down,
you see reflections down this hallway.
Coming off the walls.
I mean, I know he told us to stay here,
but I don't want to stay in this box.
Agreed.
Yes, we are here for a mission.
We should keep trying to press on if we can.
Absolutely.
The four of you walk down the hall
and it's well lit.
There's no real sign of where the light is coming from,
but you can see perfectly clear.
You reach the point where you saw the reflections
and you see mirrors on either side of this hallway.
Further down the hallway,
you see it kind of bends
and the mirrors follow.
What do I see when I come up and look into one of the mirrors?
You see an image of yourself in this first mirror.
But something about it is very different.
You see an image of yourself in white robes sitting in prayer.
In the middle of a temple of sorts.
Candles lit all around.
You look peaceful.
Maybe these mirrors show a nicer place than being here.
Uh, what do I see in the mirror?
Yen Bull, do you walk up to the same mirror or a different mirror?
Maybe a different one.
You walk up to one on the opposite side of the hallway
and you look in and you see an image of yourself
standing in full armored regalia
at the face of the entire army of Kalamshan.
You are calling to them, beckoning to them,
raising their spirits to fight an unknown enemy on the other side.
You are leading the country's army
in what looks like the fight for the country's life.
Is there another mirror that they haven't looked at yet?
Uh, the mirrors go all the way down the hall.
Oh, all right.
I'll try a new one.
As you walk past Yen Bull and Thea,
so we'll say that they're right across from each other, left and right.
Do I see these same things in their mirrors as I walk by?
As you walk by, you look into their mirrors.
In the first one that Thea is looking into,
you see an image of yourself.
You're old, older.
Your beard and hair has grayed completely.
You're seated at home in an armchair by a fire
and you're reading.
Am I reading a story called
The Wonderful Tale of How Flint Destroyed a Lich?
Can't quite make out the title.
In the mirror that Yen Bull is looking into,
if you kind of look back and forth,
you see a different image of yourself.
You see one where you are moving through the woods.
You're trying to track something.
You're surrounded by a few others.
You don't recognize their faces.
You're following large footprints.
You have on you a bow and arrow and a small hatchet.
Do you stop at either of those or do you keep walking?
No, I'm going to keep walking.
You walk to the next mirror.
You appear to be back in Mithril Hall.
You're leaning over a bench.
You're working hard on something.
It looks like small metal gears.
You're putting them together.
Off in the corner, you see your sister and your father
working on something very similar.
What do you think these mirrors are showing us?
I don't know.
This is me at the head of the army.
Not...
Is that something you wish for?
No.
At this time, at this moment, I would like to fight for my country,
for my city, but I have never desired to be a leader of the army.
Yenbul, I assume you turn and address Thea?
Yeah.
As you turn, you're looking over her shoulder.
You see a different image of yourself.
You're dressed in all black clothing.
It looks like it's nighttime.
You and another figure are breaking into a building.
Silently, you move in and it looks like you're moving
towards some sort of safe or chest in the back of this room.
These images keep kind of replaying a specific five or 10 second scene.
And we can see each other's?
Like, can I see what Thea is seeing or just my own image of me?
You only see images of yourself.
Right.
I wonder if these are just lies or things that will come to pass
or things we want.
Well, here now, I am a thief.
I'm breaking in to steal something and that is not something that I want or that I would do.
Maybe they're just meant to distract us and keep us here looking at ourselves.
Mannix has walked past the three of you and is looking at the mirrors as well,
and you see them stop on one mirror and they're standing there, like, locked in gaze.
And they reach up their hand as if trying to move to touch the mirror.
Mannix, buddy, are you okay?
Mannix, what do you see?
I see my daughter.
Leon, she died years ago, but she's there with me.
I look different.
I have long hair.
I look more like a tracker.
Maybe these are showing us different lives.
We could have lived different paths had we chosen differently.
Do I know anything about special mirrors?
You know, I used to work in a library in special mirrors.
Yeah, I've read Harry Potter a lot of times.
Is this like a mirror of Arasad?
Just curious.
No, you don't know specifically anything about these sorts of mirrors.
How long would you say that you have stood there watching these images roll by?
I mean, probably not more than 30 seconds for mine.
It's an old man reading a book.
Yeah, and if it's only showing, it's like a GIF basically, right?
It's like showing us like a couple of sections.
That's fair, yeah.
Yeah, just no more than I think a couple minutes in total talking about them and looking.
Yeah.
You stand there and as you kind of address Mannix, they say,
It's been so long since I've seen her.
Here, Leona, my daughter, she died, but here, her face is bright.
And they reach their hand up and touch the mirror.
Mannix, I'm sorry, I know what it means to lose a loved one,
and I can't imagine how you feel seeing them again, but I don't think we can stop here.
Mannix puts their hand down and looks to you and says,
What do you mean lost a loved one?
And as the words leave your lips, there's a switch in your brain.
Memories flood back of Mannix talking about Leona and going on these adventures
and going to visit Leona's father.
You forget why you asked that question.
The intro song Nowhere Land is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found at epidemicsound.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Christian Brown, Creighton's Raven, Devin Michaels,
Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden, Joshua Dixon, Cat Waterflame, and Stevie.
To find out more how you can support Dums and the Dragons,
visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk soon.
You know where health patrons can see Russ be a crybaby?
There's the blooper. No more bloopers.
Good luck with that.
Yeah.
My name is Nulara.
I was not expecting that.
Well, she had a bit of a moment, panicked.
She's thinking about Nulara a lot lately, okay?
Manix speaks up and says, I am Manix.
Oh, we're giving our real names?
I mean, saying you're Nulara isn't going to help it.
Nulara was still a decimator of dragons.
Shit, well, I didn't know.
No, you're Nulara now.
Now, all of this crosstalk has been cut. You are Nulara now. Stick with it.
Don't get many visitors, but when I do get to show off the fine minutia.
Nope, gonna sneeze.
Fuck, it's gone.
Oh, no.
Stare into the light.
Oh, damn it.
We don't get many visitors, right?
We don't get many listeners.
Wallace and the Joy of the Surprises in the Bathroom.
I see his own spin-off book.
Sounds like a children's book.
A little how-to.
Episode title, Surprises in the Bathroom.
I also like that Russ prefaced this episode with,
this is a big episode, and so far we've visited a library in a bathroom.
It's true. You teed it up pretty big, but we're spending a lot of time in the bathroom.
Well, this Wallace guy is just such a charmer.
I want to go and look specifically for, like,
a biography or perhaps an autobiography of Shang...
Shangalar.
Galar.
Now say it again.
Shangalar.
Now say it in sentence.
I would like to go see if there's a biography or autobiography on Shangarlar.
Shangarlar.
What is it?
Shangalar.
I would like to see if there's an autobiography or biography on Shangalar.
Yeah, that's good.
Shangalar.
It's a hard name for me.
Welcome to the middle. This is actually Amy's Gardening Channel.
All of your gardening questions are answered here,
such as the germination rate and when you get to pick your radishes.
Back to you, Russ.
Thanks, Amy. Now on the field, we've got Facing Fate.
Go long, Facing Fate!
What is happening?
I don't know where we are anymore.
Can someone tell me about Facing Fate?
Do we feel like this is going well or should we start again?
No, we're good?
Yeah, no, this is just for them today.
I feel like we just need to bring it back to step one where we should have started.
Okay, cool.
Hey, we have another show. You may have heard us mention it.
It's called Facing Fate.
I feel like I've just turned around a chair and flipped my hat backwards.
You're going to give some real talk about Facing Fate.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.